just some idiot

an account where i can post depressing stuff without my "friends" getting "concerned"

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“I learned not to trust people; I learned not to believe what they say but to watch what they do. I learned to suspect that everyone is capable of living a lie. I came to believe that other people - even when you think you know them well - are ultimately unknowable.”

— Lynn Barber

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“You can love them, forgive them, want good things for them… But still move on without them.”

— Mandy Hale

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made, or by dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused.”

— Alan Cohen

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to Accept Yourself

1. Focus on your positive qualities. It’s true that we can all improve in some ways – but start by finding your good qualities – and recognise that these are a major part of who you are.

2. Be aware of, and fight against, your negative self-talk. Negative self talk can quickly snowball and become an angry tirade against yourself – so you become your own worst critic and your own worst enemy. Instead, choose to respect yourself, to love, affirm and believe in yourself.

3. Don’t dwell on things you know you cannot change. We all have imperfections, weaknesses and flaws. They’re really not that crucial, and they’re not that big a deal. Try to keep them in perspective – and change what you CAN change.

4. Make your own decisions – don’t always look to others, and think that they know better … But choose to trust yourself.

5. Always try to do your best – as that’s all that is required. You’re a normal human being who’ll sometimes get it wrong. When you do, just forgive youself, then get up and move on.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to Stay on Top of Life when you Feel Depressed

1. Acknowledge how you feel, and accept that this is going to be a more challenging day.

2. Commit to doing the absolute essentials but don’t push yourself to do everything.

3. Prioritize what’s important. For example, if you have a report that has to be submitted, then decide to work on that. However, if it is something that can wait, set it aside for now.

4. Work through your to-do list in small chunks of time – making sure you get plenty of breaks.

5. Tell someone who will understand. We need to get support when we’re feeling low.

6. Be wise in your use of social media. It may be good to deactivate your facebook account, or to switch off your phone to protect yourself from images and chit chat that leaves you feeling worse.

7. Make sure you leave the house and get a change of scenery.

8. Deliberately invest in some form of self-care … but make sure it is something that you know will help your mood. And remember that tomorrow is another day.

[depressed-dumbarse]

I hate myself for this tbh

Some people really fucking hurt me and I was the one who said sorry for something I know I didn’t do. Like I said that I was sorry you think I did that but you need to know that I didn’t and I would never do that. And they didn’t believe me but I was the one who had to find new friends and no one from that group, even the person who was meant to be my best friend, stood up for me or even tried to tell them that what they did was wrong. And I still want to go back to those people because I still fucking care about them so much and even though they haven’t apologised and don’t know that what they did was wrong even if I tried to tell them (may not have been clear but still) and I would forgive them and have forgiven them and I really miss them and I want to be friends with them. But like it wasn’t a consistent friendship and it was a different way between me and most of the group like the two main ones were always butcheries towards me than others and I feel so stupid for not seeing it coming. And I hate myself so much for still wanting to be their friend and I hate how forgiving I am because no matter what someone does to me I’d forgive them. I’d be like “you’re good, it’s okay you were drunk” or some shit even if I didn’t want to so I didn’t hurt their feelings. And I fucking hate myself so much for it

[depressed-dumbarse]

Idek anymore

It’s kinda sad when you get to the point where you convince yourself everyone hates you. Like I really need constant contact with my friends to be sure they don’t hate me because I’m too dependent. But the bad thing is that I don’t want to open up or talk about things that are bothering me because I’ve always been told that I’m fine or so and so is worse than I am or even had them turn the situation to them and get pissed at me for being angry at them. Them basically using the crap I’ve gone through to be like “I cry every night and do all this other shit to myself because you do it too” and I didn’t even know how to react other than to apologise. I hate that I always seem to make this about me. Like I just have to talk about myself and the things I’m interested in and I don’t know, maybe because of the same thing as my feelings. I always listened to whatever someone else was interested in, all the time they’d talk about some tv show, or game and either be like “You can’t handle it”/“You’re too sensitive to watch it.” Or “you like what it’s about so you should like it” when in reality I think the show is shit or you’ve basically told me to suck up that you’re almost banning me from watching something. And also, being told that you’re not loyal because your friends with someone. I get it, they’ve been a prick to you and you hate them and don’t want your ‘close friend’ talking to them, I get it. But honestly, these people got pissed odd because I sent someone a few band memes on Instagram at the start of the school year and when I was like “it was before we were even friends/close/hanging out” they were still like “you knew there were problems” and it was like, no I ducking didn’t and so what if I want to talk to someone who’s been nothing but nice to me?? Like I don’t give a shit if you talk to the people who’ve fucked me over, I might be a bit on edge because like the possibility of them turning you against me but like true friends don’t care about that and they trust you and actually know you so they’d know it wasn’t true. And most people could hate each other but can still have normal conversations for the sake of others in their group who are friends with that person.

[gayscifinerd]

You deserve someone who actually gives a shit about you. Someone who doesn’t just see you as an extension of themself. Someone who would actually be afraid to lose you. Don’t let anyone else make you believe otherwise.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Are you Addicted to Approval?

Signs of being addicted to approval include:

1. You are very aware of the expectations of others. They also affect how you feel about yourself.

2. You are constantly worried about how others view you/ what they are thinking about you.

3. You choose NOT to do things that others don’t approve of for fear of judgment and rejection.

4. You DO things you don’t want to do as you fear others making fun of you, putting you down, or talking about it.

5. You feel anxious and upset if you think you have upset or irritated someone – and desperately try to make things right.

6. You think the views and opinions of others are more informed and valuable than yours.

7. You agree when others criticise and put you down. Then you start to attack and feel ashamed of yourself.

8. You reject yourself if other people reject you, and basically believed that at core you are flawed.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Stop …

1. Hanging out with people who don’t appreciate you, or who suck all the energy out of your life.

2. Running from your problems and hiding from the truth

3. Acting as a door mat and putting yourself last.

4. Longing for the past and the way things used to be.

5. Beating yourself up for the stupid things you did

6. Looking to others to make you feel happy, or believing that “stuff” will bring you happiness.

7. Rejecting new relationships because you were hurt, or you were disappointed in the past.

8. Being jealous of other people. It’s not a competition – set some goals, and go for them.

9. Holding grudges. Forgive, let it go – and then move on with your life.

10. Trying to be perfect. It’s not realistic so don’t waste your time.

[nachtigallsblog]

[depressedanxietydeath]

Somedays I feel like everyone hates me. 

Correction: 

Most days I feel like everyone hates me.

[depressed-dumbarse]

Why I hate people

My own brother calls me useless, pathetic, lazy etc

Before I was like 12 I was too insecure to go into the kitchen with other people there because my brothers called me fat and a pig for years

My mother practically worships my brother and won’t tell me his personal business but has told him all about mine

My brother told me to kill myself like a week after I attempted

That same brother called me a “depressed little shit”

If I’m angry/stressed/tired/sad everyone just says I’m fine because I don’t go to work

When I try to say that I’ve had a hard day I get “I’ve been out since 8 for work and I’ve just got in. I’ve had a worse day than you.”

I’ve been blamed for people’s mental health problems when all I’ve done is try to help them

If I feel left out of a conversation and ask them to stop I’m taking away everyone’s happiness and “it’s not a big deal we shouldn’t stop because she feels left out”

My mum calls me a disappointment and I honestly don’t know if she’s joking or not anymore

School is a fucking joke because it seems like almost everyone is against me

A boy wants to kiss me for a bet and I found out it was a bet from my friends

Everyone who knows my deepest secrets don’t like me anymore

I was practically pushed out a friendship group (long and confusing story) because they didn’t believe I was sick

You literally can’t trust anyone anymore and it’s fucking ridiculous

I’ve been labelled as a bully for standing up to myself

I told one of my “friends” that I cried at a music video once and she would always make fun of that

I got told I was too much of a victim and that I couldn’t handle this movie and that I looked so emo after having a haircut

Went through a massive falling out with like six people against me and all the school would do about it is tell them to stop having it six against one at lunchtime and not about the note that was like “you’re playing the victim. You’ve lost the chance to come back to our group. You’ve betrayed our trust.” And listing every single reason why I was the shit friend when it seems like all they’ve done is put me down

[good-for-nothing-including-dying]

I make people around me miserable by simply existing.

[xbloody-thighsxhollow-eyesx]

Lonely in a room full of people is the worst feeling.

[lying-lifeless-like-a-doll-deac]

Even when I’m spending time with friends and having a good time, I feel lonely and forgotten…

[broken-smiles-hollow-laughs]