Broken & Lost

I’m broken and everyday I’m trying to get better but how can I when I still have all the memories and life keeps on getting more fucked up but look at me still trying... always still trying. (Please continue no matter how bad it gets just like I try to)

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

Missing out on opportunities just cause of my medical issues. I feel so alone. No one truly seems to care; no one even bothers to ask what’s wrong…

Missing out on opportunities just cause of my medical issues. It has me feeling like I’ll never be alone. It has me feeling as a failure. Makes independence seem like something just in my dreams…

Missing out on opportunities just cause of my medical issues. Makes me think everyone was right. Maybe I’m not meant for greatness. Maybe I’m not worth the hassle…

Missing out on opportunities just cause of my medical issues. It makes me want to never leave my bed. Makes me what to pretend the world doesn’t exist. Makes me learn to not strive for much anymore…

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of always having to fight. I’m tired of people thinking it’s easy to fight. I’m tired of being told just to deal with it. I’m tired of feeling like a fuck up. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of struggling. I’m tired of this same stupid pattern. I’m tired of my body. I’m tired of my mind. I’m tired of being me…

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

When did my sexual experience or lack of start to become the joke of my friend group when did it being ok to go to being concerning. When did it become everyone’s business and why does it effect me so bad. Why is that what they judge me on.. just let me be.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

The further into junior year I get the more I just wanna escape this place, this school, this city, this state. I just wanna start over. I want to be able to surround myself with people who don’t just act like my friend now. I want to feel like I can depend on someone and be myself and not have to put up a facade. I want a best friend and a new start. I wanna feel like I belong and not in the fake way. Everyday I see myself going to college farther and farther then my hometown but at the same time staying and hoping for the change to come.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

Never thought the day would come when my friends would have talks with me either telling me it’s embarrassing or concerning I haven’t been with anyone. Everyone expects me to have done stuff and know a bunch of people but that’s not me. I go home and I pray to get 1 text from someone. I’m sorry I’m not someone everyone loves and I’m just someone they talk to when it’s convenient. I’ve never felt more insecure abt my love life till now…

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I’ve been thinking abt love or rather how I am prolly not destined to find it. Every time I open this I see how many people prove that right and even more in my drafts. Yet some part of me hopes I’ll find a guy one day who I can share this with. who I don’t feel for need to writing abt but rather show it to him to tell him how he’s the reason I don’t need to write here anymore..

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

It’s been 3 whole months since u kicked me out of ur life. Why today did u decide to contact me again. Why did u decide to reappear when I was finally moving on. Why the second I saw that notification u r all I can think abt. I feel like I’m back to when u first hurt me and u can’t even answer me. I wish u never reappeared. I wish u kept ur promise…

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I wish I could take back everything I said in our last conversation. I wish I never told u u were a waste of my time. I wish I could just move on. I wish we didn’t end like this. Why did we always get so toxic when we fought. Why did we always try to hurt eachother during them. Why did we go so low. Why didn’t I word it better. God I would do anything to apologize and explain myself but I can’t cuz u said it urself that u never want me in ur life again. I dream abt the day when u unblock my number and text me or the day we run into each other and I can see u just once more. Ur all I can think abt... why can’t I stop thinking abt u.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

Friends with benefits that’s what we r. We understand eachother we trust eachother but we r just friends who wanna fuck. It’s great, it’s fun, it’s carefree, but now I’m confused. God what if I’m falling when I know u r not...maybe the romcoms r right and friends with benefits never work.

[pump-kink-pie]

Im just. So defeated.

Im in my 20s with a chronic pain disorder that causes intense pain in my right hip, back and hands. Combined with persistent fatigue, makes it really hard to function and some days. I know i dont look sick. So im looked at as a faker, a drama queen, lazy and looking for reasons to call out sick. My supervisors dont question it but some of my coworkers are not as understanding.

Im just so over having to work twice as hard through pains just to fend off this stigma.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

knowing this is were my life is heading some day is defeating. For now i’ll just be like this thru my teen yrs. 

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I’m sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing knowing I have to say goodbye but not knowing if I have the strength to do so. i fell for you and i never thought i was gonna have to say goodbye. i don’t want to do this but i have to. having you in my life just continues to hurt me over and over again. so this is our goodbye i hope i don’t regret it.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

you told me... you told me he didn’t actually care about me and i didn’t believe you. now not only am i heartbroken over him i am also upset i lost you in the process. i should have believed you but i put his words first and now i’m paying the price. 

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

i fell for you and i thought you were falling for me too but no that wasn't the truth. the truth was you saw me as a friend but you lied and said you had feelings. you led me on for a month and then asked me to just be friends. you broke my heart and i don’t know what to do now. all i can do is crying and feel numb now. i wake up and hope this is some shitty dream but i know it isn’t. you are gone and i want to hate you but i cant all i can do is miss you and i hate myself for believing you.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

liar

thats all you are. you lied to me so much. you lied to me for weeks. you told me you liked me and that u wanted to be with me but that wasn't true. you complimented me and said a shit ton of cute things but it was all a game to you. i was just a game to you. you lied until the day i really needed you and then you told me the truth. you never cared but you lied and made me believe you did...

why are you such a liar?

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I shouldn’t have let u in again. I should have never told u anything. I should have never picked up that phone call or answered that text. I should have never start caring for u again. I SHOULD HAVE KNOW BETTER. All u did was hurt me again. All u did was make me feel insecure when I was finally becoming confident.

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

Some days I just want to go back to being the fat/ugly girl. Some days I don’t want to be skinny or hot anymore. Some days I want go back to being ignored cuz then at least I would know guys like my personality. Now all they want is my body they want me to open my leg or to send a pic. I just want to be loved I don’t want to be used. I want to go back to being the fat/ugly girl and not feeling like an object but I can’t. I want the guys to start looking past the flat stomach and tiny waist with the big thighs, boobs, and ass and see my personality but they can’t. I just want to not be an object and find actual love...

[depressed-mind-empty-soul]

I said goodbye even if it hurt like a bitch.