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Excerpt from; Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh.

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#work entry #katherine #jenn #kim #062022 #mother #SoundCloud

Who am i if not intelligent? A fucking igly nobody

Still not good enough for mother. My job is worthless according to her. Its not enough i pay for utilities, phone bill, groceries.

#mother #home entry

Still in the process of remembering names. It helps that i see everyone everyday… unfortunately.

#work entry #062022

My workplace is very professional. Id say very high end we deal with tech and big media clients… its just strange when tht formality conduct is broken. Not legally, i mean subjectively.

Katherine vapes. I can hear her vape during meetings through her mic sometimes even from my desk. I dont know how she puffs out the vape and doesn’t leave a mist of white cloud. Im guessing into a bottle. I see her duck and bend reaching for her purse and then i hear the crackling inhale sound that vaping usually does and it just adds up. Plus she has mentioned wanting to take “vape” (nicotine smoke vape) breaks.

I understand tho. I dont judge. Its just interesting to see everyone else body language reactijg to such an obvious sound. She hides it well physically but the sound is a dead giveaway.

#katherine #work entry #062022

Jenn’s leaving tomorrow and coming back in a year but contract leave is 18 months…

I know i have Kim and Katherine to fall back on and ask for help, but those two are just as intimidating. Katherine and i are the same level but she definitely talks over me alot, I really have to raise my voice and interject to speak… which from experience im not the best at. Ill be a cliche and blame it on trauma. Over the past two weeks ive learnt alot so its been easier to insert myself and speak but I still feel a strain and lump in my throat before i speak. It goes away when I speak.

As for Kim… ive never seen her face to face. Never seen her in the office. Ive been in meetings with her, spoken to her on the phone. Presented with her being in the meeting (digital teams meeting). Digitally, she’s at my doorstep. Physically? I have no idea who she is. I will say she has a nice and kind voice. Its calming and not so intimidating. Katherines voice has a scratchy base, but because she has an innocent and kind face its easier to balance.

#jenn #katherine #kim #062022 #work entry

You know how in the hospital they have this thing called “scut work” ? Well today, to be exact: this morning. I did some, but in corporate form. Filling, reviewing, revisisng, logging etc…

In my place of work I’d refine tht as “scut work” because it isn’t necessarily the prettiest or shiniest but its the most tedious and redundant and annoying work… especially (back to the hospital analogy) if your coworkers on your team are doing high value surgeries and rare patient care.

Anyways, I this morning cause it kinda changed past noon and i got more duties so im guessing it depends. Its interesting though. My coworker katherine has a full month head start from me cause she got hired earlier so she’s been here a month already but im only starting (2+ weeks in) and picking up the pieces here and there.

#katherine #062022 #work entry

Excerpt from; Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh.

luthienne

Franz Wright, from God's Silence; "East Boston, 1996"

[Text ID: Walking home, for a moment / you almost believe you could start again. / And an intense love rushes to your heart, / and hope. It's unendurable, unendurable.]