Sorry for dropping this out of nowhere but.. how do you do it? Your my age and your so good at everything I want to be good at.. your already working for multiple successful indie shows that won awards and have merch sold at freaking sharkrobot
How is your future already so bright? How are you so successful?
Usually when people ask or say something like this, I don’t know how to answer since I tend to just, live in the moment and such. I don’t always pay attention to what causes my present moment, but I appreciate it when I’m made to pause and think about it.
I’ve been realizing lately that if I’m honest, I’ve been “working my tail off”, as my dad might put it lol. I’ve been rather relentless in my pursuit to improve and stand out, sometimes on accident, but happy accidents I take advantage of. I’ve always been scared of missing opportunities and I always feel the need to push myself and be the best me I can be.
The thing is that I 100% do NOT have any guarantee of a bright future. I still wonder if I’ll be able to be able to create what I want at the level of the people I look up to, the people that have achieved what I perceive as success and whether my efforts are enough. I’m gonna need to make sacrifices against and for my own happiness and I’m going to fuck up. I’m going to disappoint myself and others and I’m going to be frustrated but if I’ve learned anything about myself it’s that I’m stubborn and hate backing out of commitments, so even if I fuck up im gonna keep going and trying cause it’s genuinely what I want.
For the indie work and all that, I worked really hard to put myself out there and not miss opportunities put infront of me. I’m impulsive to a fault I’d think. It usually leads to me doing more work than I can handle and just barely meeting expectations.
I suppose the connections I’ve made have also helped a lot- Actually pause cause literally the energy I’ve put into ensuring both opportunistic relationships and a good support system has really helped me. My parents have been holding me on their backs as I’ve entered adulthood. My partner is literally my biggest fan and I draw inspiration and motivation from them everyday. They make me laugh, they provide escape and comfort and have helped me know my worth outside of my work. My friends are the people I hold especially close cause they all teach me something new and overall I want to impress the people the build me up, I want to create something special to show them the person they’ve helped to create has not taken them for granted.
There are many ways I’m failing in my personally life while other people see success. Like how I’ve yet to land a proper minimum wage job in the past two years, both a mix of rejection and lack of trying.
I won’t put a label on it cause my lived experience cannot be replicated but I hope to inspire hope to improve the lived experiences of others.
I think the best way I can put it is I figured out what I was good at and passionate about and I ran with it. I do think about the future, constantly actually, and I know I’m always making different plans for one scenario, which can be overwhelming but also makes on instance more exciting with possibilities.
One more thing I would add is to be patient but know what you want before anything. Everyone is going at their own pace and figuring out their life, you shouldn’t be discouraged by the success of another, though I understand the feeling. Instead, understand it as a possibility. You may not be where you want to be but that doesn’t mean you are less. Just like me, you are still developing a future with many possibilities that are scary but exciting. Just try to have fun with it and enjoy your own process and journey.
But also don’t take my word or actions as gospel I’m so serious. Like you said, we’re likely similar in age, the level of wisdom a 19 year old shouldn’t be some inspirational quote or goal, I’m just me and these are my thoughts, I wish you luck in whatever your heart and mind leads you to and know we are all rooting for you!
kianamaiart
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