i know this is on my new account so i dont have a lot of my followers here yet, but i will be reblogging this post on all of my blogs i have. life update, whatever you want to call it. heart failure, sickness, hospital, surgery and just death stuff in general.
in november, my dad collapsed in the house and had to go to the er by ambulance. he’s been dealing with heart failure for years, had open heart surgery back in like 2010, and had a defibrillator put in. he’s never gone back in to have the defibrillator batteries replaced and his heart has been getting worse over the years with age. in november, we finally were able to convince him to have the surgery to do that. it went great!! his heart started to work a little better and catching up with his body. last week, my mom called me to say that he couldn’t breathe, and she convinced him to go back to the hospital via an ambulance again. it’s not good. his liver is failing. both his kidneys are failing. so everything your kidneys are supposed to filter out is just sitting in his body. he has had a breathing tube down his throat for almost a week and they have to take it out soon or it’s going to cause permanent damage or they’re going to have to put a permanent one in, which he’s already said no to. he’s stable, but he’s stable because the machines he’s on are doing all the work for his body right now. my sister is down there with my family ( they live in another state ) and my job basically told me to go fuck myself as far as going down there right now. it’s not good, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get any better. he's conscious, but with the breathing tube in his throat he can only answer yes or no questions. again, my sister is down there, but me and my sister both know that he doesn't want to live on life support and stuff like that. on top of that, there's the problem with what to do with our mother. me and my sister are not close to her, we do not care about her, we've been trying to go no contact but haven't because we love our dad. she's never worked a day in her life, and is completely useless in literally everything. once something happens to my dad, we have no idea what the fuck to do with her. and everytime she calls me to update me on my dad's condition, she immeditely makes it about herself when we've told her this was coming years ago. she should have figured something out. i'm not using the money i make to take care of a grown 44 year old fucking woman. i’m completely helpless in the situation, and i’ve never lost a family member i knew or was close to before, let alone a parent. it is hard to exist, let alone be online. i see my notifications of tumblr and discord and i’m sorry if it looks like i’m ignoring you or something but i genuinely do not have the energy for anyone except my partners right now. i’m trying so hard to figure out a way to go do down there ( probably for a funeral because it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it to the end of the year ) without loosing my job because i do not have an immediate new job to set up to go to. it would be different if i needed time off to go to a funeral in the same state, but its in another state, so money and travel time. in the end, if they’ve got a problem with me going to my father’s funeral, i will be quitting my job as well. which we all know how the job search is, and the financial strains on households as it is. im barely getting up enough in the morning to go to work in retail without having a breakdown of the stuff going on. so this is that update. please don’t expect much from me right now.
