Desomorpheus

"Hell, Purgatory and Heaven are but states of the mind."

[desomorpheus]

Town: Y3ReeX0 Hood: Grim Vale House: Gamers' Lair

As the old values and ways of thinking/living are slowly expiring, the traditional masculine-feminine dynamic is also being affected but it is not entirely shattered and replaced yet, leaving it in a state of a liminal limbo only very few are aware of.

As the illusion of the permanence of this dynamics slowly turns into dust around everyone, leaving them utterly confused (and most retreating into their old way of thinking), a new controversial bastion (supposedly led by the mysterious "Big Father") has emerged - one that forges its own interpretation of this dynamic, combining the old traditional views with modern approaches and socially darwinistic philosophy.

[desomorpheus]

Town: Y3ReeX0 Hood: Machinerion House: Schoolery

Although never really considered fun or enjoyable, in the past Schoolery felt just like your generic school that you have to spend a few hours a day to be free again, giving value to your free time.

Now it feels like it has trapped everybody in its invisible yet everpresent structure, including the lectors and teachers themselves - and everyone is just following some deeply ingrained patterns without a real ability or willpower to change them or at least get aware of it. Its doctrine is also a sinister mixture of pointless productivity and forced positivity, giving it an even more nauseating, burned out vibe.

[desomorpheus]

Town: Y3ReeX0 Hood: Machinerion House: W-Club

Once a haven of smiling friends and carefree fun, now it feels more like a place where to survive a yet another evening out of sheer inertia and pretend that everything is as fun as it always was, at least on the outside.

Some however do not have energy even for that and have rather given up on pretending entirely, fully becoming a mere shells and husks of their previous selves.

[desomorpheus]

The evolution of my adventure games, links below: 1) Schoollout (czech only)

2) Joe's Miserable Life 2.1) Bonus: Joe's Horrible Hell 3) Dark Times: Merry Christmas 4) Mind Rape: Duress

[desomorpheus]

[desomorpheus]

Lucid Hustle 001: The Core Method

I have been trying to learn lucid dreaming for several years but always failed due to a lack of motivation while also feeling like the methods used to learn lucid dreaming are not "wide" in range enough, leading to me very easily losing patience.

Therefore, I have decided to salvage what those methods have to offer and tinker them based on my observations of how my mind works.

This "Lucid Hustle" diary serves as a way of observing my progress as well as the mind itself from yet another angle - and in this very first part I will draft the core of the method I will be using.

Pretty sure that I am just reinventing the wheel and I am not the very first one to come up with those.

Note: I have been writing down my dreams (with pauses) for more than ten years now.

The core of the method to achieve lucid dreaming (semi-regularly):

Goal: The goal of this method is to essentially force my mind into constantly working with the possibility of me being in a dream at any given moment, so I can subconsciously observe dream signs to check for it.

For the main problem I have noticed is that I simply do not even consider that I might be in a dream, essentially preventing me from checking - but sometimes I did, and from those instances I am crafting the method below.

Step 01: I will note all the repeating locations where I am moving during my waking day - the locations will be separated from each other (aka where one ends and another starts) arbitrarily (as things naturally are) how I feel like it (unless I discover a superior pattern of separation relevant to this purpose).

The reason for this step is that I have noticed that I am often somewhere in these locations during my dreams (but they are warped).

Step 02: For some time, I will have to consciously train my mind to trigger an awareness of me entering a new location and in reaction to that awareness, I will check whether the location looks normal or whether it is somehow changed (I can also check how I feel about the location, it is different in dreams).

Very often the sky has a different color, there are extra roads or objects - but most importantly, everything looks just like an imperfect replication of the supposed location once I start checking the details.

Step 03: When noticing anything strange, my mind will again tell me that this is not a dream (it always does), which I have to take with a grain of salt and perform a reality check or more to be sure.

My to-go reality check is to simply look at my hand and count the fingers for in most of my dreams, the hand is extremely crooked but the mind gets better at its replication therefore I will have to probably add some other check soon.

I also usually try pushing a finger through my palm but that works only when I am relaxed enough, if not then the dream's simulation is strangely stable and won't let me do it.

Step 04: Once I have confirmed that I am in a dream, I will try visiting the Chamber to my Subconsciousness yet again (more in my next posts, it's one of the main reasons why I want to learn lucid dreaming) for each time I entered a lucid dream and had no clear goal in it, I woke up.

Note: The method above is just a core for a more developed work with my dreams and by extension mind iself but just enough to quickly learn it without getting overwhelmed and losing motivation (which happened to me often, not just regarding Lucid Dreaming).

I will expans the method in future posts and with more experience or theory.

[desomorpheus]

A Dimly Lit Town

Previous Part: Darkened Sun

Still keeping the menacing tent colony inhabitants in his mind, the man sits next to a tree, trying to remember what he is after. Having no success, he stands up and simply continues to the town right in front of him, it is already dark outside – a thick blackness surrounding the bleak landscape. Feeling covered by the darkness, the guy slowly approaches the small settlement.

Most, if not all, houses seem sleeping with their lights off but on the streets, some lamps do shine with the characteristic dim orange light. Yet there is no one on the streets, so the guy keeps walking on the pavement, noticing a light mist permeating the whole town. He stops.

There are silhouettes of people in all the windows of all the houses, watching him closely and without a single move. They are hard to notice but their presence is undeniable, suddenly he feels hundreds of eyes all around his body. Now he watches his every step, slowing down, waiting for something to happen – but no reaction comes, he is just being observed.

He notices something interesting in the far – a reddish light slightly darker than the one coming from the other lamps. The idea of approaching it is both attractive and worrying for the guy. Yet curiosity overpowers caution and now he is on the way to the source. Walking very slowly, with his every step closely watched from the windows, he reveals that the light comes from a bigger lamp in the middle of the town square.

All around it are standing people, watching it. This sight fills his body with an instant terror but after a while, his pulse is back to normal. He tries speaking to the mysterious inhabitants.

„Hello?“                                                                                                                

No answer comes, so he cautiously approaches the nearest person and touches them, they suddenly turn right to him to reveal a wide smile. The man is horrified for a while but the person does not seem dangerous, at least not directly or now. Yet he notices something happening now.

The light is slowly changing color to blue and the person’s smile changes into the saddest frown imaginable. Silent crying can be heard throughout the whole settlement and everyone  turns into the fetal position. The man realizes that he is losing time for this will not bring him his desired piece of furniture, whatever it is, and decides to look for a store.

Walking through the crying town, he notices that the watchers are gone from the windows and the streets are much colder than before. The crying is frustrating for it interrupts the man’s mental flow to a critical degree. He has to put enormous effort into keeping the track of what he is even trying to achieve.

However, being unable to find a single store in this house only settlement, he decides to just take the first chair from any random house. The guy realizes that if he does it slowly and silently, no one will even notice him stealing a piece of furniture. Maybe they will not even realize it is missing if done with extra caution.

[desomorpheus]

Darkened Sun

Previous Part: Children Of The Hole

The skinny man is slowly wandering through the gloomy forest grown on a white sand. Trying to approach the village in front of him, he feels fatigued but the settlement does not get closer.

„Strange, it took the children around half an hour to get there, I am already wandering for several hours.“

Extremely fatigued and thirsty, the guy sits on the ground and is breathing heavily. Looking around, the man realizes that he is in the middle of a tent colony. He chooses the closest one and gets inside, it is much bigger there than from the outside. It looks actually like a small house with a kitchen, a bed and everything but it lacks windows altogether.

Someone stands in front of his new home, a stranger with a cake, and several other ones. Everyone welcomes the man to their neighborhood and gives him a cake. Slightly confused, the man again tries to remember what is the sole purpose of his journey while apathetically accepting cakes and putting them on the table inside, so he can go back to his thoughts.

When all the cakes are stockpiled on the table, the guy goes outside and notices that the sky is getting all light gray, almost white while the sun turns completely black. This terrifying sight gives him the worst of thoughts, that the sun might emit highly carcinogenic rays or cause some incurable skin infection. All he wants to do is hide.

So he does, inside his tent, while observing the people outside, who did not seem to give any attention to the seemingly apocalyptic vision. Watching them function outside normally, he assumes that the sun might not be dangerous and very slowly leaves his shelter to ask the nearest person about it. However, the person does not answer, they just smile and ask the skinny man whether he has some snacks he could miss.

„Sure, there is some cake on my table, eat all you can.“

The skinny guy then continues asking others with no avail, everyone either ignores his questions entirely, answer something nonsensical or just tells him to calm down. The frustration grows and further changes into a paranoid assumption that he is surely an unwitting pawn in some scheme and this is just a part of it, causing him to turn highly distrustful towards the members of the tent colony.

„I must prioritize leaving this damned place, I will think about my purpose later.“

The guy therefore simply walks further and further from the colony while hoping that he will not become a target of some backstabbing attack. One step, second step, third step... Eventually, he looks back to see the people of the colony function normally but some are watching him. Since this might be a confirmation of hid worries, the guy is glad that he has left the place.

The sun is still black and the sky light gray with a slight shade of blue, this is something so unspeakably scary that the man hides behind a tree and waits for everything to change back into normal. The colony members might have functioned normally despite this vision but what if they had some special sun cream?

Next Part: A Dimly Lit Town

[desomorpheus]

Children Of The Hole

Previous Part: Sink Haven

The man gets especially sensitive to all sounds for a while, trying to hear anything else than the initial scream, focusing heavily. It seems that there is some aroused humming coming from the outside, so he slowly and very carefully leaves the grim shelter, making sure that no spider egg will be destroyed.

The time of the day is hard to specify, as if a day and a night had an offspring. The skinny guy finds himself walking on a dirt road surrounded by street lamps emitting a grim orange light. Besides them,  there is nothing else around him but a deciduous forest. He gets thrilled by the possibilities of what might be the source of the hum. So much, that he has to take constant breaks when he just sits on the road and tries to remember what is he even searching for.

Walking further and further, he sees several little silhouettes in the shine of the orange light. As the man approaches them, he witnesses a huge deep hole in the road surrounded by children dressed in fur, looking like they belong to the stone age. However, their hygiene and health both seem fine. The man knows who they are – children who have decided to leave the town life and stick to a simplier way, moving to a deep muddy hole instead. But during evening, they return to the nearest village so their parents can feed them with warm food. The guy starts asking.

„Do you have a couch or two that you can miss?“

The children look at him and point to the hole, so the man would follow them, which he does. There is nothing inside, only more children, most of which are just standing or sitting. The man tries not to look at them, so they will not talk to him. The one who brought the guy inside then instructs him to wait until they all return from their parents. He therefore stays as the children slowly leave the grimly lit road and crossing the forest, disappear into the slightly shining village.

Sitting in the hole, he feels cold and thinks how it would be to live here forever. The place seems much smaller than one would expect. The man decides to walk around it, he tries to look at the sky but as if it was not possible for him to turn the head the right direction, giving up eventually.

„Do I need to study for any exam?“

Then, the children are back again, even in the hole. He is on the road now, when he sees a huge silhouette in far – a giant running horse. The man stays idle, thinking about what to do but unable to catch the mental flow.

„I must run.“

Trying to run, he finds himself moving extremely slow, as if he was under water. This takes several seconds or maybe minutes, fatiguing the guy. After giving up, the man has already accepted his fate and waits until he gets crushed by the huge animal together with the children, who do not seem to pay any attention to the dire situation they are in.

The horse passes swiftly, leaving only a fresh flurry behind. The guy looks around to find the place in the exact same form it was before the horse. No dead children or anything, even the hole is empty and the animal nowhere to be found, as if it has simply disappeared. The skinny man then remembers that the children went to a village, where a couch or a chair simply has to be, deciding his next stop.

Next Part: Darkened Sun

[desomorpheus]

The light is slightly buzzing and silent, regular beeps can be heard.

[desomorpheus]

Sink Haven

Previous Part: AIDSY Needler

Standing on the sink and watching all the syringes on the ground, the man starts to think deeper and deeper.

„Did I turn everything off? How about the television or oven, I would like to check once more.“

Then, a sudden realization disturbs him from this obsessive mental flow. There are syringes on the ground and the walls are slowly getting swarmed by spiders, he has to solve this riddle before it all gets to him and something unspeakably horrific  will happen.

Observing the thin rapidly moving legs, the guy slowly shivers in creeping disgust, there might be hundreds or maybe thousands of spiders all around the room. All of them with small bodies and long legs which fall off easily, remaining on the walls, making it seem hairy. These fragile creatures surround the whole room, including the people lying on the ground. But none of them react for they have already died, and their bodies are now completely dried despite looking normally.

The guy sits on the sink, watching a wound he did not know he has on his forearm,  a small red dot, slightly swollen. Touching it, he feels no pain, only that his skin is strangely hardened in this area. He tries to stick a finger into the wound, which is surprisingly easy. Spreading the little hole wider, the man feels that there is something inside, which he manages to put out –  an angular cooked piece of meat.

„Bovine.“

The man then puts out any rests of the meat left until he realizes the situation he is still trapped in. Looking around, he sees the spiders still crawling the walls around but there seems to be less people on the ground now than before, they have probably left. Observing the repulsive little creatures, it seems that they have laid little pink eggs inside the syringes. This gives the man a sense of warmth, so many new lives will arise soon.

However, he then feels itching and looks at his wound again, it is swollen and burning, there are three little moving spider legs sticking up from it, moving slowly. The man pulls them out to reveal another spider and then looks into the hole, which is now very widened. It is full of pink eggs. A sudden strike of absolute disgust pierces through his skinny body and he moans in psychological agony, trying to comprehend the utter terror he is feeling.

„THIS IS ENOUGH!“

He jumps back on the ground, no people are in the room anymore, only spiders and parts of syringes, including needles and pieces of plastic. The eggs have now merged into a transparent pink mash, absorbing the spiders. Standing on the ground, the guy tries to forcibly remember what is even the reason for this journey of his.

„I need a new couch or something.“

Scratching his head for a while, he gets trapped into a flow of thoughts regarding his room, causing him to get completely apathetic to the sinister happening all around him.

A sudden loud scream comes from the outside. The man’s heart is racing. His forehead sweaty. The arms are shaking.

Next Part: Children Of The Hole

[desomorpheus]

AIDSY Needler

Previous Part: Fairybrothel

Through a slowly fading darkness, the skinny man wanders while constantly forgetting what is even the main reason of this journey. Whenever he remembers, something quickly steals his attention, usually a tree or a bush. As the void retreats, greyish sky with an orange round sun is revealed. The guy seems stuck in his own mind, as if he would like to remember the way to some desired destination but his attention did not allow this.

„Did I lock my house?“

A tall brown haired figure is now approaching him while smiling, an old friend from elementary school with a slightly green tint on his skin. The black haired man waves and greets his new companion.

„Hello! Do you want to play cards?“

The brown haired guy however does not answer, instead he grins and stabs the other man with a rusty and dirty syringe.

„You are now infected with AIDS.“

Looking at his wound, the black haired man does not feel any emotion for he knows that if the needle is older than a few minutes, he should not get infected. Still, he asks just to be sure:

„Is the syringe older than five minutes?“

No answer is given, his old friend just says that he has to go to work now and wanders away. However, the syringe is still lying on the ground, so the skinny guy quickly picks it up so it can be tested for infections. Now to find a lab and someone responsible.

The darkness is almost completely gone, replaced with a thin grey fog now. Walking further and further, the man approaches a small white concrete cabin, unkept and covered by incomprehensible grafitti. It looks like a public toilet with only one plastic door, so he enters.

Lit with dim and slightly greenish light, the room is dirty, smelling like piss combined with cheap disinfection, and there is no toilet at all, only one sink and several people lying on the ground, talking to each other silently. The skinny guy slowly approaches the grased sink and stares into a small, dusty broken mirror above it – his skin looks red and the eyes are swollen badly. Touching his own face, he feels that it is strangely cold and hardened.

„How am I gonna turn my face back to normal?“

Then, he puts the syringe in the sink and asks the people around whether it is infected or not. One of them, an old woman, answers that everything is okay but that there might be one or two HIV viruses left, yet not enough to start the disease. Relieved, the man turns around only to see that there are now many syringes on the ground with rusty needles. This gives him a severe panic attack and he therefore climbs on the sink, where he stays and thinks what to do next.

The granny on the ground looks directly at him and utters: „Tetanus.“

Next Part: Sink Haven

[desomorpheus]

Fairybrothel

Previous Part: Hairlings

From a small wooden hut, a black haired skinny man wanders into the darkness, where he turns invisible. Cloaked by the void, the guy slowly wanders the dirt road surrounded by yellowish and reddish trees while right above him is a dark sky with a slight orange tint. Yet blackness dominates.

Suddenly and out of nowhere, a blinding yellow flash occurs, revealing two women in front of him, of which one turns around and smiles. She is just beautiful, absolutely gorgerous. The other might be older, maybe a mother and a daughter.

„I have to kill them.“

As the man slowly approaches both of the girls, he realizes that their destination is a lone brothel right next to the dirt path. A huge white wooden building looking like from a fairy tale, with an always glowing lamp in front of the door. Very cozy looking, so the guy keeps watching this view with a warmth in his heart as he smiles. Silently, he cries out of sheer emotion.

Eventually, the man enters this brothel, it is dimly lit by reddish light and full of antiquarian furniture. The invisible guy wanders around, yet it seems completely abandoned. However, in the first floor, he meets a teenage looking girl with blonde hair and an attractive body as well as face.

As she is dressed only in white underwear, this causes him a strong erection. First now he realizes that this floor looks different , it is lit by dim yellowish light and there is no furniture at all. It is a long beige corridor with a lot of wooden door. The blonde enters one of them.

„What a wonderfully looking being.“

The guy opens the door. He sees a black room with a huge double bed, a red carpet and a mirror – yet the girl is nowhere to find. But there seems to be another one, black haired and with a tanned skin, lying on the bed, waiting with her legs spread.

Violently, he jumps right at her and starts choking the girl while trying to fuck her as much as he can, she is completely apathetic during the act. Unable to relieve his erection, the skinny man gives up and looks into the mirror. His face is bigger than usual and the eyes look a little out of place as well.

Leaving this room, he sees the blonde girl on the corridor again. This time, three noseless men with hats, sunglasses and dressed in gray suits are following her.

One of them utters: „We are going to make a snuff film.“

The other adds: „The blonde girl will probably die in the process.“

Then, all of them disappear into one of the wooden door as the girl’s white panties slowly fall on the ground while she performs the most seductive walk ever witnessed.  The skinny guy tries to catch his thought for a while for he has completely forgotten what is the purpose of his journey. Luckily, he remembers.

„This is it. I need a new bed.“

Then, he leaves the brothel to reenter the ubiquitous void again.

Next Part: AIDSY Needler

[desomorpheus]

Hairlings

In a slightly dirty and an almost barren dusty small room dimly lit with bluish fluorescent light, a skinny man dressed only in his underwear wakes up all of a sudden to hear hollow metallic sounds from somewhere very far away. „What is going on, where am I... Oh, I just woke up.“

Lying in the bed for a while, the guy thinks whether it is already time to leave it. Eventually, he walks in front of a glassless window to see a complete darkness outside filled only with the sinister sounds. Feeling a combination of anxiety and thrill, the man turns around and looks at the bed. An old, ugly and unkept one. As if stolen from some abandoned house.

Right on the place he has just left, many little curvy black lines are moving, dozens, maybe hundreds. The only sound these tiny things do is slight crackling and an occasional violin tone can be heard. In the dim radiance of the weak fluorescent tube, they look pretty much alive.

„HAIRLINGS!“

Filled with shivering disgust, the man shrieks and hides into a corner while twisting his body in a sudden convulsion. This takes at least a minute, then the muscles calm down with him watching the hairlings move all around the bed, breathing slowly.

„I must remove them completely, no trace left is acceptable!“

The skinny guy quickly rushes to the only wooden locker, also old and decrepit, opens it and searches through many plastic bottles for several seconds until he finds the right one – a slightly green and covered with dried up yellow filth.

Then, the skinny man returns back to the bed with a determined grin in his face and opens the bottle to spill its content, a transparent yellow-green liquid, all around the bed. Whenever a hairling is covered by the chemically smelling substance, it dissolves while emitting a high-pitched scream. A very satisfying orgy starts in the unkept flat that is now being permeated by one scream after another, a ghastly symphony. Eventually, all hairlings are dissolved and the screams disappear into a single point where they get silent completely.

However, the dissolution continues and after an hour or so, the bed is no more a solid object inside a dimly lit room but just a chalk drawing on the concrete ground, the liquid is already all gone, leaving only a sweet chemical smell inside the room.

„This can happen to anyone.“

The guy then throws the bottle on the drawing, making it a part of it, and eventually decides to walk outside from this vision for it fills him with sadness and anxiety.

Next Part: Fairybrothel