Warnings: Smut, angst, mentions of cheating, yearning?Kind of - Pure fiction obviously
Word count roughly 3k
HELLO! Pleaseee go easy this is my first EVER fic and it is certainly NOT perfect but I hope someone might enjoy it! I also have no idea what I’m actually doing and how tumblr works. Kind of written from both perspectives? Idk please take it for what it is 🧎🏼♀️➡️
P.S. I love you and always be yourself♥️
Part 2 here.
──── ⌢ ✦ ⌢ ────
“How did it go?” Rolling your eyes and trying to stop them watering, again, another reminder of how your night ended. You couldn’t reply yet, it was too painful, your heart ached. After everything, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. You almost, not almost, you felt embarrassed for even giving him a chance to try and explain himself. You got up to pour a glass of wine and after a moment of hesitation, decided not to bother with a glass. Throwing yourself down onto the sofa, you decided to torture yourself a little more, opening your camera roll and suddenly feeling as if the world was falling from beneath you. Photos of Noah and you reeled across the screen, your trip to Japan a short time ago that had taken you months of saving because you insisted on paying your own way, mundane nights spent at home, cooking and watching TV. You didn’t know how much you had taken it for granted at the time.
A loud knock at the door caused you to jump as your phone fell out of your hand. You paused for a minute, picking your phone up and setting it on the coffee table. You didn’t want to answer the door or have to deal with anyone at this time, especially after the night you had.
“It’s me”
Your back straightened at the sound of his voice. You slowly got up and walked towards the door, taking a deep breath, opening it as far as the chain lock allowed. Noah’s eyes slightly red and skin flushed, as if he had run after the uber all the way here. As much as you wanted to hate him, to slam the door shut and walk away, your body still reacted against you, your heart quickening at the sight of him.
“I don’t have anything else to say to you” attempting to close the door, but Noah’s foot was in the way.
“Please, I know I can’t take it back, I can’t change what I did.” He stuttered “I just need you to hear what i have to say”.
Noah’s heartbeat was pounding and ringing in his ears as he tried to catch his breath, swallowing down the taste of metal that had been building in his mouth, exhausted from the run here.
Very much against your better judgment, you eyed Noah closely again and unhooked the chain lock, you held out your arm to gesture him inside. You didn’t allow yourself to admit it earlier, but you now admired his appearance. You watched his chest rise and fall as Noah tried to steady his breathing, his black T-shirt clinging to all of your favourite parts of him. A pink glaze over his cheeks and his dark hair a disheveled mess, short strands framing his face. His eyes glazed over the apartment, spotting the bottle of wine and your phone which was illuminating the room with a glow from a photo of the two of you.
“I didn’t get the chance to tell you earlier, you look beautiful tonight” he said breathlessly.
You stared at him a moment, feeling your eyes sting, looking up at the celling trying to stop the fall of hot tears, you didn’t want him to see you cry tonight, not again.
“Why are you here? Why can’t you just let me try to move on without you?” Your voice was raised, hurt turning into anger with every word “You did this to us, you don’t get to follow me home and do this, whatever this is!” You scolded ghosting your arms in the air.
“I’m sorr-“ you cut him off “I even can’t look at you, not without picturing you with her!” You said through gritted teeth, narrowing your eyes at him.
Noah flinched at the last sentence. His mind flashing back to the night he ruined everything. A few weeks ago when he had too many at the bar with his friends, when she approached them. The way she had “accidentally” fallen on him when she was tipsy. After her uber cancelled last minute, Noah offered to walk her home - he told himself he wouldn’t want you walking home alone at night, especially after you had been drinking, trying to rationalise his actions in his head. His stomach churned thinking about what happened next, if only he had said no. If only he had come straight home to you, instead of crawling into bed beside you at 4am after trying to hide the smell her perfume that still lingered on his skin.
Noah approached you suddenly, his hands rising up to the sides of your face and holding your cheeks
“I’m so sorry” he chocked slightly. “There isn’t a second of the day I don’t think about how much I fucked up, how much I’ve hurt you”.
You looked up to meet his eyes and you could see the hurt in them and it made you feel sick, deep down all you wanted to do was wrap your arms around him and pretend none of this was happening.
“You need to go” you said, breaking eye contact and taking a step back.
Noah’s shoulders fell and his eyes grew heavier. “What can I do? To make this better? Tell me and I’ll do it, anything”. He pleaded with you as you turned your back on him. “Please give me another chance baby.”
Noah gently wrapped his hand around your wrist, tugging it slightly so you were both facing once more.
“I love you. I have always loved you, from the moment I met you in the coffee shop 4 years ago, when you were trying to juggle 4 cups of coffee at once, bumping into me on your way out the door. The second you looked up at me, everything in me changed.”
Your throat let out a chocked laugh as the memory flew through your mind. You couldn’t stop it anymore, your eyes welled and tears ran down your face. You looked at Noah and could see his eyes brimming with tears. He inhaled deeply and locked his eyes onto yours again.
“You made me want to be better. My life was empty, I was floating from one thing to the next without any direction, not caring about the people I hurt around me. Suddenly after meeting you I felt like everything I ever needed was in front of me, everything I didn’t know I was missing”.
Your chest heaved as you tried to stifle sobs whilst memories of the last 4 years played in your mind. You were always worried this would happen. Noah has been open with you about his past early on in your relationship. He never made it passed the 1 year mark without fucking up, or fucking someone else. Early in your relationship you quickly became used to the glances of other women he received when you were out, though Noah would always do something silently as if reassuring you, squeezing your leg or tightening his grip around your waist. You wondered what was so special about her that made her so irresistible. You naively told yourself he would be different for you, and he had been, up until now. You knew you wanted him back, you knew deep down you couldn’t live without him. The last few weeks had been the worst of your life, trying each morning to forget him and tell everyone around her that you were fine, only to end up crying in bed each night wishing he was here with you re-watching The Office for the tenth time, wishing things were different. You were in your head and Noah could tell, his hand trailed up your arm, pulling you from your thoughts. He used his other hand to pull you in closer and you didn’t stop him this time. Noticing this, Noah pulled you into his chest, placing one hand on the back of your head and holding you as she cried into his t-shirt.
“Why did you do this to us? You’ve hurt me so much” you whispered into him.
Noah felt like his heart was tearing out of his chest
“I know, baby, I know”.
Noah pressed a kiss to the top of your head and continued holding you. His eyes fell onto the photo frames that decorated the walls, filled with all of the memories you had made over the last 4 years, pulling at his heart. You hated how safe you felt with him, even when he was the one that hurt you the most, he was the only one that could make you feel better. You pulled away slightly, looking up at him through blurry eyes. Noah looked down at you and used his thumb to slowly wipe away the mascara that was now running down your face. His thumb moved lower, until it brushed over your lower lip making you instinctively open your mouth.
The room suddenly felt smaller, the air thicker as you stared at each other. Hesitantly, Noah leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours, the slight taste of wine lingering on your lips. Your head spun, you should stop this, your head dizzy from the wine, or from him, you should tell him to go, but you couldn’t. Fuck it.
You kissed him back, fuelled by anger but mixed with a love that you just couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried. Your hands traveled up Noah’s chest, feeling his pulse quicken under your hands, wrapping your hands around his neck. He followed your direction and deepened the kiss, gently biting down on your lower lip with his teeth. You felt your body heat up and your breathing became more erratic. Your right hand tugged at his hair, forcing your bodies to press together until there was no space between the two of you. Noah started walking you back slowly, careful not to break the kiss, until you bumped against the wall.
Noah’s left hand rested against the wall as his right hand grazed your chin, forcing your head to tilt. You felt his teeth graze slowly over your ear and down your neck, his breath hot on your skin causing a moan to fall from your lips. Noah kissed your neck, working his way down to your collarbone and at the same time, using his knee to part your legs slightly and apply pressure to you with his leg. He felt you roll your hips forward as if you were trying to feel more of him against you.
Noah groaned “the past 2 weeks have been the worst of my life, I’ve missed this, I’ve missed you, so much” he whispered while placing small kisses into your neck.
His arms found the hem of your t-shirt and pulled it over your head, then his fingers lingered over your bra
“Can I take this off?” He asked, as if it was your first time together.
You let out a slight laugh and nodded, helping him to unhook the clasp and letting it fall to your feet. Noah stood for a moment, looking at you, at the way your nipples hardened from the breeze coming from the still opened window. You felt your face blush for a moment, almost forgetting that you had done this a hundred times, although this felt different, your mind wondering if this would be the last time, you wondered if Noah was thinking the same.
“Help me forget about it all” you said cutting through the silence, even if it only worked for the night. Noah knew what you meant, what you needed in that moment and you didn’t need to say anymore.
He lowered his mouth and closed it around one of your nipples and swirled his tongue around the edge, causing your back to arch and tighten your grip on his hair. Your face flushed with heat and you could feel your pulse race as he worked your chest with his other free hand. Noah pulled away and grabbed you, tapping your back, silently telling you to jump. You wrapped your legs around his waist as he held you and walked over to the sofa. Noah lay you down with urgency and used his tattoo’d fingers to unbutton your jeans, you lifted your hips slightly, helping him to remove the material that was in his way, revealing the delicate black lace that he loved so much. Noah placed your left leg over his shoulder, his long fingers traced the fabric as he began gently teasing you. He hooked the intricate lace around his finger and pulled the fabric to one side, exposing you to him. Using his index finger, he dragged it up your core achingly slow, before stopping just below your clit.
You let out a groan “I really don’t think you’re in a position to be teasing me right now”.
Noah laughed, then pressed his finger to your clit, rubbing gentle circles as you felt your hips buck towards him, wanting more. Noah could feel himself harden at the sight of you beneath him, coating his fingers.
“So wet for me already baby..”.
Noah dragged his finger down and pushed it inside of you, watching as he added another. You moaned as your breath hitched at the sudden fullness and began to rock your hips to meet his fingers. Noah lowered his head and placed a kiss to your inner thigh, taking his time as his fingers worked in and out of you. Noah paused for a moment to slide the lace down your legs, removing them completely. Returning to you, letting out a groan, his mouth reached your clit as he slowly circled it with his tongue before gently sucking. He moaned against you as you writhed beneath him, your skin pink and hot. Noah worked his tongue back and forth over you, one hand pressing down on your lower stomach, the other still moving in and out of you. Your moans were growing louder, though he could tell you were trying to be quiet.
“Let me hear you baby” he said against you before removing his fingers slowly and brought them up to his mouth. You wanted to kiss him, you wanted to feel him inside of you, you pulled him into a deep kiss, tasting yourself on his tongue as you felt his hands roam wildly over your body.
Noah was aching to feel all of you, to worship every inch of your skin. To make you feel so loved and special. Your hands fumbled needily with his belt as you found the buckle, before you could remove it, Noah’s hand caught yours
“Not yet my pretty girl.. I want to take my time with you first.”
Your face flushed as Noah held your wrist tightly, guiding it above your head along with your free hand and pinning them there as his lips found yours once more.
“Keep your hands there, don’t move” his tone demanding.
Your eyes fluttered shut as you felt Noah moving slowly down your body, kissing and licking until he gently bit down on your inner thigh, causing you to open your eyes and look down at him
“Stay still for me baby”.
Your breath was stolen from your chest as Noah’s tongue returned to your now aching core, this time more intense. His tongue lapping you up as he applied more pressure to the areas he knew were extra sensitive before turning his attention to your clit. Noah knew how you liked it, sucking gently and using the tip of his tongue to draw lazy circles around you. He could feel you tensing under him. He wanted you to release all of the tension he knew had been building in you.
“Let go for me baby, I want you to cum on my tongue” Noah hummed
He kept a steady pace as you tensed underneath him, your fingers digging into your hands that were still clasped above your head. Noah tasted you on his tongue and gently caressed your thighs, watching as your breathing returned to normal.
After a moment you eagerly reached for Noah’s belt buckle again, removing it and tugging off his jeans, the faint light from outside highlighting the outline of him, revealing just how much he wanted you. He tugged off his remaining clothing and towered over you. Your eyes dragged over his stomach, his broad shoulders, soaking up his tattoos, as if trying to take a mental photograph to remember when this was all over. You felt him at your entrance, then his tip brushing gently over your clit as he coated himself in you, before slowly pushing into you. Your mind went blank in that moment, unable to think about anything and only to focus on the feeling of him deep inside of you, this is what you wanted, this would help you forget. Even just for now.
Noah started slow at first, his mind numb from feeling you around him once more. He thought he had lost you, cursing himself internally for risking this. Noah let out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding as he pulled back slowly before pushing into you again.
“Fuck..” his voice deep and eyes rolling back “you always take me so well, baby - like you were made for me”.
Noah quickened his pace, your hands clawing at his back, a little harder than usual, hurt and anger mixed with passion and lust as he began to work himself in and out of you faster. The sharp pain from your nails digging into his skin was mingling with the pleasure he felt from being inside of you. Noah watched as your face changed with his movements, how your chest rose and bounced and your lips parted. He leant down, shrinking the distance between you both and buried himself into your neck, kissing and gently biting you. You sunk your teeth into his shoulder as you felt yourself clench around him.
“Fee-“ your breath caught as he went deeper suddenly “feels so good” you said lazily.
You began rolling your hips meeting his rhythm, feeling him stretch you in all the right places and grinding against him each time he drove himself into you. Your breathing started to falter, skin hot and clammy.
“Please I-” you moaned pathetically into Noah’s ear, he maintained his pace as he felt you tighten around him. “Hm feel good baby? Let go, i’ve got you”. He said looking down at you.
With that your stomach tightened and you felt your vision blur, you squeezed your eyes shut as your mouth fell open.
“Eyes on me” he demanded.
Noah watched as you came around him, he thrust into you one last time letting out a loud groan followed by a heavy sigh as he spilled inside of you. His chest tight and muscles relaxing. He collapsed onto you, skin on skin, the air mixed with their heavy breathing.
You played with Noah’s hair as he slowly pulled himself out and placed a kiss on your forehead, still propped up over you.
“I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you, please, if you’ll let me”. You looked at him, the silence cutting through the air. “I love you” he said again, voice heavy.
You didn’t say anything. You lightly stroked his cheek, looking at Noah, into his deep eyes that were once again slightly tearful, with a lingering gaze before forcing your eyes closed, trying to stop the unwanted thoughts flooding back into your mind, now too tired to think of them and too tired to tell him that was the last time he would ever touch you.
Everything else could wait until the morning.
──── ⌢ ✦ ⌢ ────
Part 2
#noahsebastion #noah #noahsebastianfic #noahsebastiansmut #badomensfic #badomens #Noah Sebastian x reader
masterlist ☆ wc: 11.5k ☆ chapter warnings: NSFW at the end, (noah's in nothing but a mask... however, the actual smut scene itself is 4k words and wouldn’t fit into this chapter so it is linked at the end!)
i’m so so happy with this chapter! it was so fun to write, and i’m just so proud of it!!
・┈・୨୧・┈・
You didn’t really know what to expect after agreeing to this kind of relationship, but things were still normal. If anything, life seemed more peaceful. There weren’t pages of rules suddenly handed over to you or expectations to suddenly be obedient to him. Instead, it was just little things.
When work really overwhelmed you again on Wednesday, you didn’t spend the drive home pretending to be fine. You climbed into Noah’s car, shut the door and before he could even ask, you let out a long, tired sigh.
“Today was awful.” You told him, and he simply reached over and took your hand, giving it a soft squeeze.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He frowned, and simply just getting that off your chest already made you feel better.
When you got back, Noah sent you upstairs to shower and change into something comfy before dinner, and when you came back down the stairs he called you into the kitchen.
“...Come here.” He said, holding his arms open for you.
You crossed the room and let him pull you against his chest. He held you for a long moment, his hand gently rubbing against your back.
“Wanna tell me about it?”
So you did, you told him all about the espresso machine breaking, and how all the oat milk had gone off, and how you had to go into the bathroom and cry for fifteen minutes.
He had a great solution to it. He told you that after dinner he would make you both a hot chocolate, you’d go up to bed and put on a movie or TV show and cuddle. If you wanted him to use his fingers or his mouth to switch your mind off before going to sleep then he would… but an hour into the movie, he looked down at you cuddled up to his chest, and you were already softly snoring.
On Thursday, he came to visit you at work, which was a surprise. He didn’t tell you he was planning on coming in, but you smiled the second you saw him hold the door open for an elderly lady before stepping in.
He was dressed casually today, wearing a pair of black joggers and a navy hoodie, with a black baseball cap on his head. The moment his eyes found yours, a little smile appeared on his lips. Not enough that anyone else would notice, it was just for you.
“Well,” Tom smirked, leaning against the counter, “You didn’t tell me Mr Millionaire was coming in- ow!”
You elbowed him, telling him to behave. He shook his head, but grinned to himself as he wandered away to wipe down one of the tables.
You were still serving another customer, so while you made their cappuccino, you wondered how you were supposed to act? Do you treat Noah like he’s just another customer, or like he was Noah?...
Your Noah.
You mentally winced at yourself, don’t start thinking like that.
But then you handed the drink over, the customer paid, and Noah stepped up to the counter next, resting his forearm against it.
“Hi.”
“Hi.” You replied, trying to stop the shy little smile spreading across your face- though he noticed it anyway.
“So…” He began softly, and your eyes widened a little as you waited for him to continue, “You gonna ask what I want?”
You chuckled, feeling your cheeks start to heat up.
“I already know what you want.” You smiled.
“Good girl.” He said casually as he reached for his wallet, making you feel a little dizzy. You reached for a cup, trying not to let it show how it affected you.
“Anything else?”
“Hm…” He pretended to think, “Well, I hear the barista’s pretty cute.”
Your heart fluttered for a second, but you tried to shake it off.
“So what brings you here?” You asked as you began grinding coffee beans.
“I was nearby.” He shrugged.
“No you weren’t.” You smirked.
“Fine…” he sighed, “The coffee's better here than the cafe by my place.”
“Oh yeah? Is that all?"
“Mm, and I wanted to see you.”
Your hands stopped just for a second, before continuing.
“I’m heading to Davis’s after this, we’ve got to sort some stuff before tour, since it’s only a couple weeks away.”
You nodded your head.
“You not getting him a drink?”
Noah scoffed.
“He still owes me for lunch a couple days ago. If he wants coffee he can get one himself.”
You smiled to yourself, and began to work the espresso machine. Noah watched you, it really fascinated him, the way you knew exactly what to do, how you remembered regulars’ orders and gave all your customers that little smile, even on days where you felt like shit.
“You’re good at this.” Noah said, while you were staring into the distance waiting for the espresso machine.
“Hm?” You glanced over at him.
“You’re good at your job.”
You smiled.
“Thank you.”
Then, the elderly lady he’d held the door open for shuffled over beside him.
“Oh!” She smiled at you, “Is this your boyfriend, darling?”
Your eyes widened.
“Uh…”
Before you could answer, Noah spoke.
“Not yet.” He smirked, “I’ve still got a lot to prove.”
The woman laughed.
“Well, I’d say you’re doing rather well, dear.”
You felt your face burn again, while Noah stood there looking rather pleased with himself.
“I’ll take that.” He smiled
The lady picked up an extra sugar for her coffee with a cheerful smile before wandering away, and you looked back up at Noah.
“You enjoyed that.”
“Maybe a little.” He smirked, then you slid his coffee across the counter.
“Here.”
He took it with a grateful smile.
“Thank you, baby.”
Your stomach flipped, and you almost forgot what you were typing into the machine.
“Noah, I’m at work!” You hissed under your breath.
“What’s the issue?” He asked, looking entirely innocent, “You’re my baby everywhere.”
“I’m trying to be professional.” You said, trying not to smile as you looked up at him over the counter. “Your total’s 4.60.”
“I thought you were going to give me employee discount.” He smirked.
“You don’t work here.”
“I could.”
“You’d last about ten minutes.” You scoffed, making him chuckle as he tapped his card against the reader.
The machine beeped, and a big approved appeared on the screen. Then when the tip option appeared, you didn’t think anything of it. You assumed he wouldn’t tip above the minimum, now you’re living in his house rent free, now he’s flown you to Paris and bought you countless amounts of things.
“You don’t have to tip me, Noah.”
“I know.” He said simply, before tapping the ‘custom amount’ option.
You didn’t look. You turned around with a huff, and before you knew it, the machine beeped again.
Tip: $100
“Noah!” You hissed.
“What?” He smirked, “You look pretty when you’re working.” He said as he picked his cup back up, “Have a good day, sweetheart. See you at six.”
And before you could even come up with an argument for that, he turned around and left.
…
By the time Friday evening rolled around, you already noticed a change in yourself. You felt lighter than you had in months, so clearly Noah’s plan had worked, and this was helping.
Noah had been working in the studio, though he told you he'd stop at 9 so you could both cuddle in bed and put something on the TV.
“Baby?”
You looked up from where you’d stolen his corner of the sofa, not expecting to see him for another hour.
“Hm?” You hummed.
“Tommorow morning,” he leaned against the doorway, reminding you just how fucking tall he was, “I need you to pack an overnight bag.”
“What for?” You asked.
“Well, you got through the week, didn’t you? I said I had a surprise…” He smirked, “We’re staying in a hotel for the night, and make sure you pack something you’d wear to a concert.”
“A concert?” Your curiosity peaked.
He just smiled, and slowly shook his head.
“I’ve already said too much.”
“Noah-”
“We’re leaving just after lunch. And no, I’m not telling you where we’re going… just trust me. You’re gonna love it.”
He seemed pleased with himself as he pushed himself off the doorway and headed into the kitchen, grabbing a drink before disappearing back into the studio. You heard the door click shut, and a cheeky smile spread across your face.
You had an idea…
After a few minutes, Noah was back at his desk, headphones around his neck as he tapped away on his keyboard. He barely had time to look up before you wandered into the room.
“...Hi.”
He smiled, looking up at you.
“Hi.”
Without saying a word, you walked over and carefully settled yourself in his lap, looking down at him with your most innocent smile. His hands found your waist, and he looked up at you, a little taken back by your sudden confidence.
“Well,” he smiled, “This is nice.”
You tried not to giggle, and instead combed your fingers through his soft hair.
“I need something.”
“I gathered.” He leaned back in his chair, spreading his legs a little more so you were more comfortable as his thumbs brushed over your hips, “What can I do for you?”
You rested your hands on his shoulders, tilting your head sweetly as you asked,
“Can I borrow your credit card?”
His eyes widened.
“...My credit card?”
You nodded your head, and he just looked at you for a moment, almost like he couldn’t believe what you had just said.
“You know, we’ve been doing this for so long…” a lazy grin spread across his face, “And I don’t think I’ve ever heard those words come out of your mouth once.”
You chuckled, twirling a strand of his hair around your finger.
“Well, I was thinking about going shopping tomorrow morning, before we leave. Y’know, get a new outfit for the mystery concert…”
“Of course, baby. What time should we go?”
You shook your head.
“Nuh-uh, you’re staying here.” You smirked, poking his chest. “I wanna surprise you with something.”
He studied your face for a second.
“Should I be worried?”
“No.” You bit back a smile.
“Should my bank account be worried?”
“...Maybe a little.” You smirked, and he chuckled.
“You’ve become suspiciously comfortable spending my money all of a sudden. You argued with me for twenty minutes in Paris when I wanted you to buy those diamond earrings.”
You shrugged, trying to look casual.
“You told me to stop feeling guilty”
“I did.”
“So…” You smiled sweetly. “…I thought I’d be a good girl and listen.”
“…You know exactly what you’re doing, don’t you?” He smirked, his hands rubbing your hips.
“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Liar.” He smiled, but still reached into his pocket for his wallet, before sliding the black card between your fingers. “There’s one condition.”
You looked up expectantly.
“I want you to spoil yourself. There’s no limit on that card, so I don’t want you buying cheaper versions of things or knock offs. I want my girl to have the best, and nothing less.”
“Yes sir.” You giggled.
He leaned forward to kiss your forehead.
“I trust you.”
You smiled to yourself as you tucked the card safely into your pocket. If only he knew exactly where you were planning to take it…
…
The next morning, Noah let you take his car to go shopping. He had a few things he had to do at home, so he didn’t mind staying behind. He kissed you goodbye at the door and told you to take your time and buy whatever you wanted.
But he had no idea where you were about to step into...
You’d never been to a physical sex shop before. You’d bought a vibrator online a couple of years ago, and it had been fine- discreet packaging, no awkward eye contact. But this time, you had to go into the store.
You wanted to surprise Noah with something new, something you could both enjoy. He’d mentioned wanting to try toys with you, and the thought had been living in your head ever since.
You felt more excited than nervous when you pulled into the parking lot, but then you walked through the door...
The shop was bigger and brighter than you expected. The hot pink walls were lined with shelves upon shelves of toys in every possible shape, color, and size. Your eyes widened as you took it all in.
To your left was a whole wall of dildos- realistic ones with veins and balls, vibrating ones, thrusting ones, even double-ended ones. Some were monstrously large, others curved in ways that made you blush just by looking at them. Next to them were displays of butt plugs in every size, some made of metal, some of silicone, some with pretty sparkly jeweled bases.
Further down the aisle were vibrators- wands, bullets, rabbits, suction toys that promised to “make you squirt”, though you scoffed at the thought of it, thinking yeah right. There were even fucking machines on display in the back corner, intimidating metal contraptions with attachments that scared you a little, making you swallow hard as you looked away.
The lingerie section was just as overwhelming- tiny lace sets that barely covered anything, latex sets that covered everything, crotchless panties, babydolls, leather harnesses, and bodysuits with cutouts.
You felt your cheeks burning hotter with every step. A couple browsed the BDSM section nearby- nipple clamps, paddles, ropes, blindfolds, and something called a “spreader bar” that made your stomach flip. Everything felt so… explicit. So shameless. You weren’t even sure just what type of toys Noah would want… or where to even start.
You stood frozen in the middle of the vibrator aisle, clutching the strap of your handbag over your shoulder. A woman walked past you holding a box with a massive purple dildo on it and a big bottle of lube like it was no big deal. You suddenly felt so out of place... so innocent.
God, I wish Noah was here, you thought, your cheeks burning. He would’ve known exactly what to pick. He would’ve stood behind you, whispering in your ear which toys he wanted to use on you, teasing you about how wet you were getting just by looking at them.
Instead, you were alone, flustered, and trying not to stare too long at a suction toy that promised “intense clitoral orgasms.”
You swallowed hard and forced yourself to pick up the safest option to start with- a simple wand vibrator. The same kind you’d seen before in porn, and much bigger than the bullet you owned a couple years ago. You could already imagine Noah holding it against your clit while he fucked you, and your thighs pressed together in the middle of the store.
You quickly grabbed it and headed toward the register before you could overthink it any more, your face burning the entire way.
…
By the time you finally got home, pulling onto Noah’s driveway, you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy over what was sitting in the black bag in the passenger seat. Before getting out of the car, you tucked the bag into your handbag so nothing looked suspicious… then you made your way inside.
“Noah?”
“I’m upstairs, baby!”
You slipped off your shoes, carefully hung your jacket up with his, and headed upstairs. His bedroom door was already open, and as you stepped inside, you found him kneeling on the floor with a suitcase lying open on the bed. Clothes were folded into neat piles, there were a couple pairs of trousers, t-shirts, his toiletries bag…
“You’ve started packing without me.” You frowned.
He glanced over his shoulder, smiling.
“I got bored waiting.”
“I’ve only been twenty minutes!” You chuckled.
“Mm, it was a very long twenty minutes.”
You laughed, walking over before leaning down to kiss the top of his head. He hummed happily at the affection before pulling one of his drawers open. Inside, were neatly folded up pairs of black, grey and white Calvin Kleins. He took a couple pairs… but then something caught your eye.
Tucked towards the back of the drawer, was black fabric, but this didn’t look like another pair of underwear. You screwed your face up, tilting your head.
“…What’s that?”
Noah paused.
“What?”
You pointed into the drawer.
“Behind your boxers.”
He followed your finger, then smiled to himself.
“Oh… that.”
He reached in and pulled it out, and you watched it unfold into a black ski mask.
“Noah..?” You chuckled, in disbelief, “Why do you have a mask in your underwear drawer?”
He laughed, smiling at it fondly.
“It’s not for robbing banks.”
“Well, that would explain a lot.”
He shook his head, still smiling.
“It’s one of my old stage masks.”
You stared at it.
“…Your what?”
“Mhm.” He turned it over in his hands. “I used to wear it on stage a couple years ago.”
“No…” You looked between the mask and him. “…You did?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
He laughed.
“I just thought it looked cool.”
You reached out.
“…Can I?”
He handed it over without hesitation, and the first thing you noticed was how the fabric was incredibly soft. You noticed it said BAD OMENS around the neck, and you tried to imagine him wearing it on stage…
“I don’t think I can picture it.” You said, looking up at him.
“Wait a sec.” He grabbed his phone from the bed. “I’ll show you.”
A few taps later, he was scrolling through his band's instagram account, and after a moment, he turned the screen towards you.
“There.”
Your eyes widened.
“…Holy shit.”
It was him… standing under bright stage lights, dressed in all black, with the mask covering his face. You could tell it was him because of the tattoos, and the black tank top. But he didn’t look like your Noah...
You looked at the photo, then back at the man kneeling comfortably on the bedroom floor in a faded old t-shirt, carefully folding up his underwear to pack in his suitcase.
“I can’t believe that’s you.”
He smiled.
“I’ve changed a bit.”
“A bit?” You looked at the photo again. “This is just crazy.”
Noah chuckled, then you handed the mask back over to him.
“So…” You said, drawing out the word as a smirk spread across your face. Noah immediately recognised that look, and he rasied an eyebrow.
“What?”
You tried your hardest to keep a straight face.
“Have you ever worn it in the bedroom?”
He looked a bit taken back.
“Excuse me?”
“The mask...”
He laughed, shaking his head, almost looking a little shy.
“…No.”
“No?” You looked back down at it in his hands with disappointment. “…Wow. What a waste.”
“A waste?” He laughed, “Baby, I spent years wearing that thing on stage.”
“And apparently nowhere else.”
He shook his head, still chuckling. Then you glanced up through your lashes.
“But would you…?”
He paused.
“…Would I what?”
“Wear it in the bedroom?”
His eyebrows lifted, and for a moment he was quiet. Then he leaned back on one hand, a smile slowly spreading across his face.
“Maybe…” He nodded, “It just depends.”
“On what?”
His smile turned teasing.
“…Who’s asking.”
Heat rushed straight to your cheeks.
“You know who’s asking.”
“No I don’t.” He teased.
“There’s only one other person in this room.”
“Hm.” He pretended to think about it. “You want me to wear this in bed?”
A smirk spread across your face.
“...Maybe.”
He held your gaze for a moment before his expression softened.
“Huh. Good to know.” He nodded casually, before turning back to packing. Then he added, “You’ve become awfully confident this week.”
“Have I?”
“Mhm.” He smiled, “The woman who used to refuse to spend my money went shopping with my credit card this morning, and now-”
“Do you wanna know what I bought?” You grinned, interrupting him, and his face softened again.
“I thought it was a surprise?”
You shrugged.
“I’m awful at surprises,” you said as you sat on the edge of his bed, reaching for your bag. “Here.”
You handed the black plastic bag over to him, and he curiously took a peek inside.
“Oh, baby… what do we have here?”
Noah reached into the bag and pulled out the box. When he saw the picture on the box, and realised there was a wand vibrator inside, his eyebrows rose slightly and a warm, delighted smile spread across his face.
“Wow…” he said softly, turning the box over in his hands. “You really went out and bought this?”
You nodded, cheeks warming under his gaze.
“I remembered you said that toys were something you’d like to try with me,” you said quietly. “So… I thought we could take this to the hotel tonight.”
Noah’s expression softened even more. He set the box aside and gently pulled you down into his lap, wrapping his arms around you.
“You went into a sex shop by yourself,” he smirked, sounding both impressed and incredibly fond. “My sweet girl did that for me?”
He kissed your forehead, and you couldn't help but giggle.
“We’re gonna have so much fun with this tonight, princess,” he said softly, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “I can already picture how pretty you’re going to look when I use it on you.”
You smiled, feeling heat rush between your thighs- then suddenly, you pushed yourself up off of him.
“I guess I better start packing then.” You smiled, and Noah nodded.
“I don’t know how much you plan on taking,” Noah began, “But there’s still plenty of room in my bag.” He nodded towards the suitcase on the bed.
“Thanks,” you said, looking down at him, then your smile became a little sheepish. “…Would you help me?”
Noah looked up at you.
“Help you pack?”
You nodded.
“If… that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.” He said soflty.
You rubbed your hands together nervously.
“Thanks. I know it probably sounds silly...”
“It doesn’t.” He shook his head, suddenly sensing the shift in your mood and body language, “Talk to me, baby. I can tell something’s bothering you.”
You let out a small sigh before sitting back down beside him on the edge of the bed.
“I always get stressed packing, it doesn’t matter if I’m going somewhere for one night or one month, I always get so overwhelmed.” You admitted. “I worry I’ve forgotten something important… then I pack extras just in case… then I convince myself I’ve packed too much…” You laughed quietly at yourself. “Then I end up unpacking everything and starting again.”
“How many times?” He asked.
“…Usually three or four.”
He smiled sympathetically.
“I wondered why it took you so long to pack for Paris.”
“You noticed?”
“I notice everything.”
Your cheeks warmed.
“I just…” You looked down at your hands, feeling slightly nervous. “I thought…”
He waited patiently.
“I thought maybe…” You smiled shyly. “Since we’re doing this now…”
His eyebrows lifted slightly.
“Could this be something you take care of for me?”
The smile that spread across his face was ever so gentle.
“Sweetheart.” He reached over, taking one of your hands in both of his. “Of course. I’d love to.”
You felt yourself relax before he’d even done anything.
“You would?”
“Mhm.” He gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you for telling me how it makes you feel.”
Your shoulders seemed to drop all by themselves, feeling the anxiety slowly melting away.
“Here’s what’s going to happen.” He said, his voice calm but still certain. Making you feel like he knows what he’s doing, everything's under control. “I’m going to ask you a few questions.”
You nodded.
“What are we doing tonight?”
“We’re going to a concert.”
“And tomorrow?”
“I think we’re coming home?”
“Yes,” he nodded with a little smile, “So that means one night away.”
You nodded again.
“That means we don’t need to prepare for every possible situation, do we, baby?”
You laughed, watching him rise to his feet.
“…I do tend to do that.” You confessed.
“I guessed.” He smirked, leading you into the guest room, where you kept everything you salvaged from your apartment. He reached for your suitcase from the closet- one that he bought you in Paris because the one you brought was overfilled- and he lied it down open on the bed.
“I’ll tell you what to pack. If you think of anything else, then tell me. If you panic or can’t decide whether you need something or not, I’ll make the choice for you.” He smiled, “Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” you nodded, chuckling quietly, “You make it sound so simple.”
“That’s because it is.” He smiled. “And once I’ve zipped this suitcase up,” he looked into your eyes. “…We’re done. No checking or unpacking. If you suddenly think of something when we’re in the car, then we can stop off somewhere and buy it.”
“…Really?”
He nodded, reaching for your hand.
“I promise you, sweetheart.” His thumb brushed gently across your knuckles. “One forgotten toothbrush has never ruined a weekend.”
He then dropped your hand and gently tapped the suitcase.
“So it seems my first official job as your dom,” he looked at you with a playful smile, “Is packing this bag. And your first job as my submissive is to trust me when I say we’ve got everything we need.”
For a moment, you simply looked at him. Then you nodded your head.
“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” You smiled.
He leaned over and kissed your forehead.
“Good girl.”
Those words made your heart feel warm, and Noah smiled to himself before setting his hands on his hips.
“Right then, let’s start packing.” He pointed towards the wardrobe, “Concert outfit first.”
You turned towards the wardrobe, searching through your clothes.
“I don’t really know what to wear.”
“That’s okay.” He walked over beside you, “What are your options?”
You reached for a couple of hangers.
“I was thinking maybe this?” You held up a black dress. “But then I thought maybe jeans with a nice top would be better… remember that top you bought me in Paris? The leather one that laces up in the front?”
You were already reaching for the top.
“But maybe it’s too much…”
“Sweetheart.”
You stopped talking, and he gave you a gentle smile.
“Remember your job.”
“…Trust you.” You nodded.
“Good.” He looked at the clothes in your hands before taking the black top from you. “I think you should wear this.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded his head.
“This and those jeans you like, the comfy ones. I think that’d be pretty.”
You smiled to yourself.
“Yeah? I was thinking about that, but I don’t know if it’d be appropriate, I don’t know what kinda concert-”
“Trust me, baby. It’ll be perfect.”
You nodded your head, and he neatly started to pack them.
“There… now, pyjamas.”
You nodded and reached for a comfy oversized tshirt, and a pair of shorts.
“And underwear!” You noted, before opening the drawers while Noah politely turned his attention to the suitcase instead.
“How many?” You called over your shoulder.
“How many nights are we staying?”
“One.”
“So?”
“…Two pairs?” You asked.
He smiled.
“Perfect.”
You grabbed two before pausing.
“…Or maybe three.”
He looked over.
“Why three?”
“Just in case.”
“What emergency requires a third pair of underwear?”
“You never know what might happen, Noah!” You chuckled, reaching for a third pair, then a couple pairs of socks, then handed it all over to him to pack.
He folded everything with such care, then looked up at you again.
“Toiletries next. Toothbrush, hairbrush, perfume, deodorant… what else? Skincare?”
You collected all those things, putting them into a wash bag before handing them over.
“Hair tools? Make-up?” He asked.
You looked at your overflowing make-up bag.
“…Do I need all of this?”
He peered inside.
“I’m not qualified to answer that.”
“I’ll bring it all, just in case.” You chuckled.
When the toiletries were packed, he zipped the little wash bag shut before placing it neatly beside your clothes, then he looked around the room.
“Anything else?”
You instinctively began scanning every shelf, every drawer, every possible thing you might have forgotten. Then your brain started doing exactly what it always did.
What about…? Did I…? Should I…?
Noah noticed your eyes darting around, and his brows furrowed.
“Hey.” Your attention returned to him. “What are you doing?”
“…Just checking.”
“For?”
“I don’t know.” You let out a tiny laugh, before quietly confessing, “My brain’s doing the thing...”
“I can tell.” He stepped closer until he was standing in front of you. “Look at me.”
You did.
“You’ve got your outfit, your toiletries. You’ve got your phone.”
“Mhm.”
“I’ve got chargers in my bag.”
“…Okay.”
Your shoulders relaxed.
“We’re staying one night. And if we somehow discover we’ve forgotten something… then we’ll just buy it.” Then, without another word, he reached down, and zipped the suitcase closed. “There.”
You stared at it.
It was done. Normally, this was the moment you’d immediately unzip it again. Check every pocket, count your socks. Wonder if you needed another hoodie. Instead, you looked at Noah.
“That’s it?” You asked.
He smiled.
“Yep.”
You took a slow breath in.
“…Okay.” A smile of pure relief spread across your face. “I’ve never packed for a trip without feeling stressed before.”
Noah walked over, cupped your face in both hands and kissed your forehead.
“That’s because this time, you didn’t have to do it by yourself.”
…
The drive passed far quicker than either of you expected it to, though neither of you complained. You stopped asking where he was taking you two hours in, and just decided to relax. He let you play your music as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel while the other reached over to rest on your thigh.
Every now and then you’d pass a sign, and you’d immediately start trying to guess the destination in your mind again… trying to figure out what concert was being held nearby…
But before you knew it, a couple of hours later, Noah pulled into the underground car park of a beautiful hotel in the middle of the city. He parked up, then got out to open the passenger door.
You climbed out and offered to take your suitcase from him, but he shook his head, insisting on taking the bags up to the entrance.
And wow… it wasn’t as fancy as Paris, but it was still so elegant.
“This is…” You couldn’t put it into words.
“Nice?”
“A little bit nicer than nice.” You chuckled.
“I hoped you’d like it.” He grinned, "I've stayed here a couple times before."
Inside, the lobby was beautiful. There were marble floors that reflected the warm light from big chandeliers overhead, fresh flowers decorated almost every table, and the entire place smelled like fresh linen and a touch of something floral... probably from the flowers.
The receptionist greeted you both warmly as you checked in, before handing Noah the room key. Then, as you stepped into the elevator, you found yourself leaning lightly against his shoulder.
“Tired?”
“A little. I think it’s from the drive.”
“Being a passenger princess is hard work,” Noah teased, “We’ve got plenty of time before we leave tonight if you want a nap.”
“I might.” You said, then he kissed the top of your head.
"C'mon then."
The room was even more beautiful than the lobby. The big windows overlooked the city, and a king sized bed sat in the centre of the room, with the most comfy looking white bedding.
There was a little seating area by the window with a small table, on which sat some fresh flowers. Beside the seats was the door to the balcony.
“…This is amazing!”
Noah set both suitcases down at the bottom of the bed.
“It’s alright.”
“‘Alright?’” Your eyebrows raised in disbelief.
He shrugged innocently.
“I’ve stayed in worse.” He smirked.
You laughed.
“You’re so spoiled, Noah.”
“Hey, I tour for a living.” He chuckled, before straightening up, “Still wanna have a nap, baby?”
You thought for a moment, before shaking your head.
“I think I’m okay. I know it’s still pretty early… but I’m so excited, I just want to get ready now.”
He smiled.
“That’s okay,” he nodded towards the bathroom. “Want to shower first?”
You looked towards the enormous bathroom before looking back at him, a little smirk on your lips.
“…Together?”
His lips curved into a soft smile.
“If you’d like.”
“Oh, I’d like.” You grinned.
…
You spent most of the shower simply talking, laughing, washing each other with gentle hands.
There wasn’t anything sexual about it, not even when he ran his soapy hands over your breasts and down to your ass. You melted into his touch, and he did the same when your fingers worked the shampoo into his hair.
Noah stepped out first, wrapping a towel around his hips before handing one to you. After you stepped out, you stayed in the bathroom for a few more minutes. Noah took another soft towel and gently started to dry your hair, then you took it from him, and made him bend down as you ruffled the towel against his hair, making it fall all over the place.
Afterwards, Noah disappeared back into the bedroom, tugging a clean black tshirt over his head while you reached into the closet for the fluffy white robe. You decided it wouldn’t make sense to get dressed yet, since there were still a few hours before you had to leave.
So instead, you dug through your suitcase for your makeup bag and hair dryer, since you always preferred your own. Then, all of a sudden you heard the sound of a phone buzzing. You instinctively looked over to check if it was yours, but it wasn’t. It was Noah’s.
“Huh.” He said as he looked at the screen.
“What?”
“I just need to take this.”
“Everything okay?”
“Mhm.” He hummed, answering it before opening the balcony door. “Hey...”
The door slid shut behind him, muting most of the conversation. You tried not to listen in, you tried to concentrate on your makeup… but you could still make out some of what was being said.
“…Yeah…”
It’s not like you were trying to listen.
“…Tell Oli I said thanks for sorting me out tonight.”
Your hand froze halfway to your eyelashes.
Oli?
There couldn’t be that many Olis Noah knew. So you tried to ignore it.
“…It’s not even really for me…”
Your curiosity won, and you looked towards the balcony door.
“No… it’s for someone special.”
Your heart skipped a beat, your tummy fluttering at his words. Someone special? You? A hundred different possibilities raced through your head, Oli, concert, someone special…
You slowly lowered the mascara wand onto the dressing table. There was only one Oli you could think of- and only one concert you had mentioned to Noah… and it suddenly started to make sense.
He was taking you to see them now, because he’d be away on tour when Bring Me were playing in your city. Your heart sank a little at the thought of Noah having to leave in a couple weeks- but you couldn’t linger on it too long, as he continued talking outside.
“…Yeah, she still has no idea.”
A grin spread across your face before you could stop it. He was definitely talking about you.
“…I owe you one, man.” He paused, then let out a laugh, “Yeah… okay, I’ll see you in a bit.”
The call ended, and your eyes widened. See you… in a bit?
Your brain immediately started putting pieces together, and your stomach fluttered.
There was absolutely no way…
You hurriedly picked your mascara back up, trying to look as though you’d never stopped getting ready, and a second later, the balcony door slid open. Noah stepped back inside, slipping his phone into his pocket.
“Everything alright?” he asked casually.
You looked at him through the mirror.
“Mhm.”
“You sure?”
“Yep.” You popped the p.
He narrowed his eyes ever so slightly.
“…You’re smiling.”
“I’m always smiling!”
He folded his arms, a suspicious smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“…How much of that did you hear?”
You widened your eyes innocently.
“Nothing!”
“Uh huh.” He nodded his head slowly, like he didn’t believe you.
“I was doing my makeup.”
“Were you now?”
“I was.”
He took a slow step closer.
“So you definitely didn’t hear any of that?”
“Well, I might’ve heard… a name.”
“And?”
“And…” You smiled sweetly. “…I still have no idea where we’re going.”
That wasn’t entirely true anymore, you weren’t completely certain, but you had a feeling that Noah’s surprise was about to rock your world. (*get it? bmth reference? heh)
…
“You ready?” Noah glanced over as you slid your rings onto your fingers.
You looked at yourself in the mirror one last time.
Your black jeans fit you perfectly, your chunky boots peeking out just enough at the bottom. The leather lace up top you’d picked with Noah earlier sat perfectly, showing just enough skin to make you feel confident and sexy without feeling too exposed. Necklaces were layered around your neck, rings decorated almost every finger, and your hair fell exactly how you’d hoped after spending nearly an hour styling it.
You actually felt cool, and very pretty.
Noah looked stupidly hot as always. In all black, as always. He wore his black jeans with the cut outs, that made you bite your lip wherever he turned around and wonder what’s he doing with all that ass? He wore his black boots too, with his fitted black tshirt beneath a lightweight jacket.
Then, as you stepped towards the door, he reached for his favourite sunglasses, putting them on despite the evening sun beginning to set, followed by a black baseball cap that hid most of his hair.
Once he was ready, he reached over, taking your hand.
“C’mon. The cabs waiting for us.”
It was only a short drive to the venue from the hotel. You were going to argue, and tell Noah you could’ve just walked… but you weren’t sure just how easily recognisable he’d be to the fans if you were going to see a band he has toured with in the past.
So instead, you sat tucked against his side in the back seat while city passed by the window. And when you looked outside, you noticed the streets were getting busier. There were groups of people dressed in black band shirts, all walking in the same direction.
Your heart began beating a little faster, and when you looked back at Noah, you could tell he was trying very hard not to smile.
The taxi finally stopped outside a huge arena, and you climbed out first, completely astounded by just how many people were lined up outside. Instead of joining the enormous queue, though, Noah gently placed a hand on the small of your back, and kept his head down as he led you away.
“This way.”
You frowned.
“But the entrance is over there.” You pointed.
“Not ours.”
“What do you mean?”
He simply smiled.
“C’mon. You'll see.”
He led you around the side of the building, where there were no crowds, and it seemed strangely quiet. A large metal security gate stood ahead, and before you even reached it, one of the security guards smiled.
“Hey, Noah! Wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”
“Hey, man.” Noah nodded, taking his sunglasses off.
The guard unclipped the barrier to let you through.
“Good to see you again.”
“You too.”
He knew the security? Shit, were you still underestimating this guy?
You followed Noah through the gate, trying not to look completely bewildered, but then another member of staff approached almost immediately.
“Oh, yhere you are.” She smiled. “Thought you’d be here a little earlier.”
“We got a little held up.” Noah explained.
“No worries.” The staff member looked towards you and smiled. “You must be Noah’s plus one.”
Your eyebrows lifted.
“…Uh…”
Before you could answer, Noah smiled and nodded his head.
“She is.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
She handed Noah two laminated passes attached to black lanyards. He slipped one over his own head before turning towards you.
“Head down for me.”
You obeyed, and he carefully lifted your hair out of the way before placing the pass around your neck. His fingers brushed lightly against the back of your neck as he adjusted it, making you shiver.
“There.”
You looked down, and were met with the bold letters reading, ALL ACCESS and your eyes widened.
“Noah?”
He just smiled.
“What?”
“I…” You looked back at the pass. “…All access?”
“Yep.”
Your heart started racing again, but he took your hand, and started to lead you as if he knew this place like the back of his hand.
“This way.”
The two of you walked through another set of doors, then another. The corridors felt endless, people hurried past carrying guitars, lighting equipment and flight cases. Someone walked by wearing a headset, speaking into a radio, and another person nodded at Noah as they passed.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey.”
It felt busy, but rather organised. You even found yourself moving a little closer to Noah as everything rushed around you.
“Nervous?” He asked softly, his hand coming around to rest on your hip.
“A little.”
He smiled reassuringly.
“I’ve got you.”
You nodded.
“I know.”
He gave your hip a gentle squeeze.
“I’m just wondering… I was gonna go find some of the guys, just to say hi, see how things are going. You can come with me if you want, I don’t mind at all, or if you’d rather we just go find our seats-“
You opened your mouth, then closed it again. Not knowing how to say it without sounding ungrateful.
“Can I be honest?”
He smiled immediately.
“I’d rather you always were.”
You laughed quietly, looking down at the floor.
“I'm just starting to feel a little anxious.”
His expression softened.
“Too many people?”
“A little. It’s just a lot… and,” You rubbed your thumb against your lanyard. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself.”
“You don’t know that! I’ve never met people like this before!”
He raised an eyebrow.
“People like what?” He asked.
“You know…” You waved your hands, trying to find the right word. “Rockstars?”
His eyebrows lifted.
“…Baby.” He chuckled, shaking his head.
“What?”
“You live with one.”
You couldn’t help but laugh.
“You’re different.” You smirked.
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
You thought about it for a second.
“I forget you’re famous.” You said, and he smiled to himself. “I just see… Noah.”
For a moment, he looked strangely touched by that. Then you sighed.
“And besides, I know Motionless are opening tonight.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve always had a tiny crush on Ricky.” You confessed with another gentle sigh.
Noah slowly turned his head towards you, staying completely silent for a moment before asking,
“Ricky?”
You nodded innocently.
“The guitar player?” He asked.
“That’s the one.”
He stared at you for another second before letting out the most dramatic sigh imaginable.
“I bring you backstage, I organise this big surprise…” He placed a hand over his heart. “…And you’re thinking about another man?!”
“I’m not thinking about another man! I said I used to have a little crush.”
“Oh.” He nodded gravely. “That’s much better.”
“It was years ago! I haven’t even listened to them since… pfft, 2018?”
He looked unconvinced.
“I don’t know…”
You nudged his arm.
“Oh, c’mon, don’t be so dramatic.”
“I’m devastated, baby." He frowned dramatically, pulling you in closer to him until you were chest to chest.
The teasing eased the heaviness that had settled on your chest, and you felt yourself breathe a little easier- which Noah clearly noticed.
“Better?”
“Yeah.” You nodded, a smile tugging at your lips.
“Good.” He nodded down the corridor. “C’mon, let’s go find our seats.”
You took a couple of steps before stopping.
“Actually...”
He turned back.
“What?”
“If you want to go and say hi to everyone… I don’t want you feeling like you can’t just because of me.”
“I wouldn’t.” He insisted
“I know.” You smiled. “But you’ve got friends here. People you probably haven’t seen in months or years.”
He looked at you carefully.
“Then what would you do?” He asked.
“I could just…” You shrugged. “…Wait in the seats?”
His eyebrows drew together.
“By yourself?”
“I don’t mind.”
“You sure?”
You nodded.
“I don’t know anyone here, not personally.” You laughed quietly. “And I'd feel a bit awkward just… standing beside you while everyone catches up. I’d feel like I’m in the way.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he stepped closer, frowning.
“You’d never be in the way, baby. They’d all be happy to meet you.”
“I know.” You shook your head.
“But?” He raised an eyebrow, and you let out a long sigh.
“I think I’d be more comfortable if you just… got to be Noah for a little bit without me. Go be a guy with the rest of the guys!”
He looked at you with a softness that almost made your heart ache.
“I appreciate you thinking about that.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “But I’m not leaving you on your own”
His thumb brushed gently across your cheek, and you shook your head.
”You’re not.” You said, “You don’t have to babysit me.”
“I’m not.”
“Then what are you doing?”
He smiled, then nodded as if to say okay…
“I’m taking my girl to her seat,” His hand found yours again. “Then, if you’re happy and settled with a drink and some snacks…” A playful smile tugged at his lips. “Then I’ll disappear for ten minutes, say hello to everyone, and come straight back.”
“…Ten minutes?” You smirked.
“I promise.”
“You won’t get caught talking?”
“I probably will, but I’ll tell them someone’s waiting for me.”
Your stomach fluttered.
“Someone special?” You teased, remembering what you had heard over the phone. And he smiled without a hint of teasing this time.
“Exactly.” He kissed your forehead, “And if I see Ricky back there, I’m telling him-”
“No, Noah!” You laughed. “You’re not telling him anything!”
“What? He deserves to know that he missed his chance.” Noah grinned.
“Oh my god...” You shook your head.
He grinned, clearly pleased with himself now. Then you let him lace his fingers through yours, and he led you further down another corridor then up some stairs, then down another corridor. You had no idea where you were being taken to, but eventually, you ran into another member of staff, who smiled the moment he recognised Noah.
“Evening, Noah.”
“Hey.”
The staff member scanned both of your passes before pushing the door open.
“Enjoy the show, man.”
“Thanks.”
You stepped through the door first, and immediately gasped.
“Wow…”
The room was beautiful. It wasn’t enormous, but there was plenty of space. In the middle of the room was a leather couch, and behind it was a table already laid out with drinks and bowls of snacks. Then you stepped over to the balcony, where there were seats that overlooked the stage.
“Is this just for us?” You asked, and Noah nodded his head, a smile tugging at his lips as he took in how amazed you were at something that felt so simple to him.
You held onto the railing as you looked over the balcony.
“No way...”
Thousands of people were slowly filling the arena below, and you couldn’t believe how close the stage was.
“Noah,” You turned to him, your eyes wide. “This is incredible.”
“I thought you’d like it.” He said simply.
“I thought we were gonna be somewhere at the back.”
He laughed.
“Not a chance… it's better here. Better view, better seats, more privacy.”
You didn't know quite how to express your gratitude, besides a simple,
“Thank you.”
He shrugged almost bashfully.
“I wanted tonight to be special.”
“It already is…” You smiled softly... then you suddenly reached for your bag. “Oh! I should get a picture for Tom!” You grinned as you pulled your phone out of your bag.
“Want me to get one of you?” He asked, and for a moment you thought about it… then you shook your head.
“No.” You grinned, “You need to be in it too.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Me?”
You nodded your head.
“Besides the dirty ones on your phone, I don't think we have any pictures together.”
He chuckled.
“Fair point.”
He wandered over, and crouched down a little as he stood beside you.
“Ready?”
“Yep.”
You lifted your phone again, stretching your arm out.
“Smile.”
“I am smiling.”
“You don’t look like it. Smile harder.”
He rolled his eyes dramatically before softening into a genuine smile.
“There… perfect!”
You grinned at the screen, taking a couple pictures, and just as you went to press the button a third time, you felt soft lips press against your cheek.
You put your phone back downa nd instantly tapped on the photo, and felt your cheeks start to burn. It looked quite romantic, his lips on your skin, your smile, his eyes closed, the lights from the arena behind you.
“Send those to me.” He said as he straightened up and gently tapped your hip. “We look cute.”
You stared at it for another second.
“Yeah…” You smiled to yourself. “We do.”
You quickly sent the picture to Noah, deciding you won’t tell Tom until after it’s over. So you slipped your phone into your bag, and when you looked back up, Noah was already watching you with that soft look on his face.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Hmm…” You narrowed your eyes, unconvinced.
But he just smiled.
“I was just wondering if you’re still okay with me disappearing for a few minutes.”
You looked around your little private box again- at the sofa, the drinks and snacks, the stage… and you smiled.
“Yeah, of course.”
“You sure?”
You nodded your head, and he gently pulled you closer.
“If at any point you want me back, just text me.”
“I will.” You smiled.
“And if Ricky somehow finds his way up here, tell him to back off.”
You burst out laughing.
“Oh my god, Noah.”
“I need to cover all possibilities, baby.” He smirked, then leaned down and kissed your forehead, his arms wrapping around you. “I won’t be long.”
“I know.”
He gave you one last squeeze before stepping back.
“I’ll make sure I’m back before the lights go down.”
“That’s okay.”
He gave you one last smile, then he turned and disappeared through the door. Then after it clicked shut behind him, you were left alone in a private box in a huge arena…
You slowly turned back towards the stage, just trying to take it all in. The crowd was growing by the minute, the seats were starting to fill out, and the sound of chattering filled the silence Noah left behind.
You smiled to yourself.
This was your life now.
A month ago, you were worrying your landlord was going to kick you out because you were behind on rent, you’d been counting tips at the end of every shift, wondering if you’d have enough left over after bills to treat yourself to takeout. And now, you were standing in a private suite at a sold out arena, with an all access pass, all because… you weren’t really sure. Was it because he liked the way you made his coffee, was it because he felt sorry for you… or was it deeper than that?
You shook your head, trying to shake the thought away, knowing Noah wouldn’t want you to think that. So instead, you put your bag down on the couch and picked up a water bottle, and waited for Noah to come back.
…
The first opener was amazing, you had never heard of them before, but you were blown away. God, you’d forgotten how much you loved the feeling of being at a show.
You found yourself nodding along, not knowing any of the words, your drink forgotten on the little table beside you as Noah silently watched you more than he watched the performance.
“You like them?”
“Yeah, they’re so good!”
“I thought you would.”
Between the songs he’d tell you little things about the bands, “They’re from Australia”, “They’ve been touring nonstop”, “I wrote with their guitarist a couple of years ago”, “I’m in a group chat with the vocalist…”
You’d look at him in awe every single time.
“You just know everyone.”
He laughed.
“It’s a small world.”
Noah teased you relentlessly while Motionless were on the stage, every time Ricky did something he’d make a comment, “Hey, did you just see what your boyfriend did?”, “Isn’t your boyfriend such a great singer?”, “Fuck, I wish I was as talented as your boyfriend.”
You rolled your eyes, nudging him with your elbow, or groaning dramatically. But he loved seeing you react, he couldn’t help but laugh.
Then eventually, the giant backdrop changed, and it’s like the stage grew bigger. Crew members walked out with more equipment and started putting things into places. You leaned over the balcony railing, watching it all happen.
Then, after a little while, the lights all went out again. The suspense made you giddy as you squeezed Noah’s hand.
“Oh my god!!” You yelped, then music began playing, and after another moment… “There they are!”
Noah looked over at you just in time to see the biggest grin spread across your face.
“Happy?”
“So happy!” You beamed.
The entire show was just unbelievable, you didn’t have a better word for it. The lights and the visuals, the crowd singing along to every word. Even from your private balcony, you could feel the energy radiating off the audience below.
You were even dancing and singing along, which made Noah smirk.
“I didn’t know you knew all the words.”
“I know enough.” You laughed.
Then, a few songs later you found yourself leaning on the railing, watching the mosh pit.
“You know, I actually saw them once before.” You said as you sat back in your seat.
“Oh yeah?”
“Mhm, a few years ago.” You said, then hesitated before adding, “With my ex.”
Noah’s expression stayed calm.
“How was it?”
You snorted.
“Well, it was going really well…” He already knew from your tone that there was a story coming. “…Until he decided jumping into the mosh pit was a brilliant idea. He got into a fight, and came back with a bloody nose because apparently somebody shoved him.”
Noah stared at you for a moment before shaking his head.
“…Fucking idiot.”
You burst out laughing.
“I know! That’s what I said.”
Noah just shook his head.
“You go to a concert where everyone’s pushing each other… then gets angry because someone pushed him?”
“That’s just the kind of person he was.” You sighed. “I remember spending most of the night worrying about him.”
Noah looked at you for a second, then he gently brushed his fingers against yours.
“I’m glad tonight’s different.”
“So am I.” You smiled.
Another song came to an end, and you caught Noah glancing towards the side of the stage, then checking the time on his phone.
“…Hey.”
“Hm?” You looked up.
“I’ve just got to disappear for a minute.”
You frowned.
“Now?”
“I’ll be right back.” He smiled reassuringly. “I promise.”
You looked at him curiously.
“…Is everything okay?” You asked.
He just nodded your head and pressed a kiss to your temple.
“Yeah. Enjoy this one.”
Then without another word, he left again. You frowned when the door shut behind him. That was weird…
Your mind immediately betrayed you. Was it because I mentioned my ex? Did I upset him? You shook your head. Don’t be ridiculous.
Still, you couldn’t help but glance towards the door every few moments. He’s taking his time, you thought. Another song finished and he still hadn’t returned.
It’s probably nothing. He might’ve just got stopped by a fan, if anyone recognised him. But your attention was brought back to the stage again when Oli stepped up to the microphone.
“Alright…” The crowd quietened. “We’ve got a little surprise tonight.”
The crowd wooo’d so loud before he even finished his sentence, and you grinned, wondering what it could be.
Then your face dropped as a figure dressed entirely in black stepped out.
Your heart stopped, and the crowd screamed so loudly, but you couldn’t hear a thing.
Because Noah just walked out on to the stage with a microphone in his hand.
You stumbled as you rose to your feet to get a better view. Oli walked over with a huge grin, throwing an arm around Noah’s shoulders before saying something into the microphone that was lost beneath twenty thousand people screaming.
He hadn’t left because he was upset. He hadn’t left because of your ex. He’d left because he was about to walk onto one of the biggest stages in the country, and didn’t even think to let you know?!
You couldn’t stop smiling. He looked so fucking good out there, and he completely blew you away with his singing and screaming… he was really good.
You didn’t feel like you were in your own body while he was performing, it all felt like a dream, until the door to the suite opened a couple of minutes later.
Noah stepped inside, slightly out of breath, a little flushed from the performance, his hair messier than before. He barely had time to smile.
“Hey, baby-”
You rushed across the room in three quick steps, and your hands caught either side of his face. Then you kissed him, hard. Full of adrenaline and excitement- you could still hear the crowd as he laughed softly into the kiss, one arm wrapping around your waist to steady you.
When you finally pulled back, you were almost breathless.
“That.” You pointed a finger at him. “…Was the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life.”
His eyebrows lifted.
“Yeah?”
“Don’t act humble, Noah.” You narrowed your eyes on him, “You walked out in front of thousands of people… and you looked like…” You searched for the words before simply giving up. “…You looked like a rock star!”
He couldn’t help but smirk.
“I am one.”
“Oh, shut up.” You shook your head, making him laugh. “Here I was thinking you left because I upset you-”
His expression softened immediately, and interrupted you.
“What?”
You paused for a moment, chewing on your lip.
“When you left, I thought maybe it was because I mentioned my ex… I thought I annoyed you.”
His face fell.
“Oh, sweetheart.” His hands found yours. “Not even for a second.”
“I know that now.”
…
There were only a few songs left, and somehow each one felt better than the last. And now, every time Oli wandered near the side of the stage, you’d grin to yourself.
“You were just down there…” You whispered to Noah halfway through another song.
“I know.”
“It’s still so crazy to me.”
“You’ll get used to it.” Noah smiled, patting your thigh. But you didn’t think you ever would.
When the final song ended, confetti cannons exploded over the crowd, and for one last time, the crowd went crazy. You found yourself clapping until your hands hurt, and as the lights slowly came back up, you turned to Noah.
“This might’ve actually been one of the best nights of my life.”
His smile softened as he stood up, offering his hand to you.
“I’m really glad.”
“Thank you.” You said after a moment, and he squeezed your fingers.
“I wanted to do something special… and after the week you’ve had, I hope it was worth it.”
“It really was.”
The two of you lingered there for another minute, watching as thousands of people slowly began filing towards the exits.
Your ears were ringing, and your heart was racing, yet you felt like you could run a marathon with the adrenaline that was coursing through you.
“So,” Noah smiled as he picked up his jacket. “You ready to head back to the hotel?”
You nodded your head.
“But I’m way too awake to go to bed anytime soon.”
He laughed.
“Yeah, I don’t think either of us are sleeping just yet.”
Still buzzing with adrenaline, you walked hand in hand, following him back through the quiet corridors, the echoes of the concert still ringing in your ears.
You left through the back, the same way you came in, and there was already a driver waiting to take you back to the hotel. And even in the back seat of the car, you were still buzzing, and you couldn’t stop talking.
“I still can’t believe you did that.”
Noah smiled to himself from beside you in the back of the cab.
“I know.”
“No, seriously.” You laughed. “I thought you were annoyed, then suddenly you’re on the stage!?”
He chuckled.
“Was I good though?”
You laughed, resting your head against the seat.
“Yes! And oh my god, you were so hot.”
He looked sideways at you over the top of his sunglasses that he slipped back on before leaving.
“Still thinking about that?”
“I can’t stop thinking about it.”
His smile widened.
“I don’t think you’ve ever kissed me like that before.”
“Can you blame me? I didn’t know you sounded like… that!”
He frowned playfully.
“…That?”
“You were screaming and growling! And doing those… those monster noises!”
He burst out laughing.
“‘Monster noises?’”
“You know what I mean!”
“Yeah, I do those.” He he chuckled.
“I had no idea!”
He couldn’t stop smiling now.
“Well, you’ve never asked.”
“I didn’t know there was anything to ask! I always thought you’d like to keep me and your work separate…”
His face softened.
“Why’d you think that?”
You shrugged, not really wanting to talk about that right now, after having such fun tonight. So you decided to change the subject.
“I was wondering, when you go on tour…”
“Yes?”
“Can I…” You hesitated. “…Can I come and see you at a show?”
“You just did.” He smirked.
“I know, but…” You smiled shyly. “I wanna see one of your own shows. I know I’ll be working most of the time, but if there’s ever one near enough-”
He reached across the seat and took your hand.
“Sweetheart.”
“Hm?”
“It’s already sorted.”
“…What?” You asked.
“You’re on the guest list, there’s a couple dates where you’re not working, so I sorted it out.”
“You already planned it?”
“I haven’t booked plane tickets or anything yet because I didn’t know if you’d want to come out and see me… but yeah.”
Your heart squeezed in your chest.
“So if you want to come” He squeezed your hand. “There’ll be tickets waiting for you.”
You stared at him.
“You really thought about all of that?”
“Of course I did.” He said like it was obvious, like there had never been another option. “I want you there.”
You smiled so hard your cheeks hurt.
“I’d love that.” You said, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
…
By the time you reached the hotel, neither of you had really come down from the adrenaline. You were still giggling in the elevator, replaying moments from the show, teasing Noah about how you’ve never heard so many women squeal the way they did when he appeared on the stage. He simply rolled his eyes, and teased you back just as much, making comments about Ricky again.
Them the elevator doors opened, and you wandered down the corridor towards your room. You waited just outside the door as Noah patted his pockets down for the key card, before holding it open for you.
And the moment the door shut behind you, you kicked your boots off with a groan.
“Why do my feet hurt so much if we were sitting for most of it?”
“Was it worth it, though?” Noah smirked.
“So worth it.”
Then you glanced down at yourself. Your leather top was sticking to your skin, the necklaces were starting to feel claustrophobic and you rubbed at your eye, completely forgetting about your makeup.
“I feel disgusting.” You groaned.
Noah chuckled as he tossed his cap onto the dresser.
“You’re still beautiful to me, baby.”
You side eyed him as if to say yeah right.
“I think I need a shower.”
“Then take a shower.”
You looked up.
“You’d be okay with that?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” He walked over, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “Go, take your time, sweetheart.”
“You don’t mind waiting?”
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.” He smiled, kissing your forehead.
You smiled back at him.
“…Okay. And when I get out,” a little cheeky smirk spread across your face, “Do you think we can test out that new toy?”
Noah smirked, sitting back on the bed.
“Of course we can.” He spread his legs out slightly.
You nodded and reached for your little wash bag before disappearing into the bathroom, already looking forward to washing away the sweat and makeup from the evening.
As the door clicked shut behind you, Noah let out a quiet breath and smiled to himself. Tonight had gone exactly the way he’d hoped… but you didn’t know he had one last surprise in store.
You showered in peace, not rushing yourself as you washed off the sweat and makeup, until you finally felt clean.
You stepped out and reached for a towel, wrapping it around yourself before turning to the sink to do your skincare. You could picture Noah on the bed already, laying back in just a pair of grey sweats or black shorts, scrolling on his phone or switching through the channels on the TV.
You were smiling to yourself, thinking about how nice the evening had been, then you pushed open the bathroom door and stepped into the bedroom.
Then you immediately stopped in your tracks.
Holy shit.
In front of you, on the bed, Noah was lying there completely naked. Well, completely naked besides the black ski mask that was pulled over his face, leaving only his eyes and mouth visible.
His tattoos were on full display across his body, standing out against the white bedding. One arm was tucked casually behind his head, looking so relaxed and confident… while his other hand held the wand vibrator you had bought this morning. He was slowly dragging the rounded head of the toy along the length of his thick, hard cock that rested against his lower stomach.
Fuck, he looked so powerful, and almost a little intimidating…
The moment he noticed you in the doorway, his eyes met yours through the mask, and a slow, predatory smirk tugged at his mouth. You felt your breath catch, you couldn’t even think straight as heat flooded between your thighs.
At first, Noah didn't move. He just kept slowly dragging the vibrating head along his cock, and down to his balls, watching you with dark, hungry eyes.
“Hi, princess,” he said, his voice low and a little teasing. “Took you long enough.”
He gave his cock another slow stroke with the toy, letting you watch it drag over every inch of him. The way he was was touching himself so casually while wearing nothing but the mask made your stomach flutter, and you swallowed hard, trying so hard to stop your head from spinning.
Noah tilted his head a little, his eyes dragging over your body.
“Drop the towel, sweet girl,” he said softly, but there was no mistaking the command in his tone. “I want to see you.”
You stood there for a second, your heart racing, your brain turning to mush- and Noah’s smirk just grew.
“C’mon, don’t get shy on me now, baby. You bought this toy for me… so I could use it on you. Come here and get on the bed.”
He spread his legs a little wider, making the view even more obscene- his hard cock, the buzzing vibrator, the mask, the tattoos, all of it on full display as he waited for you.
“I’ve been thinking about this since you handed it to me earlier, I can’t believe you went out and got this without me even having to ask…” He said, before a low groan slipped his lips. “Now get on this bed and let me show you how I reward my good girl.”
Your eyes fluttered open, quickly closing again when you were met with the glaring sun through your window. You slowly opened your eyes allowing them to adjust this time to the light that flooded your apartment. Squinting, you realised you were still on the sofa, suddenly becoming aware of something heavy draped over your waist. Noah’s arm. His hand resting on your stomach, rising and falling along with your breathing. For a brief moment, everything felt normal. Your mind had allowed you to forget what he had done, even if just for a second. Your heart felt heavy as last night replayed in your mind, on a loop, mixed in with the idea of Noah with another woman.
“Noah..” you whispered whilst poking his shoulder.
Nothing, he was still sound asleep.
“‘Noah!” You said repeated again, a little louder than intended.
Noah flinched as he woke up, jolting his head up and looking at you. You could see the confusion in his eyes as he become more aware of his surroundings, probably thinking the same as you did when you woke. His eyes fell to his arm that was still wrapped around you.
“Oh.. I- uh sorry” he managed to choke out. His eyes looked heavy and tired. You’d never seen him like this before.
Something in your stirred seeing Noah like this, he looked so defeated and the way he spoke to you, worried as if he might break you. No, he’s not doing this to me you said internally, trying to stop yourself from feeling the slightest bit sorry for the man that has hurt you so badly.
“Can we not do that? Talk to each other as if we’re strangers made of glass?”
You said as you sat up on the sofa, wrapping the blanket around your chest that was still bare from the night before. God.. the night before. You don’t know why you did that, why you let that happen, just to muddy the water even further and confuse both you. A silence followed and filled the already stifled air around you. Noah looked down at the floor, looking like he was trying to say something but he couldn't get it out.
“Last night..” you paused taking a breath and finding Noah’s eyes “last night should not have happened Noah, I don’t know why I went along with it. Nothing has changed. I’d like you to get dressed and leave”
“Leave? Sweetheart please, please can we just talk things over, I know you tried to hear me out last night at the restaurant but I didn’t get a chance to fully explain myself”
The restaurant. Where you had been with Noah last night before somehow ending up underneath him. You don’t know why you thought a restaurant would be a good place to hear him out, maybe the idea of being surrounded by strangers made you feel better. Maybe you thought it would stop you from getting so angry. It didn’t. Your mind flashed back to the minutes before you stormed out of there.
“Who was she” you asked, your voice seething with a mix of anger and jealously.
Noah’s eyes traced up from the table to meet yours. He dragged his hand over his mouth and sighed.
“Baby she was no one. I know it doesn’t mean much right now but I promise, she meant nothing” he said as he reached for your hand, though you quickly pulled away as if you were allergic to him.
“That’s not what I asked Noah. You brought me here to explain, to be honest, if you’re capable of that anymore. I want to know who she was, and if she was worth ruining everything we have spent the last 3 years building together!” your voice getting louder and louder with each word.
You hadn’t realised until you stopped speaking that the tables surrounding you had gone quiet, you felt eyes on you and your cheeks flush. Silence followed, Noah looked at you and you could see he was hurting. Good you thought.
Standing up, you picked up your glass of red wine to finish before leaving, but your hand had other ideas as you threw the contents into Noah’s face. Audible gasps filled the now silent restaurant. Tears began to fall down your face, both from being so hurt and humiliated, but you were so upset with yourself for what you had just done. You were so angry, betrayed, you felt sick every time you looked at Noah, but what did you just do? Unable to face him and everyone else around you, you picked up your bag and ran out of the restaurant.
The cold night air was nipping your cheeks that were soaked with tears. You felt your shoulders shake as you stood there in the street, passers by throwing second glances at you as you tried desperately to calm yourself down. You heard footsteps running towards you from behind, you knew they belonged to Noah. Quickly, you wiped your cheeks and hailed a passing uber. You moved as fast as your heels could carry you, not caring about the uneven sidewalk and you closed the door swiftly behind you. You gave the driver your address and asked him to go as fast as he could.
“Babe stop! Please! wait!” Noah had caught up with the uber as the car began merging into the traffic. You kept your eyes on the seat ahead, squeezing them shut when the palm of Noah’s hand met the window, thumping it. You couldn’t meet his eyes. As the car drove off, you quickly glanced in the rear window. Noah was running after the car, red wine stained his shirt - though some buttons were undone revealing his black t-shirt beneath, like he had half-heartedly tried to take off his soaked shirt in a hurry. The car continued to drive until Noah was no longer in your view.
_________________________________________________
You had gotten up from the sofa and walked through to the bedroom, purposefully avoiding the photos of you and Noah that littered the bedside tables. You went into the closet and pulled out a fresh pair of pyjamas, you knew you weren’t going out today and didn’t feel like putting real clothes on. When you walked back through the hall to the living room, Noah was up and fastening his belt closed. Once he was dressed, he took a seat back down on the sofa. You sighed and rolled your eyes, frustration bubbling in you.
“Noah I’m not going to ask you again, please can you leave. I need to be on my own” you told him whilst picking up last nights clothes from the living room floor.
Noah stood up, but instead of walking towards the door like you had hoped, he walked towards you and then knelt down on both knees. You looked down at him, your mouth falling open but too stunned for any words to come out. You looked into his eyes, really looked into them. Tears were forming at the corners, his dark brown eyes that you loved so much, were now so heavy.
“I don’t know what else to do, so I’ll beg.” Noah said as he held your hands in his, looking up at you.
“I know what I did was wrong - more than wrong, I can’t find the words to explain how badly I messed up.” His voice wavered as he paused to compose himself. “Sweetheart, I know there is no excuse, I hurt you, I hurt us, I made a horrible mistake and not a second goes by that I don’t wish I could go back in time and change things, stop myself being such a selfish asshole, but it's too late for that. I’m begging you, please, please let me make this up to you. I love you, I love us, I love our life. I promise I will never let you down again. I am so, so sorry.” Tears were now slipping down Noah’s face.
In the 3 years you spent with Noah, you had only seen him once cry twice before now, the first time was early into your relationship when you forced him to watch Titanic and he swore that he wouldn’t cry, but you caught him using the sleeve of his hoodie to dab his eyes towards the end. The second time was during your recent trip to Japan, a city that meant so much to him and he was so happy to share it with you. On the last day of your holiday, he had surprised you with a trip to the cherry blossom trees as the sun was setting. You both sat on a bench for hours, watching the sunset over the blossoms and talking about life. You caught Noah staring at you out of the corner of your eye, when you faced him, he was smiling but his eyes were ever so slightly glassy.
“I’m just so happy to be here with you” he said whilst squeezing your hand.
Your head snapped back to now, to Noah on his knees in front of you. You struggled to comprehend that the soft, kind, and gentle Noah was the same man that was capable of cheating on you, of sleeping with another woman. You didn’t know it was physically possible for your heart to ache as much as it did right now. Your head was spinning and you had too much to think about right now.
“Noah please” you said through a sob, your right hand cupped his face “Please don’t make this harder. I need space, I need some time to think, ok?”
Noah held your hand and brought it to his lips, he pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. Then, he stood up, and he walked towards the door, turning on his heels slightly as if he was about to say something else, but he turning back around and walked out of the apartment, closing the door gently behind him. You held both hands over your face, no longer trying to hold back crying now that you were finally alone to let it all out.
You felt so confused, you loved Noah. More than you have ever loved anyone, but you always told yourself that cheating was one thing you would never tolerate in a relationship, no matter the situation. You had watched your mum go through hell when you were a child each time your dad was “working late” or “out of town for a conference”. Your mum became a shell of who she was. You watched her go from a confident and happy woman, to an anxious, introverted housewife who was constantly on edge. She tried to keep things together for you whilst you were young, but you knew what was happening and you swore then that you would never let a man do the same thing to you.
You spent the rest of your afternoon on the sofa in your pyjamas watching, or rather, staring at the TV. About 3 bags of popcorn and a litre of full fat coke later, you checked your phone.
8:32pm
You sighed, feeling bored and restless all of a sudden.
I’m going out.
You made your way to the closet and got dressed, for some reason, you decided to wear one of Noah’s favourite dresses. A black midi dress that he bought you whilst touring somewhere in Europe. You spent 15 minutes applying a small amount of make up, just enough to try to hide your bloodshot eyes and dark circles, ran a brush through your hair and before you knew it you were standing outside of a bar.
“Hi” you gave the bartender a half smile “Uh please can I have… a French martini” and the bartender nodded.
You looked around your shoulder, hearing a lively group of friends that had clearly been here a long time. A couple that looked around the same age as you were cuddled in the booth in the corner. You hadn’t been to this bar before but you needed a change of scene, somewhere new that wasn’t going to be tainted by reminders of nights out with Noah.
“Here you go.”
“Thank you” you smiled bringing the glass to your mouth.
“You alright?” The tall brunette asked you as you continued swigging your cocktail far too fast. ” It’s just, you look like you’ve been crying”
You huffed and laughed “Yeah, actually I have. My boyfriend cheated on me and I feel like I’ve wasted the last 3 years of my life”
You didn’t know why you were sitting here getting drunk and sharing your misery with a stranger, but she felt nice, warm and friendly, the type of person you feel like you’ve known forever. Besides, you were certain that she has heard worse.
“Ouch, I’m sorry. We’ve all been there. I try stick to no strings attached now.” she said, tucking a loose piece of dark brown hair behind her ear.
“Have you? Has every woman? I don’t know how to feel. One minute I’m angry, then I’m devastated, then all I want to do is call him and tell him to come home. I miss him.”
You continued to overshare with who you now knew as Anna. You both shared stories about college and your shit dating history and it genuinely felt like you had known her forever. You pulled out your phone to check the time.
10:45pm
Just as you went to slide your phone back into your bag, your screen lit up.
Noah: Sorry, just checking in, you still have your location on. Are you ok? Do you need a ride home? It’s pretty late.
You rolled your eyes and before replying, quickly turned off your location sharing with Noah.
You: I’m fine, just letting my hair down. I’ll get an uber.
Another hour passed and everything was blurry. You weren’t sure what pushed you from comfortable drunk, to oh no I can’t stand drunk. It might have been the further 6 cocktails, or the 2 rounds of shots that you shared with a random group of people at the bar. You tried to stand up but your legs did not want to cooperate. You fell back down onto the bar stool and slumped your head onto your arms that were leaning on the bar.
“Hey, do you want me to call someone for you?” Anna asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
“No, thanks, I’ll -“ hiccup “I’ll call my boyfriend”
The words slipped from your mouth before you could stop them. Unlocking your phone and waiting a second for your very drunk eyes to adjust to the screen, you searched for Noah’s message.
You: Hi
You: Hi Noah, can I get that ride now, please?
You: A car ride home, I don't want to ride you, anymore
What? Why did I say that? You thought, but actually said out loud.
Your phone starts to buzz in your hand.
Incoming call - Noah
It takes you a few attempts at sliding your finger across your screen to answer the call.
“Babe, where are you? Are you ok? Are you still at that bar?”
“Woooooah woah what’s with all the questions” you slurred.
“Babe just tell me the name of the bar and I’ll be there as soon as I can, I’m walking to the car now”
“It’s… it’s called uhhhh.” You held the phone away from your ear and used your other hand to cover the microphone. “Anna, where are we?”
“Sunset and Vinyl” Anna shouted over the music which now seemed a lot louder.
“Did you hear that Noah? Sunset and Vinyl..”
Noah was quiet on the other end of the line but you could still hear him breathing.
“Hellooooooooo, did you hear me? Can you pick me up?” You say impatiently into the phone.
“Yeah, stay there, I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 20.”
You heard the call end and turned back to face Anna. It must be the alcohol, but you only just realised how beautiful Anna was. Her long dark hair framed her face perfectly as her long bangs swept the sides of her green eyes. Freckles dotted around her nose, a matching gold nose and septum ring. Anna walked around the bar to help you up. Her legs were practically up to your shoulders. You looked up at her.
“Who would cheat on you?! Men are so stupid.”
“Oh, aren’t they just. Come on, I’ll help you out” Anna laughed and looped her arm around yours as you lent on her for support, swaying as you made your way to the front door.
You reached the sidewalk with the help of Anna and she stayed with you for a moment before you recognised Noah’s black SUV pull up outside the bar. Noah quickly jumped out and ran over to you.
“Hey, baby, are you ok?”
“Anna, this is him, this is the cheater!”
You said pointing at Noah before poking him in the chest and falling onto him. There was an uncomfortable silence. You looked up through your now half asleep drunken eyes at Noah, then towards Anna. Noah’s face paled and Anna looked like she was going to be sick. Your eyes darted to Noah again, and back to Anna and back between them once more.
“Do you know each other? Have you been here before Noah? Anna makes the best French Martinis”
More silence followed. Suddenly as if someone flicked a switch inside your head, your eyes widened, suddenly feeling sober all of a sudden, and certainly more brave.
“Come on, I'll take you home” Noah wrapped his jacket around your shoulders and started ushering you towards his car. You rooted your feet into the ground and turned back to look at Anna.
“Wait, Noah, were you here that night? After tour when you went to a new bar, was it this one? You said it was somewhere you hadn’t been before and I-“ hiccup. “I haven’t been here before tonight.”
“Sweetheart we can talk about this later, let’s go, you’re freezing”
“It was me” Anna’s voice pierced through the night air out of no where. You turned on your heels to face her.
“It was me, you said your boyfriend cheated? If he is your boyfriend, then it was me he slept with a few weeks back”
Your vision tunnelled as if you were going to pass out. You wobbled as your drunk legs turned into jelly and you felt sick, suddenly aware of the alcohol now churning in your stomach.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know he had a girlfriend, he didn’t tell me about you. I swear I wouldn't hav”
“I’m SO sick of everyone being SORRY!” You cut in, feeling immediately guilty. Anna looked down at her feet before glaring at Noah quickly and tried to avoid eye contact with you. You knew even in your drunken haze that if what Anna was saying was true, it wasn't her fault, but Noah on the other hand… you turned again to face him.
“You just couldn’t help yourself! Finish tour, relax, have some drinks and the first pretty, leggy girl you see you walk home and fuck! Less than 30 minutes away from my apartment! Fuck you” You shoved Noah's shoulders which caused you to stumble backward a little.
Again, you felt guilt rising at the way you spoke about Anna . You caught her eyes and grimaced at her as if to say “sorry”.
Noah didn’t say anything, his chest rose as he inhaled deeply while he tried his best to avoid looking at Anna again.
“I need to head back in to lock up.. uh, I, I really am sorry. You know where I am if you ever want to talk or ask me anything. I know that it doesn’t make it any better, but It really was just a one night thing” and with that she turned around and walked into the bar, the faint noise of music washing through the air before the door closed, leaving you once again standing on the street trying to get away from Noah for the second time this week. You started to walk in the opposite direction but Noah grabbed your wrist firmly.
“Regardless of how things are right now, or how much you hate me, I’m not letting you walk home or get an uber in this state. Get in the car.”
He wasn’t asking.
“Noah I’m not yours to worry about anymor- hey!” Noah’s arms wrapped around your waist, hoisting you up over his shoulder and tightening his grip as he walked you to the passenger door.
“Noah put me DOWN!”
You shouted whilst also trying hard to fight the urge to bring up all of those French Martinis as you bounced over Noah’s shoulder. You kicked your feet and thumped his back with your fists but there was no point. Worried you really were going to be sick, you gave in and surrendered, at least you’d get a ride home.
The first 5 minutes of car ride were spent in silence. No radio, no music, just the quiet hum of the car engine as Noah drove through the city.
You lifted your head up from leaning on the passenger window.
“Was she better than me?” You almost whispered.
For the first time during the drive Noah’s eyes looked over to you briefly before returning to the road.
“Do you really want to talk about this now?” Noah asked.
“Answer the question, Noah” “please” you added. Unsure if you even wanted to know the answer.
“It meant nothing. I felt nothing for her and I felt sick as soon as I left. I don’t know if that’s what you want to hear or not.”
You slowly nodded your head in acknowledgment.
“How did it happen? What did you do?” You closed your eyes, trying to mentally prepare yourself for whatever Noah was about to say.
Noah’s hand gripped the steering wheel tighter as he slowed at a red light.
“It was near closing time, some guy was giving her a hard time at the bar about not serving him another drink. I, I uh went up to help because she looked uncomfortable.” Noah paused, accelerating and continued driving, looking ahead, the city lights reflecting in his eyes.
“I know it’s not an excuse, but I had more to drink than I usually do, just finishing up tour, I was overwhelmed and tired and got carried away. Anyway she was clearing our table and accidentally lost her footing and fell onto my lap briefly and we kind of got chatting. When we all went to leave the bar, I noticed the same guy hanging around the exit. I don’t know if this is better or worse but, I thought of you, in her situation, alone after having to deal with a creep like that at work. Her uber cancelled on her last minute so.. I offered to walk her home.”
You rested your head on the seat and looked out of the window again, really focusing hard not to vomit from the alcohol and also listening to your boyfriend tell you how he cheated on you.
“I walked her home, it was 10 minutes or so. When we got to hers, she thanked me and asked my if I’d like to go in for a nightcap”
You scoffed looking over at him rolling your eyes “A nightcap? It was that easy? Who are you? Brad Pitt? Why did you say yes? I thought that shit only happened in the movies”
“I checked the time and figured another drink wouldn’t hurt.. I know, I know. But I promise you I did not go into her house with the intention of sleeping with her.”
“But you did, so? Go on, how did it happen?”
“Babe.. I’m not going to go into detail”
“Why not? I’m asking you, I want you to be honest with me.”
You caught sight of Noah’s jaw tightening under the now faint glow of the streetlights.
“She kissed me. And I, I didn’t stop her. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t stop her. One thing led to another, and w- fuck, we had sex”
You already knew what had happened, but hearing Noah say it was like a hard punch to the gut, leaving you feeling like you couldn’t breathe. Your fingers searched frantically for the button to roll down the car window for some air. You had one hand in your chest trying to regulate your breathing.
In through your nose, and out through your mouth.
The phrase your mum always used to say to you when you were having a panic attack. Noah seemed to notice this and without hesitation he pulled over. He switched the car off and unbuckled his belt, both his hands finding your face.
“Hey, hey.. in through your nose, and out through your mouth” he said whilst demonstrating, concern in his eyes knowing what was happening to you. That was enough, you had heard enough, you couldn't talk about it anymore. You sobbed whilst trying settle your breathing.
“Just drive me home Noah. I’m tired.”
Noah carried you into your apartment. He sat you on the side of the bed and gently removed your heels. He lifted your arms up and pulled your dress over your head.
“I love this dress, I remember seeing it in a little boutique in one of the shopping arcades in Milan and immediately pictured it on you.”
He folded the dress and sat it at the end of the bed. Slowly, he lay you down onto the mattress and lifted the duvet over you. Starting from your feet, he tucked the duvet under you. Like he had done some many times before whenever you felt anxious, it made you feel protected, safe and secure. You closed your eyes and let out a breathy sigh.
“I’m not leaving you alone tonight in case you’re sick. I’ll sleep on the chair” he pointed to the armchair that sat beside the closet.
You were too tired to argue, and part of you, though you wish you didn’t, felt safe knowing Noah was just there if you needed him. You felt your eyes grow heavier.
“I hate you” you mumbled into your pillow. The last thing you remember before drifting off is Noah gently brushing a stray piece of hair away from your face as he whispered "I love you".
You woke up to find Noah rifling through his bedside drawer - he hadn’t noticed that you were now watching him. Noah ran his fingers through his hair, looking a little defeated, then his hand flew to something in the drawer. You watched through sleep filled eyes as he held a small turquoise box in his hands. Is that.. is that what you think it is? Noah opened the box before just as quickly, but quietly, closing it and slid it into his back pocket. He looked over to you, his eyes widening slightly as he realised you were awake and watching him.
“What was that?” You asked him as you propped yourself up onto your elbows, using one hand to rub your eyes just to make sure you were definitely awake.
“Nothing, it was nothing. I didn’t realise you were awake. How’re you feeling? How’s your head?” Obviously trying to move the conversation on.
“Noah, what was that?” Asking again, this time now sitting up on your knees.
Noah looked down “You weren’t supposed to see that. I didn’t want you to randomly come across this when you start clearing out my things again.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the small box. Your heart was thumping as Noah toyed with the box for a second in his hands, before planting it on the bed and motioning for you to take it.
“If that’s what I think it is Noah, if that’s a ring, I don’t- I can’t, I can’t take it” you stuttered out, feeling hot and flustered all of a sudden.
“I know, I’m not expecting you to. I just, like I say I didn’t want you to randomly find it. I thought I could take it with me and maybe give it to you properly one day like I had planned to”
“Before you had sex with another woman?” You retorted.
Noah’s bit down on his bottom lip and ran his fingers through his hair. For a second, the temptation got the better of you as you reached your hand out to pick up the box - but you stopped yourself. What good would it do to see what’s inside? Nothing has changed for you. You weren’t taking Noah back. You played with your fingers nervously before bringing your head up to meet Noah’s stare.
“Thank you for the ride home, and thank you for watching me through the night. I’m sorry I called you, I shouldn’t have. It won’t happen again.” Noah nodded his head slowly.
This couldn’t go on, no more back and forth, you had to do this now.
“Noah, yo- you are, and always will be the person I have loved more than anyone else in this world. I want you to know that and I want you to know that I will always hold a part of you close to me. The last 3 years have been the happiest of my life and I want to thank you for everything you have shared with me, the opportunities, the support, for letting me travel with you, and for showing me what it’s like to love fully.”
Your voice was breaking. You forced yourself to look at Noah, biting your cheek trying to stop your emotions from fully taking over. Noah’s eyes were glassy as he looked down at his hands.
“But I can’t move past this. I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done. I know you’re sorry, I know it was a mistake, and I know you love me, but even that wasn’t enough to stop you going to bed with someone else while I waited for you coming home. Even if in time we were able to work through this, I know myself and I know I won’t be able to sleep at night if you’re ever out late again, when you’re on tour on the other side of the world. I can’t do that to myself, I can’t let you do that to me”
You inhaled deeply through your mouth, your nose blocked from crying.
“It’s over Noah. We’re done.”
And it was out, it was done, you had said it. Without thinking you reached over to grab Noah’s hand in yours, holding it tightly. You were both crying now.
“Baby- i uh, fuck” was all Noah managed to say.
Your hand reached his face, his beautiful face that now looked so tired as if he hadn't slept in weeks. Gently running your fingers over his damp cheeks. Your eyes met.
“I will always love you.” He said, whilst tightening his grip on your hand.
“I respect your decision, I am so sorry for hurting you. I know you deserve someone better”
The last sentence hit you like a train. You haven’t even considered the idea of meeting someone else in the future. In your mind, this was it, you had to get used to the idea of being single forever because even right now, you knew that it was Noah, or no one.
“Please look after yourself, Noah”
You stood up and tugged Noah’s hand so he did the same. Your hand reached for the turquoise box and placed it into Noah’s hand.
“Take this. I’ll pack up the rest of your things and, uh, I’ll call your assistant to pick them up? Or mail them to you?”
“This isn’t how I pictured it in my head” Noah sighed with a hint of a laugh as he held up the box in the air.
“No, me either. But sometimes life has other plans for us” you said managing a soft smile.
And then you hugged him. Noah’s arms wrapped around you, his hand finding the back of your head, tangling his fingers in your hair. You inhaled deeply, making the most of this feeling and the smell of his woody shampoo that you loved so much. You pulled away first, taking a step back. You picked up Noah’s jacket and held it out to him.
6 months had passed since the day you said goodbye to Noah and you hadn’t spoken to him since. His assistant collected the rest of his things a few days later. He still occasionally texted you, usually late at night or early in the morning when you knew he was either having trouble sleeping or at the studio. Just telling you about his day, what he had for dinner if it was your favourite, and sometimes saying that he missed you, but you didn’t respond. You missed Noah everyday, but it was slowly getting easier to live without him. You would be lying if you said you hadn’t scrolled through the bands socials occasionally while listening to their albums after one to many glasses of wine in your apartment.
You had just gotten out of the shower, ringing your hair out in a towel when there was a knock at your door. Throwing on your bathrobe you answered the door and were greeted by your usual FedEx driver, holding up a package for you. You don’t remember ordering anything, but then again you have been drinking a lot of wine. You asked how his day was going and signed for the delivery. Thanking him, you closed the door and sat down at your kitchen table and began to open the package. Your hands froze as you looked at the dainty turquoise box in front of you. The one that Noah had kept in his bedside drawer, for how long you don’t know, the one you asked Noah to take with him 6 months ago. A small envelope fell out of the package and landed on the table, you took a deep breath and opened it.
“My love,
I hope you are well, I hope you’re safe and you’re happy. I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable if I asked to meet with you in person, but there are things I need to say to you that I didn’t 6 months ago.
I didn’t get to thank you. When I met you it’s no secret that my head was a mess. I was stuck in a routine of self-destructive behaviour and hurt a lot of people around me. I didn’t know then, that it was possible to enjoy life as much as I enjoyed it when I was with you. I’ve started therapy.. I know, I know! “At last” you’re probably thinking. I’m just sorry I didn’t do it sooner, you were right, you always are. You taught me so much about myself, how to be vulnerable, how to love and how to be loved and I will always be grateful for that. I hope you can also look back happily on the memories we share together, some days they're all that keeps me going.”
Your hands were shaking as you wiped your eyes and then went back to the letter.
“This ring, it belongs with you. It was made for you, and it doesn’t feel right being anywhere else. Please do what you want with it, keep it, sell it, use it to go on holiday or get the car you’ve always wanted. It is yours and it always has been.
Thank you for being my muse, the light in the dark, my best friend, and the greatest love of my life.
I will always be here for you, for anything, anytime, if you ever need me.
Always yours,
Noah.”
Tears stained the letter you were gripping in your hand. You faced the ceiling as you tried to slow your erratic heartbeat. You looked down at the box, carefully holding it in your hands for the first time. Exhaling loudly through pursed lips, you opened the box and your mouth fell open. In front of you in the small box was the most beautiful diamond ring you had ever seen. It looked like it was custom made, a large emerald cut diamond in the centre, and alternating black and white diamonds lined the band. Although you felt afraid to touch it as though it was cursed, you couldn’t help yourself. Carefully you lifted the ring out of its velvet box and held it closer in front of you, the sunlight from the window making it sparkle more. Something on the inner band caught your eye, small writing. You held it close to your eyes and read the inscription.
“In Every Lifetime”
In every lifetime.. Your heart thumped in your chest as you felt all your blood rush to your head, overwhelmed with everything as your mind replayed a memory.
“Y’know…” Noah said as he pulled you in closer, tightening his grip on your waist as you rested your head on his shoulder, looking up at him. “I’m not sure what happens when we die.. but if we are lucky enough to have multiple lives, I hope I am here with you, in every lifetime.”
You held your hand over your mouth stifling your sobs. A sudden wave of anger and immense sadness washed over you at once.
“No” you said firmly, standing up. “He doesn’t get to do this, not after 6 months, not after everything” talking to no one but yourself. You grabbed the letter and put the ring back in its box, walking through to your bedroom you opened the drawer at your bedside, seeing the one photo of you and Noah that you just couldn't throw away and something in you softened again. God this is so confusing you thought. You grabbed your phone from the table and searched for his name.
You: How dare you sen- *delete*
You: Noah, you can’t just write something like that and send me a ring in the mai- *delete*
Biting hard on your bottom lip, you contemplated what to say. Until, three little dots appeared on your screen. Noah was typing. You hesitated for a split second, but before you could stop yourself, you tapped on his contact information and your finger pressed the button.
Block Caller
It was done, you had to move on, Noah had to let you. Taking one last look at the photo, you threw the letter and the box in the drawer and slammed it shut.
