i feel like whenever sasori and deidara fight, sasori is the first to immediately disengage and distance himself. sometimes, if he puts his foot down hard enough, he can rein in deidara’s dissatisfaction and need for attention, aborting his tantrums before they turn into a fully fledged war. sometimes, he’ll barely dignify deidara with detached and noncommittal replies, fueling his fits to the point deidara’s chasing him around the house and screaming, cornering him until sasori turns around and strikes deidara with the most vicious, carefully crafted jab or accusation, completely shocking deidara into silence. sasori feels a momentaneous sick sense of satisfaction at the fragility of his wrath, the way deidara crumbles when he's faced with the harsh truth. deidara never sees it coming; he never has time to brace himself against the devastation and anger sasori’s words provoke. sasori just accumulates discontentment in silence, his irritation visible but despite deidara's prodding and pleading, never elaborating on it; shuts deidara out and stonewalls him until he drops it. so when his anger gets the best of him, and he whips around sharp with cruel words, they're both surprised.
the worst part is that he means it, means everything he says, deidara knows. it’s just that usually he’s able to deescalate the conflict and disengage from deidara’s tantrums and childish taunting before it gets to that. deidara doesn’t know what he hates more: being ignored, or being deliberately shattered by sasori’s purposeful words. he’s a hypocrite like that: he cannot stand sasori not taking him seriously, not heeding his feelings, refusing to communicate with him and hoping deidara will just get the hint and get over it, deal with it alone and quit trying to goad sasori into opening up to him; instead, deidara provokes sasori until he inevitably loses his composure and filter, poking the scorpion every time until he inevitably gets stung, and then cries about it. it's an old song and dance: if deidara could be less immature, he’d stop antagonizing sasori; if sasori could be less selfish, he’d listen to deidara and validate his feelings. but as their ego and limitations will it, fights between them usually end with deidara furiously sobbing on the bed, and sasori seething in another room. usually, one of them inevitably yields first, and tries to make amends: if deidara manages to calm down, he’ll go to sasori and apologize, both aware he’ll strike the match again and again; sasori will accept and the hatchet will be formally buried, even if sasori will continue to give him the cold shoulder for a couple of days. he's not a forgiving person, and his anger takes a toll on him too. if sasori miraculously boils over his venomous anger first, he’ll go to their room and tiredly try to soothe deidara’s anguish, shush him with quiet apologies he halfheartedly means.
because even if sasori’s anger is more stubborn, quiet and insistent, deidara’s emotions are like a nuclear bomb, burning bright and destroying everything in their wake in a brief flash, and once that lid is blown off, deidara himself doesn’t know how to handle them. sasori doesn't know how deidara lives feeling everything with such vicious intensity: doesn't understand why he sets himself up for failure every time, knowing sasori will break his heart yet still challenging him to a fight he cannot win: sasori is shielded by an impenetrable armour of detachment and indifference, his skin is hardened by grief and loss. deidara is all exposed nerves and bruised ego, his skin too soft and tempting. sasori can't wrap his head around the fact that after all this time, deidara still hasn't understood just how disadvantaged and powerless he is, running into everything unarmed and vulnerable. it's tragic and ugly, deidara sobbing with childish abandon, his anger so jagged and sharp it hurts him more than it hurts sasori. he struggles against sasori when he comes to calm him down hours later, eventually settling, strained and exhausted. has to rebuild himself up each time anew, his compulsive need for sasori never waning.
they’re fundamentally incompatible, sasori is too guarded and deidara is too desperate; yet their determination to always come back to each other is what makes them unfit to be with anyone but the other. there’s a fundamental sadomasochism that permeates every aspect of their relationship, and despite its toxicity, it couldn’t be any other way for either of them. so sasori stays, even when deidara’s screaming, and crying, and hurting sasori and himself, picking fights in a desperate attempt to get sasori to show him he cares and needs deidara as much as deidara needs him. so deidara lets sasori hold him, even when sasori is cold, even when sasori ignores him, treats him like a child, unwilling to change for him but willing to tear into him without restraint.
origamiaround
blakekathryn
janainaart
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
