new girl: season 1 ; sentence starters
❝ did you just make up a theme song for yourself? ❞
❝ it made no difference to me, i just wanted to set her trashcans on fire. ❞
❝ you think i’m sexy right? ❞
❝ it’s astronomy day and i’m dressing up as galileo so i have to put on my beard. ❞
❝ i thought pawnshops were about helping people and frankly i feel taken advantage of. ❞
❝ he looks like he juggles clubs on the beach. ❞
❝ the only way i could fit in this dress was by wearing little girls bicycle shorts underneath. ❞
❝ she used to get drunk and pass out on our porch it was like having a hot alcoholic cat. ❞
❝ i need you to put vodka in a water bottle and rendezvous with me in the bathroom. ❞
❝ it was weird when i was stuck in a freak sandwich between you and that eight year old. ❞
❝ i took my feelings out… with dance. ❞
❝ i know word and i can open a document. ❞
❝ locker rooms, swimming pools, penis fights, it just happens. ❞
❝ sorry officer, i cant help you, because, no, i haven’t seen his penis. ❞
❝ and then, boom, he’s buried in an unmarked grave. ❞
❝ c’mon i dance naked all the time! ❞
❝ a bear might fall on our trampoline. we don’t need to have it figured out right now. ❞
❝ who are you miss pajama? ❞
❝ i mean, he seemed like a really nice european dj with a face tattoo. ❞
❝ no i dont dance. im from the town in footloose. ❞
❝ okay, no matter how many emails you send, that is not a thing. ❞
❝ that’s a great idea. be the girl who replaces his dead nana. ❞
❝ you get all mean and you make that little turtle face. ❞
❝ anyone who tells you the future of gravy is nitrogen based is cooking with blinders on. ❞
❝ i’m sorry, are you singing about what we’re doing? ❞
❝ he’s weird about cooking. did you touch his whisk? ❞
❝ when i was on that elevator ride from hell, the coroner told me to stop crying like a little girl and i told him that was sexist. ❞
❝ this is just like a nightmare i had where you brought over teenagers with bells. ❞
❝ jingle bells is a trash song. played on a trash instrument. ❞
❝ the plastic soda bottle is right where its supposed to be. back in the wall hole. ❞
❝ two things women love: alternative percussion players and role models. ❞
❝ my bar mitzvah was an amazing event! the theme was sports jams! ❞
❝ i have fifteen minutes. teach me how to be good at sex. ❞
❝ apparently i’m hooking up with the right girls because they don’t choke me. ❞
❝ i don’t wanna get a haircut, it’s too intimate. ❞
❝ looking forward to years of therapy over dirty santa. ❞
❝ apparently my business isn’t as important as frankie muniz’s. ❞
❝ we’re bro-nemies. he’s my friemesis. ❞
❝ last month he went to a party called bros before hoes on the moon. the dress code was yacht flare. ❞
❝ i’ve got no girls on the horizon. in a hot way. ❞
❝ tanya has half a pot cookie so maybe she’ll share if you’re lucky. ❞
❝ when i work out, which isn’t often, i listen to huey lewis, it pumps me up. ❞
❝ i don’t think dinosaurs ever existed. i’ve seen the science and i don’t believe it. ❞
❝ i have these issue— these anger management issues. i go to all these class— they’re court ordered classes. for it. ❞
❝ can you please not tell anyone i did that? actually, i don’t care what people think. do you think i care too much what people think? ❞
❝ i’m good at being that guy you find yourself spending more and more time with before you meet your husband. ❞
❝ i’ve had to start carrying athletic shoes in my purse because i have to sprint from one sexual encounter to another. ❞
❝ i have come here to listen to you. should i have interrupted you to tell you that? probably not. ❞
❝ my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch! ❞
❝ when people talk about breakfast being the most important meal of the day i’m like… whaaaat? what about lunch? ❞
❝ and then i drove to mexico and i tried to enter a cock fight. as a person. ❞
❝ i wasn’t gonna tell you until after you got knocked up and were stuck with me. ❞
❝ i helped him get back together with his ex girlfriend, he made me video chat with his mom in hawaii, and then i went home. ❞
❝ is this one of those fortune telling cactuses? ❞
❝ what kind of crazy person destroys a child’s robot? ❞
❝ i feel great and i’m ready to rock but i really don’t wanna be alone. ❞
❝ my funeral is my time to shine! ❞
❝ this thing makes me emotionally nauseous. ❞
❝ are you sleeping in dress pants? ❞
❝ i’m gonna throw my phone into the fiery chasm where he keeps his poor people. ❞
❝ i wasn’t raised with money so when something broke we pretended it still worked. ❞
❝ i don’t know how to drive cars that work. ❞
❝ makes me wanna sit by the fire and talk about how annoying ghandi is. ❞
❝ she accidentally ate a cookie because she fell on it. ❞
❝ but i mean, can we just take a moment to celebrate me? ❞
❝ was it that stuck up bitch from last night with the fake hand? ❞
❝ i need you to teach me to be a douchebag. ❞
❝ now go away because i’m having cereal. ❞
❝ puns are creepy and they freak me out and you know that. ❞
❝ now i hate me as much as i’ve always hated you. ❞
❝ i don’t trust what cool means to you so just be normal. ❞
❝ those are my friends and that wasn’t even the first stabbing this month. ❞
❝ i was the bomb diggity as a baby. ❞
❝ i wanna rub my face on his face. ❞
❝ if you were a woman, or even dressed as a woman, we’d be unstoppable. ❞
❝ i might as well call you bridge to terabithia because you make children cry. ❞
❝ i got tomatoes and i’m betting on me. ❞
❝ don’t tap dance at dinner. ❞
❝ this the ass of a failure! ❞
❝ if you hurt her, i will let myself die and then i will haunt you. ❞
❝ i’m sorry i made you feel like monica lewinsky. ❞
❝ shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch. ❞
❝ for someone with a soulmate you sure did have sex with me. ❞
❝ i hope you like feminist rants cause that’s kinda my thing. ❞
❝ am i supposed to want to buy a missile? ❞
❝ i took my fair share of rubber bands so i don’t wanna hear about it. ❞
❝ there’s a corpse in your room? ❞
❝ i rode up in the elevator with that guy and something growled in that box. ❞
❝ the tow truck can’t come until tomorrow; aren’t you glad i stole all this beer? ❞
❝ you don’t do the roadrunner to a coyote! ❞
❝ you slept with me! that doesn’t say much about your taste in men. ❞
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