*if you could reblog and share your story, that'll be amazing*
i think my insecurities about my weight started maybe in middle school. i started to notice how much smaller everyone else was. i never worried about it to much, but it was always in the back of my head
my 8th grade year, i was dating this guy, he came up behind me and said "i love a girl with love handles" i didnt know what that meant, so i googled it and was upset by what i saw. after i started paying attention to my muffin top, i started noticing the fat all over my body. but i didnt know what to do about it. my household was poor, we could afford good food, and my mom got so offended when i didnt eat what she cooked and i had no means of working out. what was i supposed to do.
the summer before my sophomore year, i moved to my dad's house. i had more control over what i ate, so i didn't eat. but my dad and step mom noticed and began making my food for me. when school started, i avoided eating lunch and i started noticing a slight difference. then, my step mom came up to the school to pay my lunch fee and she found out i wasn't eating, she asked the teachers to make sure i did.
i began hating myself more. i started jogging and going on walks. doing little exercises in my room. i tried to find clothes that make me look thinner.
i went to California the summer before my junior year, i would go one day without eating, than eat "normally" the next day, it was like that for a week, which make me feel a little better. when i got home (and before my trip) i would count my calories. i would spread my food over my plate to make it look like i got more food. when we went out to eat, id get the lowest calorie option.
when junior year started, i just gave up. i stopped counting and just never ate. id get one of those containers of cereal you get at school and munch on that until lunch time, and depending on what we had for lunch, id eat half of that, that way i could eat dinner.
and now im here. the summer before my senior year. i will eat before work and after work. i feel like sometimes i can eat a little more because my job is a lot of walking and lifting and i burn more that way. i have a watch that tells me how many calories i burn and how many steps i take in a day.
ive lost 10lbs in a couple weeks. it isnt that much, but it's something.
im not promoting ana. i hate the fact that i even got to this point. but i cant stop. im alright, tho, i promise
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