a soft sound to the way she wears her hair down,

I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

[devina-altman]

And the day just keeps getting better.

[selineroth-old-blog]

Drinks and then?

C’mon, D, this isn’t you. This isn’t what you do or who you are. And you can’t keep going back to this every time you have a bad week. You’re better than this.

[devina-altman]

I'm not better. I'm not better than anything or... Or anyone, Seline. I've just returned and things are already screwed because.. Well.. 

Drinks and then some.. Snow. Oh God, my head.

[scubastevewrites-deactivated202]

Well what an interesting past twenty four hours..

[scubastevewrites-deactivated202]

I’m just pointing it out.. by the way, you’re welcome for the smoke.

[devina-altman]

Thanks.

Sorry. I don't feel really good. At all. 

I'm Devina.

[devina-altman]

And the day just keeps getting better.

[selineroth-old-blog]

Devina…what did you do? More so, what did you take?

[devina-altman]

Nothing. I'm fine.

It wasn't a good week. I don't care and I am done. I may have had some.. Drinks and then.

[scubastevewrites-deactivated202]

Well what an interesting past twenty four hours..

[scubastevewrites-deactivated202]

Aye, don’t take this the wrong way but you look like shit..

[devina-altman]

Nice to know. 

I don't care. Why should you?

[scubastevewrites-deactivated202]

Well what an interesting past twenty four hours..

[devina-altman]

Be a good person and give me a smoke.

[devina-altman]

And the day just keeps getting better.

[selineroth-old-blog]

…Devina?

[devina-altman]

Seline. Why so scared, Sel? I am soooo over myself.

[devina-altman]

self para :: half a day and then my love is faked

She let her body rest by the couch, heavy and dazzled while she laid her head down. At two am, her mind needed a distraction, but the sin she'd just committed had rip her to shreds. Devina turned the lamp by her side off, closing her eyes just for a second to lie to herself, to maybe pretend like nothing was real and nothing had happened. But her heart undeniably thudded, skipping heartbeats in the middle of the night. She was far too helpless to move, but still, the brunette managed to get herself up by holding onto whatever she could. Pillows, chairs, tables, anything. 

Upon entering the kitchen, her dry throat pledged for water, although she was tempted to swallow another shot of vodka. She should be tucking into bed right now, sleeping in and safe from the busy city lights. But nothing could've stopped Devina from wrecking herself on that early evening. Obviously, nobody could've seen her that way -- but helplessly she noticed the pairs of eyes judging her from afar whilst walking back home. Too numb to feel anything, she returned from her flashbacks and dragged herself towards the sink to get a glass of cold water. Maybe that would help. Maybe it wouldn't.

To her own dismay, her eyes did not see the trash bin right in front of her. Only two steps and she tripped over, falling to her knees and bruising her elbows like a child would, yet too foggy to weep or cry for help. At this ungodly hour, no one would come to help the little needy junkie, whose senses were too mixed to be even reliable. She took her time to get off the floor, but Devina was still dizzy from the fall. She didn't even think twice before leaning against a wall and let herself collapse to the cold ground again, as nonchalantly as it could've seemed. The world cared for nothing and so did she. It was almost like being taken into another dimension, losing her sense of touch and sight, barely feeling the tip of her fingers. She was too numb to notice the bleeding on her knees, let alone the pounding headache growing by the minutes. With freezing legs, she shrank on the floor and closed eyes as to fall asleep, but in that state of mind, no attempt to rest would ever be successful. Devina must've stayed in a perpetual moment of dizziness and confusion, in between her dreaming and her hallucinating, rambling to herself and yet to no one at the same time for hours. Her body remained in the same contracted position, eventually leading the girl to extreme back aches by the time she woke up, only two hours later.

Obviously, she was defeated. But nothing compared to the sweet numbness that took over her, as if living was optional, as if she didn't need to die or survive. It was much like being in her own little world of fantasies and out of body experiences, a dangerous path she'd taken before, yet the wrong choice that was always so addictive and self-destructive.

[devina-altman]

And the day just keeps getting better.

Right now, I couldn't care less for anything and anyone else. Call me selfish. I'm done.

[notdarcyyoung]

Of course all the shelters are closed for the night.

[notdarcyyoung]

…no. You don’t have to go. I’m just…under some pressure right now. 

[devina-altman]

I sort of.. Understand. Although I can't really compare your situation to mine, it's not really fair. If you need anything, you can just ask me... I'm good at making promises, no one needs to know.

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[detectivebarker]

"You’re the Altman girl, aren’t you? Though, how bad could it be really?"

[devina-altman]

Uhm- yes, yes, I'm Devina Altman. Why? Are you here to mock me?

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[piper-bishop]

Come on, when have I ever turned down fun in all the time that you’ve known me? But you’re going to have to be a little bit more specific than just that. Now a days I prefer to know what kind of trouble I’m signing up for before diving in head first. It makes me feel slightly more grown up and responsible. 

[devina-altman]

Okay then, Miss All Grown Up. We can go for some coffee, I'm craving for some caffeine in my blood system. See, that's a very grown up activity, you can't say no to me now.

[notdarcyyoung]

Of course all the shelters are closed for the night.

[notdarcyyoung]

I don’t need your help, okay? I have everything under control. I don’t even know you and you certainly don’t know me. 

[devina-altman]

You're right. I'm sorry. I just thought I could.. Offer some help. Do you need me to, uhm, leave or?

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[daniel-messer]

I don’t make a habit out of snitching on my customers. It’s bad for business. I can get you whatever you need. Pick your poison. 

[devina-altman]

I need.. Some speed. Some snow will do.

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[daniel-messer]

So what, you’re some socialite that’s fallen from grace then? If you’re looking for something to calm you down, you’ve happened across the right guy. What do you need? Grass, or something stronger?

[devina-altman]

Well.. I don't really get along with weed. The smells sticks to your clothes. What.. What else do you have? Nobody can see me doing this... Don't tell anyone, please. 

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[daniel-messer]

Good, ‘cause I don’t feel judged. I think it’s funny. I’ve never been confused for anyone recognizable like that. And I can assure you that I’m no one important. 

[devina-altman]

I used to be important, I guess I understand what you mean.. But right now I'm looking for some distraction -- something to make me forget that I'm back in New York and the chaotic buzz. Apparently tea isn't calming me down anymore.

[ndobreva]

[devina-altman]

And you'd think it's possible to be treated nicely.

[goldilocksroth]

I know what you mean. It’s a good thing you and I have each other as a crutch. Well, maybe not. We’re both so clumsy.

[devina-altman]

Which reminds me that I owe you a new coffee mug, ever since our last movie night I broke the purple one you borrowed me, remember? I'll go shopping on the weekend, you should come along because I will need someone to carry my bags. Alright, I'm kidding.