I'm new and just starting out with experimenting and such. I have a history of.. Unpleasant sexual encounters. And would like some advice on starting out with gentle powerplay. I've been asked to play a dominant role and would like to know how to start out safely and reasonably. Can you give me some tips or refer me to good sources for research?
As someone who also has a wide history of unpleasant sexual encounters/experiences, I would like to start with, don't feel pressured into doing anything you are uncomfortable with and start very slow. When I started out I didn't realize that I wasn't ready for a lot of the things I had started doing, so definitely take it slow.
Power play is something that can be participated in without any touching, which often leads to the misconception that no harm can be done here, be very aware that emotional and psychological damage can occur, and even if no physical pain has been implemented, after care is still necessary.
That said, power play is a complex creature and can be participated in on many levels, as light as just speaking and no touching, to as far as guiding a submissive with a lead.
One of the most important aspects of being a good dominant is never letting anything except confidence show during a scene, which is why I like to plan things for a few days in advance, so I will never hesitate when I'm in scene. I would recommend having a set of rules ready and discuss them beforehand, my favorites are not leaving my presence without permission (and thank you must be given before my pet can leave), always using titles of respect (sir, mistress, etc.), and/or attending to one of your needs (I use keeping my water glass from going empty), so that your submissive has direction during activities.
If you are uncomfortable with giving a physically painful punishment, there are other ways to make sure your submissive is heeding your word, such as standing in the corner or being a footrest, or doing a chore they dislike (such as dishes or mopping). To slowly integrate painful punishments you can start very slow, like with rubber bands. I used rubber bands to train my submissive to use titles of respect, each time she didn't, snap snap, and instant punishment.
Physical shows of dominance often help to keep a sub in subspace if they are struggling to get into the scene. One of my favorites is running my fingers through the hair gently then a firm grab and soft tug, this can be followed by a kiss, just to let your submissive know who is in control. Pushing your submissive against the wall, pinning their hands, and telling them that you are in control is another good one. Sometimes I will put a lead on my submissive, so she is connected to me and has to do as I do. Having them sit on the floor while you relax on the sofa, only allowing them to eat or drink when you say so, having them eat or drink from a plate on the floor.
Something to keep in mind too is that you can stop a scene as well, dominants have safewords too, be sure you discuss this fact beforehand that you may need to stop at some point if you get too uncomfortable. Make your partner aware that you might need a hug afterward too.
One thing I have struggled with a lot in the past is guilt, because I have suffered sexual abuse, it weighed on my mind that it looked the same to me at times. Remembering the pain I suffered and to suddenly feel that I was doing the exact same thing, was pretty hard to deal with in the moment. Keep in mind that this activity is different, it is not abuse, it is consensual between you and your partner, and you are not doing anything wrong. Be aware that these things can happen, and that it's okay, and if it happens you can stop. You can try again or stop forever, don't ever feel pressured to put yourself in a situation that makes you feel bad.
As for resources, I would highly recommend reading the guides that submissivefeminist posts, they are always very informative. (http://submissivefeminist.tumblr.com/) The guides can be found on the side-bar to the right.