Devluw

Invisible for this world

[devluw]

I wanted to write today. Unsaid words, my anger won't calm. I am burning with disappointment. I left it unsaid, didn't want to ruin someone's peace. Yet they made me feel like shit. I gave them permission. That make me hate myself more. They use me and act like they didn't. They take pride in making me work for their needs. I stay there cause I crave connection. I need to break free but I couldn't. I am stuck in a loop of ungrateful people and narcissistic ones. I need to escape. Should I end it on the day it started or should I keep quiet and let them squeeze the last ounce in me?

[devluw]

Life lately... Moved to an unknown country....Lived with people I knew but was treated like an outcast. Tried to ran away but financial struggle made me stay there. Found job. Finally moved out. In between all of this I had broken up with my boyfriend. What an amazing life I am going through. No one was there to talk about this. Mom always told to adjust. I hated being sensitive to emotions. I hated being born into this world like this. I know world is harsh. I know I want peace. I knew this is too much. Anyways I am walking through this hell. Everyday seems like survival. Life is indeed a Rollercoaster. But I am always grateful for everything I have now.

[devluw]

No longer obsessed of being a good person but sometimes it feels like everything I do is stupid. I trust people who is fake and I doubt people whose trying to give me everything. Afraid of being played but forgetting to act right is worse. Feeling lost in this miserable world maybe I suffered nothing compared to what some humans felt today. I feel stupid yet lost. I want to go back to the place where no one knows me. So that I won't hurt no one and no one hurts me back. I hated humans the most. I gave this world that power which I was scared to death that I would do again , the power to hurt me. I started opening up. I started to depend on people I started expecting from people. Its just the worst. I hate me for that. I became human again.

[devluw]

And again I felt the same, like a disturbance. Or I shouldn't have tried calling. It hurts but slapped the tears that ran down my cheeks and didn't allow it to touch my lips. I was hurt cause everytime I come out and try something I was scared of, this world reminds me to stay in dark and push me down into those cold water filled with my past memories. World won't know what I had to go through,no one should know. No pain is silly.

"Do not mock a pain that you haven't endured"

[leonardospoetry]

Some chapters of life don’t actually have an apparent ending. They just fade away silently.

It’s a strange feeling to look back at the past sometimes and see how some parts of life have simply dissolved into nothingness. And even though this poem might sound sad, I believe that being mindful of the transience of life actually helps us to feel all the preciousness and beauty of it.

[devluw]

She was new to being the bad person to someone.

[arcanecherry-blog]

Concept

An idea of a character. A doll-like figure, porcelain shell of an appearance.. she is a literal doll. The glass is a shell, a disguise, something to hold back a terrible monster. When she is open, its released. Its always hungry, so it consumes all in its path until somehow brought back into the body and closed in there.. Do not have Sluka open up her chest.

[lonely-my-middle-name]

[you-should-know]

These Dark Thoughts

I thought I could seal them away but they are ripping my mind apart. My heart hurts an ache I can’t stop. My body feels so heavy. I keep the whisper of the monster beckoning me. I am trying not to give in but that is becoming more and more difficult as the days go on. This whisper is starting to grow louder as time passes. The ache in my heart has become familiar almost like a comfort as it never seems to disappear like the people in my life. I am starting to feel the monster take hold of almost all parts of my mind. I believe one day soon it will win.

[vespera-stella]

[devluw]

He asked" Why are you into solitude so much?"

To that she replied "It's how she grown up with."

There is nothing you can force with humans, let it be connections,feelings or help whatever...it just doesn't work as we want. There is no meaning in keeping someone by your side and expecting them to solve every problems or to be there whenever we want. It's complete nonsense. Humans are the most unpredictable beings in the world.

[devluw]

I saw you in my dream today, but this time it was different, i wasn't happy that you touched me, i hated that i melted in your arms even when I knew i shouldn't do this to myself...but am calm of one thing it hurted less this time...i think am getting over it...maybe am healing slowly.

[devluw]

If it's hurting you,leave me. Staying in hope hurts. I know am cruel to you....am busy creating my world and am not sure what future holds. If you stay you will get more wounds...run from me love.

[devluw]

Still trying to learn...

Learn from all the things that's surrounds me. Each day it's different but it's a loop. It's unique only when we are part of beings around us,maybe as a listener or just with the presence but at the end of the day everything just makes sense in this universe. In nothing also there is something that's there to learn and it's 'Patience'.

[devluw]

Sitting in this four walls of loopy office world...I still see the beauty of skies

[devluw]

[devluw]

Shower me with your kindness,I will question you thrice. Love, forgive me. I was scared to trust. I will remember you as a beautiful dream of mine but I can't let you stay. Hurting you is all I do, I can't see you in pain in my name cause I love you.

-ps/devluw