This is a place where I upload whatever is on the inside of my mind. It’s more or less unfiltered. Unfortunately, my mind is a dark place. Please be advised.
I’m a complicated person, a suicide survivor, an adoptee, living with mental illness and a life long history of questioning the purpose of life. But I’ve also spent my whole life trying to fit in, be social, to succeed… or die trying. Here I’m writing as Vespera Stella, Pars Cor, and a few other pseudonyms.
If you are fighting a battle against mental illness and want help - Please see a list of contacts further down.
Find help
Here’s a list with a few ways to get help, talk with someone or to get information. Please note that this is neither a complete list of all available resources, nor is it regularly updated.
— IASP (International Association for Suicide Prevention - Suicidal Crisis Support. A comprehensive, searchable database with suicide hotlines in virtually all countries https://www.iasp.info/suicidalthoughts/
— Open Counseling. A list with emergency numbers and suicide hotlines around the world https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/
Disclaimer
I don’t encourage anybody to act on their feelings or to do anything that could be harmful for themselves or others. Any such information is unintentional. If you find anything that’s isn’t in compliance with the rules, please report to me or to Tumblr https:// www.tumblr.com/abuse/selfharm
Imagine if those feelings, that horror started to haunt you every minute. No matter what you did, they’d always be there.
And since you know you’re the only one who can see it, feel it.. it’s embarrassing. I mean.. you’ve got to be crazy, going around imagining things, right?
At first, you try to hide it. But as the years pass, it gets increasingly difficult. So you talk with someone. But they don’t understand. Nobody does. How should they?
So you stay silent.
Years pass. Decades.
And here you are. Numb.
It has since long become the new normal.
The screams for help and the cries of despair are louder, sure. But only inside.
