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strike me

whispered--thoughts

are you happy yet?

do you feel proud knowing that i'm home alone on the weekend because you didn't invite me out? are you satisfied with yourself when you see that í'm sad? do you laugh when you read the things that i post or hear the things i say? do my failures make you smile? or do you sit a home late at night realizing that you - all on your own - ruined a perfectly fine girl? sure i had some problems but with my best friend by my side i could have made it through any of them. do you regret abandoning me when i needed you most ? do you wish you had done things differently? do you realize you were the only one that could save me from myself? are you starting to see the impact you have on my life? no, you're out partying with your other friends. you're out getting drunk and laughing it up, embracing your youth. you don't realize what you do to me and you never will. you won't stop for a second and think 'wow i feel bad for the way i treated her'. no. you'll keep living your life and i'll keep living mine. the only difference is i'll be watching you slip further away every single day and i'll struggle with this every moment, but you .. one day, a long time from now, you'll wake up anda wonder what ever happened to her ?

yeah this is my best friend and yeah i'd still take a bullet for her even though she's the one that shot me. i hate you and i love you more than i could explain.

maybe someday you'll understand. i'll always hope you're happy.