Feeling ko ang sama sama kong tao. Na mahirap akong mahalin. Kahit saan ako pumunta, nagkakaproblema talaga. I'm starting to believe na ako yung cancer sa mga buhay nila.
I think they hate me. Definitely not an assumption kase at first ang bait bait nila sakin tapos, wala pang 1 month (mind u it's my birth month and after ng bday ko pinagmumumura na ko ng nanay ko kase nabbwisit siyang makita akong namimilipit sa sakit bc of my gut issues) almost everyday na ko sinisigawan because of petty things like mga langgam sa mesa or maling bimpo yung nakuha or may nakapasok na langaw/lamok sa loob ng bahay or namimilipit ka na sa sakit, sila pa yung galit. Na instead of comfort, mumurahin ka pa.
I've also said before na pinapatayan ako ng electric fan ng hilaw kong MIL kahit sobrang init sa kanila. She also likes comparing me to other girls she knew and shiniship niya sa anak niya before which is weird kasi hello gf po ako ng anak niyo. Like what are u implying? Hehe?
Anyway back sa main storyline, as a fragile gorlie, masakit sa puso masigawan ng mga taong nagbigay ng buhay sayo noh. Hahahaha crying while writing this :( hindi ko alam if normal yung gantong pamilya pero ever since I was little, I can't remember any happy memories with them. It's always the screaming and fighting and cursing each other out.
I feel so pathetic hoping for a loving family to welcome me noong umuwi ako. But reality slapped me so hard in the face. They never changed. I never wanted a home where people screams at you just because they're irritated and projects it onto you.
All I wanted is a safe space for me to heal and get back on my feet again. A space where I can clear my head, not spiral down in a place I've been trying to escape. I'm just trying to survive.
I know moving out is the only answer to end all this shit. But it's kinda complicated because of the overlapping factors that needs to be considered. Hays.
