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i wanna write my about my pain in such a way to when you read it you feel my emotion. id rather express my pain in a beautiful way rather than hurting myself physically, bc it hurts jus as much to reread it back -di4ph4nous

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One Nice Bug Per Day

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@di4ph4nous2
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i wanna write my about my pain in such a way to when you read it you feel my emotion. id rather express my pain in a beautiful way rather than hurting myself physically, bc it hurts jus as much to reread it back -di4ph4nous
Been a while
It's been awhile and a lot has changed, not really lol. I graduated two weeks ago and moved in with my girlfriend in my college town. I haven't spoken to my mom since December when she kicked me out. No, she didn't tell me happy birthday or come to my graduation. But I do have conformation that she knows I graduated. I don't have a relationship with my grandma, my mothers' mom, but she reached out to me and congratulated me and told me my mom haven't been talking to her either. I'm not surprised, they've been on and off for al long as I can remember. As far as I know my mom only talks to one family member, her cousin. She pushed the rest of her family away on both sides.
I could write a book about my mom and her fucked up ways but this isn't what the post about so ima just move on.
I'm trying to get away from my job on campus and work at the thrift shop closest to me and where I live and it's full time and I like to sort and organize. The pay is shit but it will work until I can find a better job out there somewhere. Im gonna pay off my credit card and get a sewing machine and finally do all the things I said I would do/try. Im ready to grab life by the balls.
Yk I get so sad thinking about my mom but life goes on man. I literally went through college by myself and I still graduated without her being here. College was hard asf man deadass and I still made it through. And it was hard until the very end TRULY and that will be another separate post. But yeah man, life goes on. Im doing my best to keep me happy and safe and fulfilled in life.
White Room, Red Ears
In a white room but my ears are red
Black skin but my ears are GLOWING red
Same pink tongue, same words are said
I respond to them, but to me nothing is said
Make no mistake my ears are red
Even though I smartly said what I said
A different twang, a different patter on speech
But no response
So my ears are red
They donโt know because my locs flow down
I answer questions with answer they do and donโt know
Even when they donโt know they sneer and ignore the truth
They donโt trust me and they are so uncouth
They said FUCK, IDIOT, SHIT, DICK
They scream, eyes all out their head
Veins, popping and pussing out their foreheads
Over being right, faces white and red
I speak sweet, shallow
Careful with what I share
But my ears are red
They donโt even know, Iโm glad they canโt tell
But the reason they donโt is because they donโt care
What to prove, What to prove
I worked hard for my spot
But my ears are red, man my face is hot
I donโt stay silent, I fight through the dread
Keep kicking rocks, control, conquer
Push through advance
A silent, silent battle to keep my foot in the door, determined to never continue my motherโs path to poor
Blessed is my gift, so no tears shall shed
Thank god this brown skin washed over these ears when theyโre red.
Diana Ross 1977
my best days are when i travel
via Vanessa Fraser on Flickr
On the third year, I stood before you and kissed your cheek
I had spoken of bliss and joy, pure love
I speak of the same but on another plain
I have never felt a love so safe, fierce, and unconditional as I have come to feel and know from you
The Woman I Love
You are the master and the keeper of my heart
And you have earned that and more
You have spoken to me with such heightened adoration and attraction that sometimes I am left overwhelmed
You have learned me and seem as though you'd commit to learn for all the time to come
Ecstasy is the only way I can describe it
The utmost joy to know that someone as beautiful and tender as you has chosen me to be your love
You challenged despair, and you dared to love me
And you chose not to love for a season, but for all the years to come
You have helped me embrace myself with no shame, self-hate, or malice
You have given me the real you
which is my most prized and passionate treasure
If only a letter were enough to express my gratitude
If only a letter were enough to declare my love
I'll do it all the time, forever if you let me
I can only hope that when I say "I Love You," you feel all that comes with it
We are watching each other blossom
And we are loving every moment
Every Kiss, Every Smile, Every Touch, Every Breath
A new piece of us becomes present
For a lovelier world is built every day I am with you
me when uhh...me when...
dkys
Don't spend too much time on things that are negative, even if they are true. Your outward reflects your inside, life is coming from you, not at you. If it's out of your control forget about it.
Accept that gift. accept that compliment.
I'm truly writing this for myself but I hope this uplift whoever it comes across especially if you're in your twenties.
There is no correct way to live. There is no race. There is no linear way to success and happiness. Make those mistakes, call out of work, do whatever you want just don't fuck over yourself in the process. Respect yourself because no one else will. Fuck those expectations, fuck everything that's tearing you down.
Get that tattoo, get that piercing, go to that concert. Run away. Make yourself happy. Read, make art, get out of bed, hell clean your room.
Live for yourself. If there's someone out there who you're seeking approval from and you've been try to for years, accept that you've failed and you'll never be able to. Move on. It's for your own sake. Save your own life, but if you need help pls ask the ones around you. People love you. I love you and the ones who love you the most you can visibly see that love. Don't overlook or dismiss that.
Jill Marie Jones & Persia White being interviewed at the Billboard Music Awards (2000)
god i love these picture of my gf