Poor Kyle. Back in our high school days we’d make bets on how many numbers we’d get at a party. He’d, frustratingly, always won.
How the mighty have fallen.
“You alright?” Anna asked, presumably sensing my empathy & equal distaste. While the scene before us had become routine for her, it hadn’t for me. Nor did I expect that it ever would.
“Geez Spencer, take a picture. It’ll last longer.” Anna’s best friend, Sadie, remarked to my prolonged non-responsiveness.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just so… crazy.”
“Ohh get over it. It’s just a diaper change. Not the first, not the last.” She’d said after performing her patented eye-roll.
“Almost done, sweetie. Then it’s nap time! Aren’t you excited for your nap-nap time?” Kyle’s mom cooed. His cheeks wore a constant shade of pink nowadays. His eyes suddenly averted the onlookers in the room. Despite our good intentions, it felt like we were doing more harm than good.
The prospect of ending up like this haunted all of us. There were, supposedly, subtle indicators during youth and adolescence that suggested it might happen. Prolonged or delayed potty training, poor performance in school, and for males, a sudden octave increase.
By the time you find yourself with wet pants, it’s already started.
There was a solution. Well, two technically. Neither were great options, however.
If it’s determined at a young age that it’s very likely, if not probable, that you’ll eventually contract the regressive disease, they could completely stop the aging process. Thus, continuing through life at the physical age you’re at, limiting the ability for the disease to age you backwards.
Watching Kyle now, I wonder if that would’ve been better than… whatever you call ‘this’?
Would it be better to have lived the high life—dated, fucked, partied—then suddenly have decades taken off your age to avoid certain death? Watching all your friends and flings continue on their adulthood journey while you futilely battle soiling yourself?
Or to have never lived that life at all, remaining, at least physically, a child. Fully self aware, watching everyone continue to grow up. The one, perhaps only, benefit being the retention of your potty training.
Despite her former nonchalance, Sadie wrinkled her nose. Even Anna, his sister, grimaced.
I couldn’t imagine the utter shame Kyle must be experiencing. We’d all been the closest friends growing up. Anna and I eventually crossed the ‘friend’ threshold and started dating while Kyle and Sadie had remained besties. Although he got every girl's number, he was never able, nor did it appear he ever would now, do the same with Sadie.
As Sadie stood up, her shapely rear reminded me that, I too, had pined for her and failed. We’d fooled around once, before Anna and I had started dating, full-on at least. I’d wondered how my performance might’ve compared to her boyfriend. Her lack of texts or calls afterwards made me fear that perhaps I wasn’t as macho as I thought I was.
“Why are they so… babyish?” I asked, suddenly snapped out of my trance upon seeing the Luvs diaper that Kyle’s mom was taping him up in.
“Supposed ta help slow it down’s what they said. Make’ em feel like they’re really a baby.” His mother replied matter-of-factly.
Interesting. I figured shitting yourself would be enough.
“Alrighty, time for beddie byes, baby. Tell your friends bye.”
Kyle reluctantly waved as his mother picked him up; the baby blue pacifier he was nursing precluding him from forming coherent words.
I continued to watch him as they departed for his former bedroom, now nursery, until they disappeared.
Guess I’d have to live it up for the both of us.
Over the next two weeks, I hooked up, fucked, partied and masturbated enough for the both of us. Part of me felt bad that we hadn’t gone to see him lately. I wondered one night while fucking Anna if he were laying in his crib, wondering if we’d abandoned him.
I shrugged it off. What did we have in common now? How was I supposed to be a friend to someone who can’t even keep from shitting themselves?
Worst of all, I don’t even think Sadie had visited. That was the last time we’d all been in the same room.
I did feel a pang of regret. What must it be like, knowing your friends are out there moving on, imagining them doing all the things you now wished you could do, only to realize suddenly that you smell like a naughty toddler.
—————————————————————————
“Anna, I was drunk. Simple as that. Besides, if it were going to happen, it already would have.”
Just like Anna, overreact to nothing. At least I hope.
“Babe, you were in special ed until 10th grade, your mom says you weren’t out of diapers until you were 6, and you’ve been drunk plenty of times and not pissed yourself. Don’t you think it would probably be a good idea to go see the doctor?”
Well that word lashing hurt. She did make a good point. Or three.
“Fine! I’ll go see a doctor. Happy now?”
Anna just stared at me with an unsatisfied look.
“C’mon, forget about all that. I’m fine.” I closed our distance, taking her shoulder and pulling her closer, eventually into a hug.
“Nobody’s home, right?” I asked with a mischievous grin, pulling her chin up to meet my lips.
Her eyes met mine, her beautiful smile slowing appearing on her lips.
“You boys… always worried about what’s in your pants.”
And at that very moment, coincidentally or perhaps a cruel joke by the universe, a loud fart erupted from said pants.
Anna’s visible shock combined with the deafening sound of me filling up my boxers suddenly made me very worried about what’s in my pants.
—————————————————————————
“Babyyy Shark do-do, do-do, do-do. Babyyy Shark do-do…”
I loathed Wednesday’s. Our daycare teachers always insisted we dance to these childish toons. If not for Kyle’s insistence I join, I’d be in the back playing with my dinosaurs. It was kind of fun compared to everything else we did. Kind of a “fake-it til you make-it” mindset these days.
They’d changed it up a bit at Kyle and my pleadings for something more competitive.
Now they’d abruptly stop the song and we’d have to freeze.
However, I’d yet to win, nor would I during this outting. My bowlegged stance doing me no favors, I again felt my diaper expand without having any notice beforehand.
“Uh oh! Looks like Hunty is out!” The daycare teacher exclaimed, drawing attention to the now obvious state of my diaper.
“Nuh Uh I didn’t move!” I yelled out, suddenly realizing how pathetic I must’ve sounded.
It’d been almost 7 months since I’d last seen Sadie. Gorgeous as ever. Maybe even more gorgeous than before, although nowadays we didn’t get to fraternize with the ladies.
“What’er you doing here?” I turned to confirm the voice, yanking the loose paci out of my mouth and pulling my frustratingly short shirt down to cover the ever growing diaper around my waist.
“I’m here to pick up Kyle, silly. I didn’t know you…”
She didn’t even have to finish that sentence. My naughty secret becoming ever present to her cute nose.
Behind her, I saw a couple, discreetly looking on from the lobby.
Before I could finish, I was irritatingly swept off my feet.
“Sadie! How’re you doin, sweetie? You just look stunning!”
I’d do anything to be anywhere else right now. Incapacitated by a daycare worker, soiled diaper noticeably sagging all the while in the presence of Sadie with Anna and some guy peering on from a distance.
Who the fuck is she with?
I tuned out as they discussed adult things, as I often did these days. That was now a world I was incapable of understanding, nor participating in.
I squinted slightly in Anna’s direction. Was she holding that guy's hand?
“Oh honey, that’s so great that you two are gettin' on so well! Tell’em I said hi for me, okay? I’d better get Mr. Hunter here changed before he gets a rash.”
My cheeks burned with rage and shame. Before I could say anything, I was whisked away to the changing table.
Staring at Anna & Sadie as we retreated, I wondered if the look on my face resembled Kyle’s that day. That look of being stripped of adulthood, manhood, dignity and independence. The look of knowing they’d likely be getting fucked tonight while I’d be in a crib, diapered, and almost certainly wet, if not worse. The jealous gaze of knowing they have an independence, a free-will to do whatever they’d like.
I blankly stared at the ceiling as Kyle’s mother began changing me. My former manhood, turned nub, joining me in my absent gaze. I could feel Anna and Sadie’s eyes still lingering as they left.
Anna went on to start her own successful company, working with movie stars and various musical artist. Sadie, unsurprisingly, became a model.
Me? I’m still here, diapered; no closer to being potty trained than a newborn. Diaper on, diaper dirty, diaper change. Nothing forward, nothing backwards. Just left behind.
Photo Credit: @daddyiwantthis
Collaborators: @all4thedips, @destinedfordiapers
