Okay I'm about to book the accommodation. Are you sure you'll be okay on the couch? No, I mean.. are you going to bring anything to protect the couch? No I mean.. come on you know what I mean. Please don't make me spell it out. Something waterproof. In case you.. you know.. have an accident? Look, I wouldn't ask but it's my boyfriend's credit card that they'll charge if anything happens to that couch.
Please don't be difficult about this, you know exactly what I'm talking about and honestly you should be happy we're letting you stay with us at all. Okay, fine. You left your Amazon logged in on my phone a few weeks ago and I sort of peaked at your order history and it painted a pretty clear picture about a certain little bed time problem. Yeah yeah, I shouldn't have looked, but, I mean, it's kind of your fault. And I know now so there's no point denying it. Oh, really? Oh it was just a one time thing? You know it's still logged in, right? You know I can pull it up right now, right?
Okay, let's see here. Hmm. Bed wetting medication on a repeat order since 2021. You didn't think I'd know what that was, did you? Mhm, I googled it. Ultra-absorbent overnight pull-up briefs, also 2021. Not absorbent enough, apparently - looks like you switched to full on adult diapers pretty quick. Wow, you go through a lot of these. Makes me wonder why you still bother with the medication. Absorbent bed pads? Waterproof mattress protector? Oh, just for allergies though, right?. Hahaha. Oh and this one is my favorite - you paid two hundred and fifty dollars for a night time toilet training hypnosis CD just six months ago! Aw, you poor thing, I guess it doesn't work on grown ups huh, because oopsie, one month later you're back to ordering those diapers. Hey, I didn't want to do that but you insisted on being a baby about this. Ha, sorry, Freudian slip.
Now, I really want to book but I need to know that you're not going to have a problem. I need you to promise me that you'll be in diapers every night while we're there. No, I need to hear you say it. I want to be able to trust you - I don't want to have to check every night. That's better. Make sure you bring enough. I'm going to check your bag before we leave, okay? I don't want get there and find out that you "forgot". And I think you should bring some of those pads too just in case of leaks. Well if you don't need them, why did you order a new pack literally last week? Aw, are you worried about one of the other others girls seeing the pad? Aw honey, I wouldn't worry about that. Well, the thing is.. I might have told Katie about your little problem. And I told her not to tell anyone else but then she kind of put it in the girls' group chat. So, yeah.. but don't worry, they'll all pretend they don't know.
And, yeah, obviously Jack knows. It's kind of good actually. He gets jealous and he was a bit weird about you coming with us. But when I told him that you're a bed wetter- what, what am I supposed to say? Oh I'm sorry, do you want me to use the medical term? Grow up, you're a bed wetter, you should be used to hearing it by now. Anyway, after I told him, he said it's actually good now that he doesn't have to worry about you trying anything with me or the other girls. He said it's like you're the little brother of the group now. Isn't that cute? Jack's little brother used to wet the bed too and he used to give him a hard time about it, I guess he thinks it's funny. But hey, listen, don't worry about it if he teases you a bit this weekend. It's just his sense of humor. Just, you know, don't argue with him okay? You know how he likes to be the alpha guy. I don't want you to make things weird. And, I mean, you probably don't want to antagonize him, we all know he'd kick your ass.
