Diaries of a BARN

I'm a Bad Ass Registered Nurse. Here's my blog.

[diariesofabarn]

*proud nurse post alert*

I downplay my job a lot- just another day at work, right? But today I put all humility aside to express tremendous pride in what we do as nurses. Today I finished three nights in a row precepting my two new grads nearing the end of their orientation. I can remember clearly their first week taking two patients with guidance, yet this week they each independently supported 4 very acutely ill IMC patients through a night of epidural PCAs, JPs, NGTs, DHTs in the nose and out the mouth, chest tubes, escaping maggot therapy (yes), restraints, the list goes on… I then make it home after these three shifts only to turn back to the hospital to drop off a care package and have a quick visit to a friend who is admitted. Upon leaving the hospital to finally get in a good tempo run that I’ve been putting off for days, a 30 year old man collapses on the sidewalk in front of me- I am trained for this. He’s weak, clammy, short of breath, can’t feel his hands, starts to convulse, and I get enough information out of him before he goes unconscious to set EMS up for immediate action. His girlfriend with him doesn’t speak English- no problem, dime lo que pasó en español. One other bystander helping us out comes up to me afterwards…. “man, I’m so glad you were here. I’m a Georgetown med student and I had no idea what was going on!” I help his girlfriend park her car, find him in the ER, put on my marathon playlist, and it’s time to run. I love being a nurse, and after endless challenging moments, I can finally say that I’m really good at it. Today, I am extra aware of my gratitude for my mentors and colleagues who inspire me, and you know EXACTLY who you are. It’s because of you, and the patients that I will NEVER forget, that I am thrilled to defer grad school and practice clinically for another year.

[diariesofabarn]

haaaaaaaaaaahahahahahha. i can't stop chuckling to myself in bed. it's 2 30am. hahahahahha. oh man. life is so funny. 

[diariesofabarn]

Meet my patients.

Sweet black church lady. Heroin addict. Pakistani hero mom. Tragic quadriplegic.

Sweet black church lady is awesome. Sweet black church lady was raised in Brooklyn but lived all over the world with her husband who was in the military. Her son was born in Frankfurt. 

Sweet black church lady was diagnosed with metastatic cancer two years ago. I cant even remember what the reason for this admission was... too much happens during the day for me to remember the trivial details. I only remember the big ideas, morals, themes, feelings. 

SBCL expressed her gratitude for every single thing i did for her today, big and small. And she was genuine. She called me Nurse Paul and was simply joyful despite her health. she was genuinely happy in such a simple way. 

SBCL was awesome. 

Heroin addict probably never had a shot. Maybe our system failed him. Although it seems like his sisters made out ok... maybe he is just a bum. 

Heroin addict was diagnosed with a metastatic colon cancer yesterday and was super depressed today. It doesn't look good for heroin addict.

Pakistani hero mom made me cry today. She is incredible. She was forced into an arranged marriage in her native Pakistan. Her husband took her to the states with him. They had two kids in Texas. Her husband was an abusive alcoholic. One day, while her husband was at work, Pakistani hero mom packed her two children and belongings into a UHaul and left her husband in Texas (without him having any idea) for Florida. In Florida she worked three blue collar jobs and raised her two children- a bank teller, dunkin donuts, and one more. Her son graduated as the valedictorian of a class of 2000 and went to Brown on scholarship. Her daughter when to Cornell (on scholarship). Now she's a lawyer.

Two years ago, PHM's kids were living in Dubai and somewhere in the states (far away from her). Then she was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer so PHM's kids left their lives to all meet in DC and spend the last years of their mom's life close to her. They recognized that she had spent their life doing everything she could to care for them and now was an opportunity to show her the same. 

PHM's daughter insisted on buying me a coffee (and surprisingly a piece of lemon pound cake) from starbucks before end of shift. While walking home and thinking about how much sleep i needed tonight, coffee didn't seem like such a good idea. I couldn't waste it; I was too emotionally attached, so I dumped the coffee in my morning thermos and will heat it up for tomorrow morning when I go in to take care of PHM another day. 

Tragic quadriplegic fell off a ladder at work in his late forties. He wasn't a quadriplegic until his coworker helped move him after he fell.

Tragic.

Tragic quadriplegic is a miserable, hostile person. He shows signs of possible psychiatric issues and definitely  personality issues related to a traumatic brain injury. Tragic quadriplegic is self-declared evil. 

TQ's wife is a martyr. She has been an everlasting beacon of hope, determination, and good will (but i need a stronger term than good will...)- the most admirable caretaker one could imagine. 

Since the accident, TQ has had multiple hospital admissions that have complicated his health even further. They've been through it all, so this admission, TQ's wife was determined to make sure it was done right. Half of the nurses and physicians on our floor found her hard to tolerate. I was proud of her. 

When TQ was finally discharged today his wife opened up to me. TQ sometimes sees things that arent there. Today he thought he saw me (his nurse) outside on the roof of another building. Another time, he asked his wife if she saw the evil souls swimming in hell below the floor. He told her that he was going down to hell with them and he was going to take her family. She told him to leave her family out of it. 

Another time TQ told his devoted wife that he wished she were dead but he didn't know why. 

TQ's wife recognized the spiritual battle as the greatest issue. She has incredible Christian faith that has been the only reason why she is still doing this, and doing this well. By "this," i mean "life." For me, TQ's wife was an example of the supernatural power of faith. There's no way in hell anyone could do what she has done, and continues to do, without faith. 

TQ's wife had requested me to be her husband's nurse after I had spent a night shift with them the previous week. She told me that she saw a light in me and could tell that I had faith too. I told her that she and her husband had my prayers and she was grateful. Apparently she had brought cookies in for me on two different occasions but had to give them away because I wasn't there. Today she handed me two starbucks cards- one for me and one for the housekeeper, "Margaret," who would come pray with them every day. 

Be extraordinary. 

[diariesofabarn]

Commencement.

Welcome to my blog. I titled it diaries of a Bad Ass RN because today's shift made me feel like a bad ass nurse. I don't always feel like a bad ass nurse. Actually, more often I feel like an idiot. sometimes a jerk. It's a dynamic position. 

Equally important, I love barns. One day I'll fulfill my ultimate dream of living in a farmhouse in vermont. 

These are my stories.