thoughts of a wallflower

from my 27 year-old self

[diarynianning]

[badbluebug]

Favorite.

[diarynianning]

“this is not poetry. this is self-neglect. this is avoiding therapy, avoiding medicine, avoiding growth, avoiding life. this is expecting people to always take care of you. this is asking for help before attempting to fix the problems for yourself. this is being a burden on the people you love. this is not being able to love as much as you want to because you are always putting your fears first. this is when you realize that you need to get your mental health under control before you destroy yourself completely. this is the moment that you tell yourself that you are in control. that you want to be so much more than who you are limiting yourself to being right now because you are not doing everything in your power to be better. this is knowing that even when you think you cannot, you can. this is your turning point. this is that scene in an ’80s coming-of-age film where electronic music blares and someone sits on their front steps or on the hood of their car and realizes that they are capable of having everything they could ever possibly want, and their face is glowing and your heart feels warm just being there to watch it unfold. to see hope and crave it. this is when you look at yourself. really look at yourself. and decide that there is so much more that you will be.”

Excerpt From

Please Don't Go Before I Get Better

Madisen Kuhn

This material may be protected by copyright.

[diarynianning]

You know we shouldn’t view having children as a requirement in our adult lives. It is a choice. It is something we should be accountable and qualified to have.

It is a dilemma for me though. I want to bear a child, it is an experience I want to grab in this lifetime, on the right time. But I don’t think I can be a good parent. I cannot raise a human, a good human, and that’s what we are aiming here, because my weak personality might hinder that. *sigh*

[diarynianning]

“Maybe it’s time to start realizing that the best times aren’t behind us, and better times aren’t ahead of us—better times are here, and they’re happening right now.”

If my life at this point is considered the best times then I no longer know shit what to do with my life lol sorry

[diarynianning]

I am my own person. It’s okay. Breathe.

[diarynianning]

you know what destroys me? uncertainty. i cannot decide if it’s a yes or no when I still cannot decide where my ground is. i would wait, until i am certain. because i am afraid to lose both choices. but in the end all is lost.

[kateoplis]

[catpacks-deactivated20240223]

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Tears For Fears - “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”

[diarynianning]

I don’t know the concept of a favorite song. There will always be a song you’ll favor among the others in every period or year or month in your life. But if there’ll be an OST for my life, I think this would be it. A song you don’t have to play all the time, but when played at random moments tugs a soft spot, hits home every. Single. Time. When you happen to listen to it. A soft late afternoon haze, a cool shade under a tree, sunset by the lake... this is what this song brings with it.

[8cpu]

if they don’t let you in, you know where to find me.

[diarynianning]

042919

“the day you left”

I’m scared, not because of how small my world turned out, but how lonely it would get to have you outside of it. Come back to me, quick.

What is a place, without a person who gives meaning to it? Today, I will be far from home. Only, I’m not going anywhere.

[prettysounds]

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To die by your side Is such a heavenly way to die

[blossomfully]

“With the right person, it feels simple. Even when it’s difficult it feels simple. Because you never question if it’s worth it. You know the answer is yes.”

— Sue Zhao

[diarynianning]