NASA
Keni
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Kiana Khansmith
untitled
One Nice Bug Per Day
Product Placement
TMBGareOK. The Official They Might Be Giants tumblr
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titsay
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ojovivo
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PR's Tumblrdome
Xuebing Du
Misplaced Lens Cap
todays bird
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
@theartofmadeline
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seen from Brazil
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Türkiye
seen from India
seen from Malaysia
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Australia
seen from Vietnam
seen from Uzbekistan
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Brazil
seen from Sweden
seen from Sweden
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@diaryofahaplessintern
Maybe Mr. Kaiba’s voice is so unnaturally raspy for a kid his age because he vacuum seals his turtlenecks to his body every morning. He can’t possibly be getting enough oxygen through that constricted windpipe of his.
This is not my official medical opinion, by the way. Just a conjecture. I’ll be sure to check for bruising of the larynx if and when I ever convince my boss to remove his shirt during a physical.
I should really restock my bandaids: inter-finger papercuts are at an all-time high and I’m running short on supplies.
On the record, I’m blaming poor drawing technique and the gross overuse of Pot of Greed. But I have a gut feeling that someone’s been using trading cards as projectile weapons again...
You know what I love? When my boss decides to fly to Egypt with no advance warning and without consulting me first. It’s not like vaccinations are generally required before setting foot in foreign countries.
I care about how important this card game is to you, Mr. Kaiba. I really do. I respect that you probably had legitimate, not at all silly reasons for needing to follow your arch rival into the desert without even a goodbye to your little brother (who may I remind you was deposited in my office yet again two days ago, barely conscious, without explanation?). I care. I swear it.
You know who doesn’t care?
TYPHOID
I was cleaning Mr. Kaiba’s medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions (I’d like the record to note that I don’t approve of my predecessor’s tendency to provide any and all stimulants requested, no matter how much they increase “productivity”, or as I like to call it, “the likelihood of making rude hand gestures at your body’s desperate pleas for rest and sustenance”) and I found an interesting bottle stashed at the back.
My best guess is absinthe, both due to the colour and how very much it would explain about my boss’s supposed adventures with Yugi and his crew.
Update: The lab tells me it’s hair dye. Huh.
Maybe Mr. Kaiba is finally ready to go through his belated teenage rebellion stage? I’ll be sure to advice Roland to be on the lookout for ripped jeans and eyeliner.
WIth all the money this corporation pours into... well, everything, you'd think we could afford a few contractors to repaint the front entrance. (I took a photo for posterity's sake.)
Seriously. It's hard to feel like a professional when you're greeted by an elementary kid's collage project every morning. Somehow it feels incongruous with the lab coat and quadruple authentication digital security at the door.
The next time the higher ups tell me that I should be "more civil" to the American businessmen who loiter in KaibaCorp's headquarters and come in complaining of aches and pains from the "company bonding nights" they spend in Domino's more risque districts, I'm going to get my contact in the tech department to rig up an untraceable Funny Bunny virus, plant it on a few desktops in HQ, and let them see just what the boss thinks about our friends from across the ocean.
According to the latest issue of my ScienceDaily subscription, experts are at a loss to explain the recently discovered altered brain state of many of our nation's youth. Those with such modified neural patterns demonstrate a high susceptibility to addiction and a notable disregard for educational pursuits.
Do I suspect KaibaCorp of disguising mind-altering subliminal messages in the audio feedback of their holographic programs? Of course not. That would be a ridiculous accusation. Not to mention suspiciously specific.
(On a completely unrelated note, remind me to burn any and all of last month's memos from the R&D department.)
Today's memo: From now on all KaibaCorp aircraft are to be equipped with emergency safety equipment in the event of in-flight-atop-plane duels.
Because apparently those are a thing.
That have happened MORE THAN ONCE.
Shall we discuss the g-forces? The risk of turbulence? The literally unlivable temperature at cruising altitude?
No we fucking shan't because nobody asks my goddamn opinion on these matters why do they even bother having a medical team in the first place this infernal *black illegible scribbles* can all go straight to hell.
It's a sad, sad day when you have to admit giving a ten-year-old with no formal education executive power over a multinational corporation is probably the best decision your boss has ever made. I've taken to dealing with the younger Kaiba when at all possible. He seems far more concerned with the prevention of bodily harm than his brother. Actually, he seems much more concerned with humans in general than his brother.
Maybe I should have gone into dracology instead of medical science. I hear that's where you make the big bucks in this company.
What is the strangest order/ request you've received from higher ups or even Kaiba himself?
Strange is all a matter of relativity. When “find me the optimal arterial severing point which would render an opponent unconscious in three turns, supposing that a turn is equivalent to twenty-four hours of real-time bleeding — we want these holograms to be realistic, of course” becomes a perfectly reasonable daily assignment, you have to start reevaluating the way you think about your job.
So the strangest order I’ve gotten lately from Mr. Kaiba?
"Take a day off."
For the gross annual revenue of this company, you’d think we could afford to install proper railings on the corporate blimp. This is the last time I’m citing “massive haemorrhage” as cause of death on an autopsy report. While certainly part of the problem, I’m fairly sure the 30,000 foot faceplant onto concrete was a contributing factor.
The skull is connected to the *snap* neck bone. The neck bone is connected to the *snap* shoulder bone. The shoulder is connected to the *snap* arm bone. The arm bone is connected to the *snap* elbow bone. The elbow is connected to the *snap* duel disk. The duel disk is con-
...Shit.
My anatomy prof would be so ashamed.
It's hard to find Mr. Kaiba as intimidating as his PR team wants you to believe when you've seen him down with a case of the sniffles. Never have I been happier to mandate bedrest. Seeing him curled up under a pile of blankets, grumpily flipping through movies on his tablet (which I bribed one of the technicoloured automatons to digitally padlock so it can only access Netflix and pictures of kittens at play), and hugging a mug of hot cocoa close to his chest was almost enough to convince me he's a real live human being, instead of a machine. Or a velociraptor. Or a pool noodle.
I should really start compiling a list of all these hypotheses.
Monthly Inventory Receipts, to be Submitted to the Clerk’s Office
Gauze bandages
A new set of scalpels to replace the ones that went missing (mysteriously, the arms of Mr. Kaiba’s jacket also disappeared within a few hours of the theft)
Ten new elbow braces, because I’ve discovered you can never have too many
The wax that Mr. Kaiba will never admit to needing to keep the back of his hair in perfect conical form
Cream for the nasty rashes all those kids have developed from wearing duel disks twenty hours a day (bacteria builds up something awful in the padding)
Eyedrops to soothe retinas strained by prolonged exposure to bright holographic lights
Alcohol, and I’m hoping whoever inputs these receipts assumes it’s of the rubbing variety and leaves it at that
There’s double jointed, and then there’s Seto Kaiba’s arms. I didn’t even know elbows could bend at that angle. Forget the velociraptor, maybe he’s part ferret. Or pool noodle.
A brief haiku, to sum up my KaibaCorp experience thus far:
Once I dreamt of love
Happiness and family
Now, only card games
I’m starting to suspect Mr. Kaiba’s been injecting steroids straight into his calves for the past few years. How else could he manage to jump ten feet straight into the air to snatch a card from the maws of yesterday’s killer robot creature (which the memo circulated today very clearly states was nothing more than a holographic malfunction, despite its mangling of no less than three company office complexes)?
That, or he’s secretly a velociraptor.
Does he have feathers?
Not that I know of, but then again, in my whole time working for this company I’ve yet to see him in anything more revealing than a turtleneck (which is astounding, considering I administer his physicals).
He could be hiding anything under all those layers.
