Its Complicated. @diaryofawalkingdisaster - Tumblr Blog

I just failed my midterm. I have been stable for a long time but i somewhat self harmed today. I hate that it made me feel better

Wtf so today i was having difficulty cumming because of the position we were in and i dont think we did enough foreplay and i reverted to my bad habit of just faking it and running it back and he could tell????? I’m shaken but anyways we ended up just doing more later soooooooo

Winnie the pooh was fuckin onto something with that honey addiction I’m obsessed with this honey i got from a local farm

Things are sadder now and i dont know why. I haven’t been depressed in years but i think that I’ve shifted into that cycle of my bipolar disorder. I wish i could get out of it but the only way i feel better is hanging out with friends and i cant do that now. At least i see my boyfriend tomorrow so thats good

Today was the first time I’ve ever had an issue with orgasming with my boyfriend and honestly like he was so...good with it? Like we just took a break and I told him what I thought might help and then it happened? Like this is probably a normal thing that you’re supposed to do but one time i took a little long with my ex and she stopped and said i have to try to make it happen like... i faked it every single time after that because i was so scared she would get frustrated like that again. I’m just really grateful I’m with someone so patient.

So yeah I’m not having a panic attack but like I’m on the verge and its not great and i really wish my boyfriend was here to help. He doesn’t really know what to do when i have bad anxiety/panic attacks but just having him there helps

Anyways, i love my boyfriend and he makes me so incredibly happy

I’ve been so anxious lately. I’ve had to take my xanax twice this week to calm down and sleep and its like I’m dreading sleeping for some reason. One of the times i had to take it was when i started thinking about hockey and playing again in the spring when covid might not be over yet. But anyways I’m not thinking about that right now because i will have an anxiety attack again

I’ve got so much homework UGH but its okay cause i made good food and watched my show and I’m relaxed and ready to work

Did I mention my sex life is fucking amazing now because honestly she never made me feel this good and I’m so happy I found him and made such an amazing decision. He loves me like i deserve to be loved and how i want to be loved.

My life has changed so much for the better. I’m so happy now. My boyfriend is so amazing and I’m so happy and in love.

ARE YOU SERIOUS HE HAD FEELINGS FOR ME WHILE I HAD FEELINGS FOR HIM AND HE LIKED ME IN HIGH SCHOOL TOO IS THIS REAL LIFE

I can’t take my own advice. I miss him. And now he’s into another girl and it makes me so incredibly sad. I know I can’t have him anyways but god do I wish i could.

I need to just lay off. I keep trying to force our friendship and its just making me feel worse all the time.

He’s gonna be working on a robotics project on his weekends now and that means we’ll barely see each other. I’m trying not to be so upset but I just am. Like at this point he’s my best friend and he’s not gonna be around.

I’m in so deep with this guy honestly just fuck me up. Every time he puts his arms around me or plays piano or cuddles with me on the couch I just melt. And literally none of it matters because he’s in no way interested.

Wow we are not thriving my parents ruined my future by not minding their damn business, ive been having existential crises for a few days now, and on top of it all, this boy had now become the object of my affections and i hate it so much

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Its Complicated.