The Dice Box

Stories, notes and inspiration for various RP projects, including Tombstone Blues, Chaotic Good Inc, Port Knowhere, Cupcake Coterie and more. Welcome to the Dice Box.

[dicebox]

Anyone who’s been watching my homebrew D&D campaign over on @cupcakecoterie might be interested in the following: I started doing little one-shots that give some depth and history to the game world I’m creating. Here’s the very first - a look at Egref twenty years before the Cupcake Coterie, and how students at the Egref Academy of Mathemagics earn special tutorial sessions with super special guest lecturers.

[dicebox]

The Farm

Then He said to them, “My soul is consumed with sorrow to the point of death.        Stay here and keep watch.” Mark 14:34  

There was a dull, dull pain where her heart had once been, and Jillian refused to relinquish it. It might have been some cold comfort to push it away, bury it deep, but she would not, even if that meant the pain throbbed as bitterly as it had that first night. A fire smoldered beneath, ever present, but she did not let go of that pain to reach for it. 

There should have been some small triumph after the false preacher had finally been put down, bitter it may have been, but she was only hollowed out. And now, with the darkness snuffed out, at least here, at least for now, there was not even a roaring fire in her heart to urge her onwards, to push her through her pain. There was only that quiet, lingering spark, waiting for the next day of vengeance, as it had been written. And even that she would not reach for. 

In the stillness of the night, she could not dare to let her thoughts stray from anything but Isaac, lest she lose the slightest detail of those memories. She twisted her eyes shut tight and tried with all of her weary mind to remember the feeling of him laying beside her. The warm breath and scratch of stubble on the back of her neck, what she would chide him for when he had forgotten to shave. The light pull of his arm at her waist, rarely ever tight or possessive, when he had never even fathomed the thought of a time when he would not be able to hold her. The press of his chest against her back, an ever present ward against the chill of the night. 

She had to think about that, rather than the black poison in his eyes, or the haunted pain that remained in his gaze after he had been cleansed. She had to think about him as he was, rather than what he had become, and what he had said of their home, and of their families. She had to think about what they'd had, rather than what fate she had left him to, left alone one last time.

It was the only thing Jillian could make the conscious effort to do in the stillness, until sleep might eventually, hopefully, claim her. She couldn’t simply will herself to stop mourning, to feel something else. The pain of loss, at least, was clearer than a pain of guilt, for how Isaac’s fate had been the result of her choices, and the blame towards Cassie that she would never put into spoken words. She was not so foolish as to not see that she stood at the precipice of that spiraling cycle of anguish. But if she thought of Isaac as he once was, there was some small comfort amidst the pain.

There would be a day when things were different. She was not so selfish as to think she was the only young widow in the world, that life would not go on even if she did not have her calling. But the slow drag of day across the emptiness of the wastes made the future seem so, so far away. Time was all she could ask for, even if she had struggled to say as much. Time was all that she could think might someday, one day, ease the pain, so far away that such a day might be.  

But the present night only crawled on even more slowly than the day. 

---

The long grass swayed with the currents of the wind, like the waves of the sea, or so Jillian imagined from what she had once been told of an ocean. For the first time that she could remember clearly, she did not feel the cold weight of a gun at her hip. As the wind whipped at the hem of her dress, she turned back to her home. Their home, where Isaac was waiting for her, sitting at the porch. He looked as he once did, young and bright eyed and beautiful. 

"This is a dream," Jillian said quietly as she sat beside him, and brushed at a strand of his hair blown astray by the breeze.

“Then it’s a good one, ain’t it?” Isaac said with a warm smile to her, unconcerned, nudging a finger along her cheek in turn. “Plenty of nights when I was dreaming ‘bout you, Jillie-doll.” 

Jillian smiled, despite herself, despite the pain that suddenly rose up sharply and threatened to hollow out her heart once more. “I don’t want to wake up, then.”

“You can’t live in the past, Jillian.” He said gently, his smile turning more solemn, his other hand hers with a light squeeze. “You can’t live in your pain.”

“The pain is all I have left of you.” Part of her wanted to cling to him, part of her feared that the dream would end if she tried to hold too tightly. The longer she looked at him, the more her chest ached, but she refused to turn away. 

“It’ll pass. I promise you, it’ll pass. But you’ll always have me.” His fingers trailed down to the locket at her neck. “You'll have more than just pain.” 

“I know. I- I am trying, God help me.” The halting reply turned to a sudden tumble of words with the snap of broken tension. “I am trying and- and it’s not enough for anyone- everyone is telling me and-”  Her voice finally broke with the rising sob, the sight of Isaac blurring with her tears. “I- I can’t, Isaac-” 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Before Jillian could think again of whether the dream might risk fading, Isaac’s arms were around her, and he was pulling her to his chest. “Jillian, it’s enough.”

“I can’t- I can’t just let you go.” She trembled against his embrace with a desperate relief, even as another choking, gasping sob soon followed as she buried her face against his shoulder.

“You don’t have to. No one is ever going to ask you to forget me.” Isaac said with his hand stroking along her hair, his breath warm on her skin as he held her close, as real as it had been in the memory she had forced herself to dwell on. “I sure as hell don’t want you to. But I want you to know that it will get better.” 

Jillian said nothing for a long while, slowly coming to a still as she rested against his chest. 

“Jillie-doll, there’s so much asked of you, but I need to ask one more thing.” Isaac said, eventually breaking the silence. “I need you to live for me.” 

“...Okay.” Jillian said quietly, muffled against his chest, even as she still clutched tighter at him. There was so much more she wanted to say to him. A hundred apologies, a thousand reassurances. 

“Please. For me.” Isaac said with a gentle insistence and nudge against her, as reluctant as she was to pull away.

But Jillian did, and he brushed gently at her tears. “I will. I promise.” She said with a heavy breath out, then falling silent again. There was so much more she wanted to say, but it was achingly clear in his eyes that she only had so much time left, and he couldn’t bring himself to ask her to leave. “Isaac... his name would have been Daniel.”

Pain was a distant thing for him, in this place, but it still flickered in Isaac’s eyes, even as he smiled and only nodded. 

Jillian stood, slowly, still holding his hand, inevitably lingering. 

“I know I’ll see you again, Missus Cain. You’re my home.” He squeezed at her hand a final time before he drew his touch away, her hand still outstretched to brush across his fingers in that last fleeting moment. 

She smiled, not brightly, but the hint of a spark was there as she spoke quietly. “Be seeing you, husband-of-mine.” 

Jillian finally turned away, but after only a few steps, she looked back. He was still sitting on the porch, and her heart ached with relief, even when she knew the sight would not last much longer. "I love you."

“I know.”

And that was all she needed to hear. She closed her eyes.

---

Jillian woke to wipe at the inevitable tears, but she didn’t weep further. It was still dark, but the sun was starting to creep across the horizon. 

The eerie silence of the wastes stretched out before her, save for the gentle whirring of machinery and steadily thumping footsteps of Muffin patrolling around the camp. 

The pain was still there. But it wasn’t so much a pressure as a weight. Yet another weight, but nonetheless one that would not break her. She was glad she did not bear all of those weights alone, but this one burden, this one was hers. She would cradle it, treasure it, and hold it tight. She had given up much, but in this, she would be selfish. She would not let it go, not yet. One day, but not yet. 

As the sun slowly rose, warmth started to push away the bitter chill of night, and Jillian rose to face the next day. 

[nogenderinthewasteland]

“video games linked to adhd” gee i wonder why ppl with adhd would be drawn to an interactive medium that fully engages your brain and gives your hands something to do at the same time. it is a mystery

[webbywill]

the way sir terry was spitting facts w this one

[picture id:

a picture of a paragraph from the book "Feet of Clay" it reads as follows:

"Vimes reached behind the desk and picked up a faded copy of Twurp's Peerage, or as he personally thought of it, the guide to the criminal classes. You wouldn't find slum dwellers in these pages, but you would find their landlords. And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions"

end id]

[unclefather]

[hyperewok1]

General: E, T, W. Remi: R, Y. Jillian: L, X. Nyomi: C, S. Harridin: B, Q

E. Excellent: Which of your OCs is the most virtuous?

It's hard to pick one martyr complex over another because that's my jam and all. Probably Nyomi, being a Jedi and all and having made a lifelong commitment of selflessness, and being a Jedi being something that she couldn't ever just retire from even if she lives through the end of the war. She's also been around enough to examine and try to be mindful of her flaws, being a Jedi also helping immensely with that.

T. Troubled: Which of your OCs is the most flawed?

Jerrica, because she is the one who decidedly doesn't have a martyr complex and isn't into any sort of hero business. She just wants her bloody vengeance and she already made a pact with an eldritch weirdo to get started on that.

W. Worst: What is your OC’s worst flaw?

All of the glorious, bloody wrath that Jerrica wants to bring down on those who wronged her, and any other less than kind thugs or nobles or whoever else gets in her way. She's not particularly concerned with much beyond that, save for Mina, and maybe for the rest of the crew as well.

Remi

R. Respect: What qualities does your OC admire in other people?

Honesty, bravery, loyalty, decisiveness.

Y. Young: How has your OC been influenced by their past? Are they a better person because of their past, or a worse one?

Better by way of her initial adventures with the Combine teaching her responsibility and the understanding of what's out there beyond the songs and stories. Also her parents did a pretty good job of teaching her to be a decent person in general.

Jillian

L. Loathe: What qualities does your OC loathe in other people? Do they tend to be judgmental of others, even when it isn’t warranted?

Jillian's calling is to be judgmental of others. But really, for obvious reasons, she loathes the sorts of people who judge in the name of God over ultimately petty and harmless matters or to otherwise make scapegoats of innocent people. So she's quite willing to bring harsh judgment on people who generally deserve it, and has seen enough to usually know who does or doesn't.

X. X-ray: Does your OC believe that they’re a good person? Would you consider them a good person?

Yes and yes. While scouring evil from the West is a pretty big picture goal, Jillian looks at it on a town by town basis, if partly because she doesn't have much of a way to learn about or worry about things that aren't directly in front of her, wandering around the land that she does with the others. She feels guilty over a few tough choices, but she still knows she's making the best of bad situations, and always trying very hard to ensure that the actual cause of those situations are resolved, even if she can't save everyone.

Nyomi

C. Child: Your OC encounters a crying, lost child. How do they react?

With her best effort at the minimal amount of maternal instinct she can muster to calm said child until she can find someone better suited to hand them off to.

S. Success: Describe a time your OC did something good, or was right when others were wrong.

Nyomi does good a lot, that's her whole job, though her predilection towards cynicism and violence isn't supposed to be right, even if she's still a great deal better than some others. Of course eight or nine times out of ten her cynical opinion about one Sith or another is probably right, and the application of violence on the appropriate people does help resolve things.

Harridin

B. Best: What is your OC’s best personality trait?

Easygoing, down to earth, focused on the small picture.

Q. Quirk: Does your OC have any (minor) bad habits? If so, what? (Biting their nails, sleeping in, procrastinating, etc.)

Smoking, mostly. Still trying to cut back on that.

[thessalian]

Cassie - 6, 8, 12. Alisaie - 9, 28, 43. Mychae - 29, 39, 38

Cassie

6. Do they have any frequent / recurring dreams?

Not particularly (not yet, anyway). Being a Seer tends to mean that dreams are just another target for Seeings, so unless there's something particularly long-term going on, reruns tend not to be necessary.

8. Are they a morning or a night person?

She's a farm girl. Mornings are good. She can manage nights if she needs to, but she's used to getting up with the sun.

12. What are they like when they’re angry?

Depends on the type of anger, but tends towards the quiet and sharp and focused.

Alisaie

9. What do they do to relax?

Fly and/or sit on top of a high place. Read, when she has a book available. Snuggle with Remi.

28. What would they change about their life?

Nothing at all. Sure, some bad stuff happened, but she can't guarantee that the good stuff would have happened if the bad stuff hadn't, so she'll keep the whole package.

43. What could be generally associated with them?

Wings and halos. Snow and winter. Music and dance. White gold and sunlight.

Mychae

29. Do they have a comfort food?

Not really. Mychae doesn't really think about food all that much beyond "I need it to live". There's stuff she enjoys, sure (roast bantha sandwiches, toaster waffles with peanut butter and slices of gor apple) but they don't bring her 'comfort' per se.

38. Do they have any odd personality traits?

Depends on what you consider 'odd'. She's of a mind that everybody is somebody else's weirdo, so what's normal for her is almost certainly odd to somebody else. There is her aesthetic - she actually prefers 'hodgepodge of mismatched stuff that somehow works' to an other aesthetic you could name, mostly because she figures it matches her personality.

39. What’s the weirdest habit they have?

Mychae is double-jointed in just about every joint she has, and thus any time she sits down anywhere, particularly on her own ship where she's comfortable, she'll sit in ways that look incredibly uncomfortable to anyone else but are just fine with her. For instance, if she's watching holovid on her ship, she'll avoid chairs altogether sometimes and be on the floor either in textbook-perfect splits or lying on her stomach with her feet resting on her head. (What Nyomi made of this during their two years on galaxy patrol, I have no idea.)

[hyperewok1]

50 (more, apparently) questions meme. For Remi: 23, 34, 50. For Jillian: 9, 31, 39, Jerrica: 12, 28, 49

Remi

23. What is the thing that makes them most uncomfortable?

Finding out how her parents met (okay not really, but it's up there). Also the Corruption.

34. How would they spend their day if left alone with no responsibilities?

Wandering around and idly exploring, ideally, especially if it's a city. Slightly less likely to explore if it's the wilderness since she would expect to get lost if she goes too far from the road, but she'd still be happy for the chance to just laze about for awhile if there's no pressing concerns.

50. What is the thing that would hurt the most if they lost it?

Alisaie, obviously, or certain gifts from her when it comes to objects.

Jillian

9. What do they do to relax?

Tending to her horse and otherwise going out riding. (Contemplating but like a slightly more positive form of brooding.) (Maybe) Clean her gun and other equipment.

31. What are they like when they’re drunk?

A good bit more relaxed and smiling, probably easier to get out of her shell, if still likely not that much more chatty.

39. What’s the weirdest habit they have?

Talking to God with the expectation of an occasional direct and literal answer would probably weird out most normal people.

Jerrica

12. What are they like when they’re angry?

Usually wanting to hit someone or something, glowering and moody, unless she has to restrain herself in front of Mina. Ideally, actually hitting the someone making her angry if Mina isn't there and the someone does actually deserve punching.

28. What would they change about their life?

Ideally, undo the last few weeks since Everything Started Happening, though that would still leave her on a whaling ship with a secret cult, so she might have to go back a bit farther than that to get her and Mina to relative safety. She'd rather be struggling to get by in Morley if it at least meant she didn't have to worry about cults and witchcraft and the Abbey.

49. How easily do they get attached to things?

Not particularly sentimental to objects, especially since now she's lost most of her previous things between being thrown overboard from her ship and not being able to return to Morley, though she probably kept a few things of Mina's from when she was a baby, but that's back at her parents' apartment.

[thessalian]

D&D Character Ask Game Thing: Alisaie: 4, 8, 25, 40. Cassie: 6, 7, 19, 20.

Alisaie

4. Who was their childhood hero?

She didn't really have a childhood hero. Where she grew up, out on the streets for the most part, she thought hearing about how other people did impressive stuff was nice but if she wanted an actual hero, she was going to have to be her own.

8. How does the sunrise make them feel?

By and large, hopeful. It means a whole new day to make the most of.

25. What is their comfort item/habit?

These days? Rubbing Remi's back and shoulders at the end of the day.

40. What sets them free?

Her wings, and her friends. Literally and figuratively, in both cases.

Cassie

6. Did they grow up with siblings? What were those relationships like?

Cassie grew up with older brother Brent and the young twins, Hank and Greta. There was a pretty big gap between her and the twins, and somewhat less of one between her and Brent, so it was Brent she was closest to. And of course, a lot of child-minding got outsourced to Brent and Cassie when Hank and Greta were born, so it was established pretty early on that Cassie and Brent were a team, and the twins were their responsibility as much as they were Louis' and Prudence's. Sure, there were the usual sibling squabbles, but not as bad as some can get, and mostly they just loved and defended each other, particularly when they seemed a little weird compared to the townsfolk. After all, with that bit of Black heritage, they didn't always get the best reception from the folks in town, so if they wanted friends and playmates, keeping it within the sibling unit was just safer.

7. How was their relationship with their parents/guardians growing up?

Similarly good. Prudence was as much Mom as anyone could want (though that's a bit ironic given that she's all but disowned Cassie for going off on Mission From God), and as for Louis ... even before he realised that Cassie had gifts, she was the one he was most honest with about what he used to do and why he did it. He never talked down to her, so any 'mature for her age' stuff can be put down to that.

19. How does the high noon sun make them feel?

Hot, mostly. Cassie doesn't exactly pin much to times of day beyond meals and rest periods, and midday was time for a quick lunch and either playtime with the twins or a nap out of the hottest part of the day when the farm was still going.

20. What did they dream of “growing up” to be?

Up until recently, she hadn't really thought she'd be 'growing up' at all, not deep down. Intellectually she figured that she'd marry somebody and be somebody's mom, because that's How Things Are Done, but if she was honest with herself, that was "if I grow up", not "when I grow up". And the only reason she is has a chance of growing up at all, never mind what she's now looking like growing up to be, is Jillian being permitted to revivify her.

[hyperewok1]

D&D Meme! Remi: 8, 17, 26, 39. Jillian: 10, 11, 25, 32. Jerrica: 9, 18, 27, 33

Remi

8. How does the sunrise make them feel?

Much warmer and content than it used to, with some more positive connotations these days compared to her past baker/mercenary lifestyles when she had those less pleasant reasons to be up at dawn.

17. How do they feel about snow?

Remi's not really a snow person. She still remembers trudging through the snow in armor that one time to find Alisaie. Also she grew up in the city where it thus had to be cleared away to actually be able to walk down the street, and thus she had to shovel around the bakery. And post-cleanup snow is just annoyingly dirty and piles up everywhere for the rest of the winter and then leaving cold slush everywhere for a further few weeks.

26. What is their evening routine?

Get out of the armor, making sure none of plates are wet or dirty (or bloody). Chill with Alisaie and receive shoulder rubs/snuggles/etc. Help Alisaie with her hair related evening routine.

39. If someone could tell them anything about the future they asked, would they want to know? Would they ask?

There'd be a great deal of internal wrangling to be had as to whether or not to ask if she and Alisaie would both make it through the Quest, but she'd probably end up passing because she wants to be sure they can both be ready to finish said Quest without that kind of distraction if it's not a happy answer.

Jillian

10. When did their childhood end?

When she killed a person for the first time, a cattle rustler that drew on her first, sometime when she was in her mid teens.

11. What were their teenage years like?

Not necessarily that different from her early adult years, because cattle needed watching and herding as soon as she was old enough to be out in the fields all day, it was just as she got a little bit older that she was going out with the team on the long route through the wilderness to herd them northwards to be sold each year. Also there was a whole bit of early teen years awkwardness between her and Isaac trying to figure things out before they started their relationship as they got a bit older.

25. What is their comfort item/habit?

Looking at her lockets' photos. Happier, simpler time and all that.

32. Do they have any expectations of how they might die?

With a gun in her hand, probably. Fortunately, in a terrible way, she's had other things preoccupying her from dwelling on getting mauled by that one creature who took her down with the first leap at her.

Jerrica

9. How do they like their mornings? Rainy and chilly? Bright and sunny? Not at all because they don’t wake until noon?

Very ideally not until noon, but bright and sunny would be a pleasant surprise between fog, smog, and other expected dour weather in Dunwall or Morley.

18. If they could live or visit anywhere, where would they go?

She likes the idea of Karnaca allegedly having an actually pleasant climate (minus the bloodflies, and minor issue aside of actually crossing the sea to Karnaca), but she'd settle for just about anywhere besides Dunwall . But she's gotta get her bloody vengeance on that cult first and also make sure none of them are alive to follow her or Mina.

27. Have they achieved any of their childhood dreams? Are they still trying? Have those dreams changed?

Well, she's not living with her parents anymore (#millenialgoals). On the other hand, she decidedly does not want to captain her own ship anymore. And of course she has to do the vengeance thing before she can once again consider how she'll ever make a more comfortable living for herself and Mina.

33. Where and/or with whom do they find peace?

With Mina, of course.

[hyperewok1]

For Remi - 19, 20, 37, 45, 47, 63. (Two of those because turnabout is fair play. :P)

What does your OC think of children- either in general or about having them? Not entirely comfortably, mostly because mothering never crossed her mind, since she was busy dreaming about more immediate term adventuring, and then actually getting into said adventures, but she’s not opposed to the concept of children. 

What kind of mother/father would your OC be? Hopefully less overbearing than her own mother, or at least making a concentrated attempt at that. Not that she would likely have any reason to worry overly much until they would get to an age where they could grow up and go out into actual danger. But still there'd probably a lot of work to figure out her balance between letting a kid explore and not letting them get into trouble.

What is your OC’s biggest dream? Saving the world and then going back home with Alisaie (and also the rest of the party).

What are some things that annoy your OC? Excessive formalities, extended debates, secrets, archfey, dragons.

How easily does your OC forgive? Varying by degree of the slight. She wouldn't have gone back to her mom after the whole minor incident with Alisaie if not for Ava's encouragement, though she obviously wasn't that angry at her since she was still willing to go for the hug, but otherwise she would have left that to stew until their next time in Belarys, probably unfairly given that was liable to be awhile. But she certainly wouldn't have held a longer grudge with her mother over it, and probably wouldn't have brought it up at all again without specific reason. And she wasn't exactly willing to forgive Carter, but in measuring up the initial slight versus the effort to resolve it in one way or another, she was willing to let it slide after just a light smackdown, if he hadn't made things even worse. And of course she's not going to forgive Lord Asshole, but she still would rather just kill him swiftly and be done with it, since there's a Quest going on that he's interfering with, and she's otherwise not terribly invested in any kind of karmic punishment, she just wants him off the play field once and for all.

How does your OC display love? Obvious sorts of physical affection, being at ease enough for her casual sense of humor, trusting Alisaie enough to not be overly protective in battle, very insistently learning how to do things with long hair.

[hyperewok1]

From the older OC meme! Remi - 1, 4, 16; Harridin - 6, 8, 14; Jillian - 2, 10, 15; Jerrica - 3, 13, 19

Remi 1: What’s something other characters will notice first about your character? Armor, height, youth, in one order or another, given that's all pretty apparent. Or the sword if she's summoning it, since summoning a masterfully crafted magic sword out of thing air is pretty flashy and probably more uncommon.

4: What would your character wear to a formal gathering such as a dance, a wedding, or a funeral? She's fine with wearing a simple and comfortable dress to a happy formal event, but probably some formal looking tunic and trousers for a more solemn affair. Or her freshly polished armor for a Combine funeral, or something else related to those sorts of duties.

16: What’s one memory that your character will always be fond of? The flight in the train station, naturally. Restoring the Heart of Star Coast for a non-romantic one.

Harridin 6: What kind of media would (or does) your character consume? This includes books, tv shows, video games, and movies. Space buddy cop shows, medical journals, Captain Republic holovids, whatever sort of music or other audio focused entertainment that Jallira enjoys.

8: If your character attended school, did they have a favourite or best subject? Biology leading into anatomy, thus eventually leading to medical school.

14: When does your character feel truly at peace? With Jallira and Ami, naturally. Also when he's really in the zone during a surgery.

Jillian 2: What’s your character’s aesthetic (things associated with your character)? Gunpowder, heavenly light, horses, fire.

10: Does your character have a particular way of talking or acting? With some sort of appropriate regional accent that I would definitely not attempt. Also generally evenly, if not quietly, she can only really manage a loud shout when she DOES THE THING. And of course usually with no more words than absolutely necessary.

15: What’s one thought, idea, goal, dream, or desire that your character is most ashamed of having? The tempting thought to leave Cassie behind and bodily drag Isaac away, various issues aside of the practicality and consequences of such a choice.

Jerrica 3: What outfit or style of clothing is your character most often seen wearing? Worn out, sturdy leathers and thick cloth. Fortunately the sort of clothing you need to wear to not freeze on the open sea is also nominally protective in a back alley fight.

13: What’s your character’s preferred method of self-care? The expected activities found in, in the backroom of, and behind the local pub, occasionally to the detriment of herself and/or whichever local goon looked at her the wrong way at some point that night.

19: What words would your character use to define themself? Mother, sailor, Morlish, damned bloody fool.

[dicebox]

Their mission as complete as they can make it, Jillian, Reba and Aloy (and Jillian’s new apprentice) return to the town at the edge of the Wastes to deal with the aftermath.

[dicebox]

Jillian, Reba and Aloy finally reach the church at the top of the hill, with their companion, to take on the devil-preacher and whatever backup he has. It turns out about as well as you’d expect.

[dicebox]

What a Word’s Worth

Grief, guilt and regret trump exhaustion every time, at least for awhile.

The replay of that fateful confrontation with Isaac replaying, over and over, in her mind, replete with “what I should have said”, “what I should have done”. Each a bullet in her own heart, more painful than the physical sort had been, once upon a long-lost time ago.

The Word was useless here. The Word wanted the corruption ended, the soul saved. The body seldom means much, in the face of eternity. Eternity doesn’t care about gentle, calloused hands or a small crooked smile, or a heart beating against a loving wife’s ear. This was not on the Word. Isaac’s salvation was at least partly to do with the Word, but his physical survival had been in her hands alone.

It had been the appeal to their married life together that brought Isaac forth from the mire of the thing he’d become, of the thing into which he’d been turned. The vision of a child - their child, the might-have-been, the would-now-never-be - was what had stirred Isaac’s true self far enough to the forefront to have the darkness seeded inside him go to murderous lengths to make that stirring stop.

Had there been another way?

She could have shown him the ring - his ring - where it hung next to her locket. She’d salvaged it from the wreck of the room where he’d been so terribly changed. She could have shown him that, could have told him why.

She could have shown him the locket itself, told him how she looked at their pictures every night, told him how his presence in the world gave her the strength to carry on, even as it weighted her heart to be so far apart from him.

She’d said she was his home. She’d said she was his wife. She’d said that everything she’d done had been for him. But had the words ‘I love you’ crossed her lips, even once?

They had not. Not even at the end. And even for a quiet sort of woman for whom actions spoke louder than words when The Word was not involved, that was probably a mistake. Possibly the mistake that had forced Cassie’s intervention. The girl hadn’t intervened right away, after all.

What all of this meant for Jillian Cain in the long run was a longer question than could be answered in a night. What it meant in the short term was self-recrimination, and more tears than any one woman should be obliged to shed. The Word was one thing, but sometimes it was the smaller words that mattered most ... and whose absence cut deepest.

[hyperewok1]

For Jillian: ♧ / For Remi: ☋ / For Jerrica: ♢ / For Nyomi: ✗ / For Harridin: ♤

♧ - Does your muse have any regrets about a battle or incident they had to fight in? Has it changed them? The one time where she shot all the puppeted townsfolk. There was probably nothing she could do, but she still had to look an innocent bystander in their dead eyes before the Word did its thing, because I really got the angst flowing in that story. Thus increasing the whole I Am The Only One Who Can attitude, though it was also a poignant reminder of the scale to which things can escalate for innocent bystanders.

I'm glad I sat on this one for awhile because now I can say she also regrets bringing Cassie to the showdown with Isaac, foresight be damned, but fortunately she has enough decency and/or guilt not to openly imply blame to her. She's still figuring out how that will change her.

☋ - Does your muse believe in the ‘brothers and sisters of battle’ concept, growing close to their fellows, or are they distant from others? Definitely so in her circumstances, given that the Combine wasn't too big and thus was easy to bond with, and of course the party is even smaller and it's even mire easy to bond when you're running around trying to save the world, and also just about everyone aggressively wear their heart on their sleeve.

♢ - What abilities does your muse possess that makes them an effective fighter? Decidedly not so righteous indignation, brutal grit, and lack of respect for human life, probably. She's keenly aware that life is cheap in the Isles and she really does not want to be the one whose corpse gets tossed in the river and/or eaten by rats. Also there's a lot of mama bear rage.

✗ - Has your muse ever been a victim of friendly fire or been betrayed during a fight? How did they react? Nyomi's surely had more than one close call of artillery blasts. I had a notion of a marine commander trying to sell her out to Zakuul that I never wrote out to any particular detail, but he probably didn't literally try to shoot her in the back in the middle of a fight, because he would most assuredly be smarter than that. She was really, really not happy about that one. 

♤ - Given a chance to learn and use a combat ability or magic they don’t possess, what would your muse choose? Harridin's quite happy to be Force blind, given the various responsibilities that entails, though in a world where he wasn't an increasingly middle aged man who was never obliged to train for intense combat in the first place, he wouldn't mind learning various martial techniques that help one avoid getting sabered when confronted directly with said saber (even if he's already aware that the first technique is 'don't let yourself get confronted directly with the saber').

[dicebox]

Jillian, Reba and Aloy make some plans, make some alterations to their kit, and make their approach to destroy the ‘preacher-man’ once and for all. Step one: take out the toad-demon.