What if shampoo is controlling our minds?
Think about it. If you were going to control the minds of the nation, how would you do it? You’d need a way to get into their heads. Right into their heads.
Looking back, my mind control theories had never quite clicked. TV and radio were way off. Too passive. Microwaves was a non-starter due to my dietary requirements. And vaping was close, but no cigar.
Either they worked and people had built a resistance to it, or they never worked at all. ‘They’ need something stronger now. Something more direct. Something chemical. I’m sure of it.
People go on about it being the water supply. Yawn. Point taken, but I drink water all the time and my mind is completely free and clear, so let’s consider that debunked right off the bat. And the tin foil hat thing? Doesn’t work. How can you rule out someone tampering with the tin foil?
I needed to dig deeper. I knew there was something missing. Something obvious. So I secluded myself for a week to think. I didn’t eat. I barely slept. I didn’t answer my mother’s calls from upstairs. I was scratching my head trying to work it out. And then it hit me. Why was I scratching my head?
Yes. In my week of seclusion I had developed a mild case of dandruff. So far, so normal. Whenever I scratched my head, a fine mist of white powder dusted my shoulders. And what was my first instinct? “I should wash my hair.”
Of course it was. It’s obvious now you know it. The answer hidden in plain site. Those sneaky fuckers. Those sneaky fucking fuckers.
I had been conditioned to use shampoo.
It made so much sense. Direct application of chemicals to the scalp, seeping into the brain, shackling our freedom. And what happens when you get shampoo in your eyes? It blinds you. Yes. Blinds you from the TRUTH.
I ran to the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of blue liquid from the shower and screamed. You traitor. You bastard. You sweet-smelling judas. Thought you could fool me, didn’t you? Ha ha. No more.
Down the drain I poured those eight bottles. Why did I have so much? A side-effect of the control mechanism I can only assume. And soon it was gone.
Weeks passed without using shampoo. At first, I’ll admit, my hair was pretty bad, particularly around the ponytail, but what was to be expected? I was going cold turkey. My follicles couldn’t handle the freedom. But soon, the natural oils began to return and so did my faculties. The fog was lifting. The suds were being washed from my eyes.
And it turns out hair is self-cleaning. What a surprise. It’s almost as if we don’t need shampoo.
Eventually, after a period of elation with my new-found mental capacity, I went public. I had to. People needed to know. So I toured the barbers and salons. I staged interventions in supermarkets. I even wrote to L’Oreal for comment, but their representatives insisted I “wasn’t worth it”.
I can only assume people want to be controlled. They need to be controlled. People can’t handle the truth. Not the real truth, anyway. They are sheep with shampoo in their wool, and the wool pulled over their eyes. And that stinging sensation? Well, the truth hurts.
So this is my plea to you. Next time you shower, think twice. Maybe thrice in bad cases. Unless the suds have already dulled your judgement, you can take back your mind. You can un-bung your thoughts.
Don’t submit to control. Free your mind. Don’t use shampoo.
janainaart
theartofmadeline
areudirty
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
gummygunk
annaxmalina
