Dickensian

Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it." Habakkuk 2:2

[dickensianchild]

I understand why Adam and Eve hid when they heard God in the garden. It’s one of those Sunday school stories that leave you confused, asking, “how could they run from God?” and declaring, “I would never do that.” But I understand the impulse. Because all I wanted to do was hide. Even after everything was over and resolved, I still wanted to hide. I was ashamed and embarrassed and I didn’t want anyone to see me. I felt like I had the scarlet letter in bold tattooed on my forehead.

When God was approaching Adam and Eve do you think He didn’t know what they had done? He’s all-knowing, so of course He knew. He knew what they had done and the future consequences of their actions. He wasn’t going to them to punish them, he wanted to be with them. This is something I’ve had to reconcile over the years: My shame is not His shame. My shame is a direct result of my own sin, but His love covers all of that. His love for me is not conditional, there are no strings. He made me, so He loves me. It’s that simple.

It’s easier said than done, believing that your sin is smaller than God, but nothing happens overnight. Trauma knocks your brain in a weird way and it takes practice and consistency getting your mind and emotions back to a balanced place. I have to remind myself, even now, there was life before everything happened and there was a time when I understood and believed even the basic promises of God and I can get back to that. We have to get back to that. If every morning you have to stand in front of a mirror and recite Romans 8:38-39 until you’re blue in the face and your voice is gone, then do it. Do it until you believe it, until you know it so well it feels like you wrote it. You have been bought and paid for with blood and there’s no return policy. God has you, so he’s keeping you and nothing can pry you from His hands.

[dickensianchild]

Then God Happened

Moses killed a man. Then he ran out into the middle of nowhere and tried his hardest to be anyone but himself. By the time he met up with God at the burning bush, he was 40 years removed from the biggest mistake and identity crisis of his life. He had a new job, new family, beautiful wife, and beautiful children. It was easy for him to settle into this new normal and be content with such a humble and obscure life. Then God happened. God wanted him to go back to the place of his greatest shame and do the impossible. Moses then did what any of us would do: he argued with God. Instead of being upfront with God, Moses came up with every excuse: He wasn’t all that important, no one would believe him, and he had a speech problem. For crying out loud! The last time he was in Egypt, he killed a man! But God was ready for every excuse and there was no changing His mind.

Nowhere in the charge given to Moses from God was there a mention of Moses’s past. He didn’t bring up any of his issues or his insecurities because He didn’t care. To God what we’ve done is relative, but not relevant. For him, it’s not even on our resumé. I think back to when God was pushing me towards Youth Ministry and I was fighting him on it because I was afraid of what would happen when people found about my past. I was afraid of having to tell my story and answer questions. I was afraid of remembering. I don’t like remembering. I don’t like going back to that place. When you tell people the “what” of your testimony, inevitably people will ask “how.” My “how” is filled with pain, depression, and a deep self-loathing.

Moses was a prince, he was royalty. Rescued from a desperate situation, he landed in the arms of the Pharaoh’s daughter and she called him her son. He had everything; he wanted for nothing. By divine intervention, he avoided the struggles of his people. Then he killed a man and tried to hide it, and nothing stays hidden for long. Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight.” The very next day, Moses was called out by a Hebrew slave, so he ran before Pharaoh could kill him. For forty years, this thing sits on Moses’s chest like a elephant, but God looks past it as if it’s not even there. I thought I could do the Youth Ministry thing and avoid telling my story, but God put me in a situation where I had no choice but to write out my story and send it to my Youth Pastor.

When you look in the mirror what do you see? Who is your reflection. Moses saw a murdering fugitive with a speech problem, but God saw a baby boy born to a Hebrew woman and raised by an Egyptian Princess. He saw a man who could understand the plight of the Hebrews and a man who was too familiar with Pharaoh to fear him. Moses killed a man and ran from Pharaoh, sparing his own life. Who better to teach the Hebrews captives how to escape the reach of Pharaoh than Moses? For the longest time I felt like a nintendo game. I lost a life and I had to start from the very beginning. No skills, no tricks, no trades, no power-ups. Life had found my reset button and I didn’t know how to function. Being reset to factory settings isn’t too far-fetched of a metaphor because I had gotten so far off track I couldn’t see the path in front of me. Over the years, I’ve had to rethink how I see my greatest failures and reconcile that my darkest hours are written into God’s perfect timing. My mess doesn’t disqualify me from being used by God. Instead he’s using all the broken pieces to aid in someone else’s deliverance. You don’t need to be perfect, having done nothing wrong and doing everything right, to be used by God. You just have to do what Moses did. He showed up and he was willing. It took him a minute, but he was willing.

[dickensianchild]

In this time of trouble and struggle, I have to tell myself that as long as I'm breathing God isn't done with me. He hasn't forgotten me. He loves me. He adores me. I am His. He has a purpose and a plan for my life and He created and molded me for His glory to bring Him glory. The best is yet to come.

[dickensianchild]

Have you ever been loved by someone who knew every dark thing about you and didn't seem to care? We're not all-knowing like Jesus, but he sometimes will give us an insight, a peak behind someone's mask. To be trusted with that kind of knowledge is no small thing and how you respond says everything about who you are. If God allows you to see someone beyond what your eyes can see and you don't feel compassion or a sense of urgency, then there might be something wrong with you.

John 4 is such a beautiful picture of love. As far as the Samaritan woman knew, this random Jew didn't know her from Adam. She knew he was kind to her and was willing to look past their cultural differences. I wonder what it must have felt like to realize that this man knew who she was and all of her sin and he waited for her anyway. He took the road no Jew traveled for her sake. That's love. Where do we lack compassion? Have our hearts hardened to the plights and struggles of others because we're too busy settling in our own self-righteousness? Are we becoming more like Jesus or more like the people of Samaritan who shunned the woman. Do you think you're too good, too light, to be bothered or touched by someone's darkness? The light of heaven stepped off his thrown and walked a dark and dying earth. If you're not taking the light inside you to dark places, you're wasting it. That's like throwing a blanket over a lamp and hoping it still serves its purpose. Whatever God gives you is not for you to selfishly consume, and the people God places in your life, the broken people wrestling with their own darkness, are not to be wasted. Even the flesh and blood the Father gave the Son was not his to keep.

[dickensianchild]

Though The Doors Were Locked...

Post-resurrection Jesus appeared to all of his disciples except Thomas. Thomas was a little late to the party, and when they told him they had seen Jesus in the flesh he didn’t believe them. He told them what many of us say about Christianity: “I need to see for myself.” Jesus didn’t come to them again until about a week later:

Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” John 20:24-27

Two things in this passage rock my world:

1.)    I can imagine Thomas sitting amongst his friends for eight days listening to them talk about seeing a risen Jesus not believing a word they’re saying and frustrated because he didn’t see it himself. I can imagine his aversion to hope, his refusal to have faith because he’s not interested in another broken heart. After all he’s seen, I get his doubt because he’s only human and we can only take so much. Jesus gets it, too. After a polite hello Jesus doesn’t give a word to the group, he doesn’t breakout into a mini sermon. Before he says a word about anything to anyone else, he addresses Thomas. The very sight of Jesus, plus the testimony of his peers, would have been enough for Thomas to believe, but Jesus gives him exactly what he asked for. He lets him touch the marks in his hands and in his side. He gives Thomas what we all want: a personal encounter, an all five senses experience. He’s not a corporate God, he’s a personal God.

2.)    Twice John mentions the doors being locked, the first time in verse 19 and the second time in verse 26. They kept the doors locked because they were afraid of the outside getting in. When Jesus appears to them, he doesn’t knock first. He doesn’t blast the door open. He simply appears in the room. The disciplines have shut themselves in and Jesus shows up in the middle of their fear and doubt and heartbreak and gives them peace. The very sight of him is peace. God does not need an invitation, nor does he need permission. Whatever walls you’ve built around your heart or in your head, he will appear in the middle. He won’t wait for you to ask or cry out. When you’re afraid, he responds. When you’re doubting, he responds.

[dickensianchild]

Valleys are low areas between two mountains or hills, often with a stream or body of water running through the middle. Of the many lessons God has taught me this year, this is the most valuable: enjoy the valley while it lasts. Enjoy the open skies, the flat terrain and the fresh water. Enjoy the view of the mountain you just crossed and the mountain God’s preparing for you. Rest while you can and take a deep breath. The sun overwhelming your senses is a good thing; the isolation is to your benefit. We’re made in the image of a God who is always moving, so it’s no surprise we call the stillness of the valley a bad thing.

He brings us to a low place to give us a period of rest and preparation. Often times valleys are one of God’s hiding places. Be content in the valley, but don’t get too comfortable. When crossing through a valley, walk the width and not the length. A valley is simply a pit stop between two mountains, not a place to grow roots. Any blessing can turn into a burden when you take it before God says you’re ready or you hold onto it long after God says it’s time to let go. When you walk the length of a valley you risk falling into a depression and it makes it that much harder to get out. So rest when God tells you and move your feet when it’s time to go.

[dickensianchild]

Speak

God created the world with the sound of His voice; and if we are created in his image then we need to come to terms with the power of our own speech. Words have the power to build people up. God calls us to encourage one another and speak life over each other. Often times he will give us a specific word to give someone to help them in an area of their lives. Never neglect a task God gives you because you think you don’t have enough courage to complete it.

It’s a beautiful thing to be trusted with a word from God, so don’t make a mistake in thinking an act of spoken obedience isn’t a blessing for you. Words also have the power to cut people down. Words are like needles. You can use them to cause scars or you can use them to mend wounds. Be careful not to speak out of anger or frustration, and do your best not to speak just to be heard. Sometimes it’s wise to be silent, and it’s imperative we know when it’s time to speak and when it’s time to listen. It’s hard to hear and absorb necessary information when you’re making too much noise. God’s personal favorite is when we use our voices to offer a word of praise. Never miss an opportunity to praise God for who He is, what He’s done, and what He will do. (originally posted on Elevation Outreach)

[dickensianchild]

Redemption

[dickensianchild]

Victory

Our God is a leader by whom we should set our standards. He doesn’t cast a vision then kick back on His throne with his feet up, hoping we understood the instructions. He’s with us every step of the way, from the appointment to the celebration, even in the preparation and training in the middle. In those moments when we start to doubt ourselves and Him he encourages and corrects us. Whatever it is He has called us to do He will lead us to victory because He doesn’t lose.

Victory isn’t just an outcome of war, it’s an attribute of God’s character. God is victorious, and because He is so are we. The victory is always with Him because He will never leave us in a situation where we don’t need Him. Your task will always be bigger than you, but never bigger than Him, In the beginning you’ll always feel inadequate, so take the opportunity in the middle to get to know the gifts, talents and strengths God has deposited in you. Be encouraged in whatever battle (big or small) you’re facing because it’s already been won and you will see the victory. 

We can’t let what’s presently in front of us become a hindrance to our faith. While the reality of our present situation may seem chaotic, impossible and out of control that doesn’t negate His promise of victory and deliverance. We get so caught up in the short-comings of our own strength we forget how big and strong our God is, that everything we’re not he is. Even when we feel like nothing he’s everything, and his grace and strength is sufficient. The bottom line is if He’s given us a task then He will see it to completion and we need only to listen to Him and be obedient as He takes us from one step to the next.

There is victory in our own self-destructive messes. Even when we dig our own holes with a shovel we couldn’t afford, He is quick to jump in with us and lead us out. You made it out before the enemy could bury you alive? That’s victory. Whatever image you have of victory, delete it from your mental database. When you see the victory it will not be as you imagined because it is in God’s nature to blow your mind.

If the battle is already won, then why bother including us at all? Because it’s one thing to praise God for someone else’s testimony, it’s something else entirely when it’s our own story. When we reflect on the sights, sounds and smells of God’s victories in our lives it brings about an honest praise. And how can we properly praise Him for getting us through if we’re not walking and wandering somewhere between the word he spoke and the promise fulfilled? In the middle of the mess, stretch your faith and praise God for the victory you can’t see. Pray for strength as you do what He has called you to do. Press on knowing that God is with you and He’s in complete control, and He will be nothing less than glorified.

(originally posted to Elevation Outreach)