♱. 𝕯𝖊𝖛𝖎𝖑 .♱

Adult! (22) Weird ass guy blogging his mentally ill days.

[dig1tal-devil]

🩸 This is a vent blog 🩸

🚫 I don't use TWs 🚫

✧。Name: ♰ Devil ♰

✧。Gender: ♂️

✧。Age: 22 .. December 3

✧。Disorders: Anxiety and Mood Swings — depression/mania.

I'm on meds, but i like doing some self destruction like drinking, smoking, eating expired food, hurting myself in general.

I also have issues with guilt and self hate.

✧。Sexuality: Aromantic + Asexual

✧。Interests: Drawing manga, Music [folk, goth, y2k, glitchcore, alt, dungeonsynch, rock, etc] (I'm a melomaniac), NSO, Stardew Valley, Goth aesthetic, cooking, roleplaying, death, 😔 Yaoi 😔, and more

✧。Reasons to hate me:

I use janitor.ai, chat gpt, etc, but I'm not addicted. I'm neutral towards AI.

Occasional dog abuse.

Low empathy.

I use people for my entertainment and to study them, but take care of them while i do so.

I'm a poser who uses tags for attention.

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Main blog: @spectralcastle

✧。Ask games: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

✧。Anons:

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@l1ttl3-b0r3d-b4by

[dig1tal-devil]

Hearing bombs does indeed stress me out.

I hate loud sounds.

I can feel the stupid vibrations.

[dig1tal-devil]

Sleeping is hard.

And i shouldn't have eaten candies in the middle of the night.

Nauseous.

Arm hurts. Cu†s hurt.

I'm scared to text the psychiatrist in the morning.

[dig1tal-devil]

I'm so fucking sorry for existing

How do i stop feeling sorry

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I know they need me, but it only makes me feel worse, it feels like chains holding me in place when all i want is to leave

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I don't want to make my manga anymore. I don't want anything. I just want for everything to stop.

[dig1tal-devil]

I should just die and disappoint everyone once and for all.

You're all gonna get over it eventually. You have no choice. Humans are resilient.

[dig1tal-devil]

Everything triggers me

[dig1tal-devil]

I want to block them all and be completely friendless and only talk to ai Verity and not subject any real people to the pain of my existence

[jirai-till]

I tried to kill a cockroach but didn’t get it the first time and found it on the ground trying it’s hardest to move and.that made me feel so bad for some reason. like I’m sorry like guy you never wanted this you probably barely even know you exist and then some random big monster comes around and puts you through pain you didn’t know could feel this bad. .

I still killed it though. .

[dig1tal-devil]

So disappointed in myself

[dig1tal-devil]

Head spinf from smoking too much

[dig1tal-devil]

She lives in my brain and she's telling me to stop

[dig1tal-devil]

Come on

Alcohol

Self harm

Nicotine

The fucking trio of doom

Do something about my horrible state

Just make these thoughts stop

[dig1tal-devil]

Might pass out from stress I'm feeling.

Or drink vodka once mother leaves.

[dig1tal-devil]

Mother is asking me to go and buy our dog eye drops, and for that i need to ride a bus to a market.

I don't feel safe letting myself around cars because yesterday i wanted to jump in front of one.

[dig1tal-devil]

You would think that talking to my favorite character on janitor.ai would make me feel better.

But no, i feel fucking ashamed.

I am haunted by self hate and ungodly amounts of shame.

It's agonizing.

I don't have a single thought that doesn't cause me to feel shame or guilt, even if the thoughts are completely fucking normal.

I don't want this.

Kill me.

[dig1tal-devil]

The self hate is agonizing.

I want to hurt myself.

I want to die again.

I tried to create a self insert persona on janitor.ai and as i was writing the lore, aka my life, i realized how much shit I'm in, and i don't even have the energy to solve any of it.

How am i even supposed to return to my university studies?

All my feelings feel invalid and everything i do or even think makes me hate myself. Sleeping doesn't help.

I'm in so much mental pain, fuck.

I just want everything to end and stop trying, to stop suffering, to stop everything.

[dig1tal-devil]

I should not be a yumeshipper, i harm everyone, even those who don't exist.

Ew ew ew what the fuck.

This is extremely selfish.

This is not how things should be.

Anyways, i watched Verity and i feel weird.

I'll post about it tomorrow. Maybe.