The First of Many
starting with an introduction is how many of my favorite stories start, and since to you this is the story of my new (ironically) independent life; perhaps i should start with one as well.
my name is Darcy Bo, a name i chose myself and am comfortable sharing with so many of you because ... well,
the because is a complicated thing.
today is the first day of my life. the first day the perpetrators of my misery will no longer challenge me, the first time i can put words to page and know that if i want to i can just block whoever decides to be rude, unlike a few days ago where i at my ripe age still had no choice but to sit and listen.
there is a moment in many; where you feel the numbness of that familiar pain when they speak to you, you think to yourself that its never been physical so its okay. but its not. then you spiral into yourself and begin to cry.
and what else would that reaction bring to your loving father and mother than more frustration and yelling? of course its your fault the situation isn't de-escalating right? Right?
a few days ago i finally thought "wrong".
after years of being denied my family medical history, denied access to mental health care, family history or even basic affection, i was given an out. though in the worst way i think.
i was told they are sick and tired of trying.
and though i knew that trying for them meant "the phone works both ways" i still took a moment to think this time; if my own parents were claiming they are giving up on trying to be in my life despite never actually being available and constantly insulting my partner, way of life, interests, appearance, choice to have a pet etc. then why can i not say exactly the same and just see what happens?
so when they texted that to the family group chat i knew this was possibly the beginning of the process of ending our relationship permanently. its tradition at this point!
for most of my upbringing i was not allowed to know the family drama because i (once) answered a question my grandmother asked about my mothers social life. which later resulted in her taking away my social life for the month of several friends birthday parties (i was 7).
but i was shown family photos to know who i should know the names of and what NOT to bring up around them. something i had to ask happen to avoid another mistake. (again, i was 7)
i take a pause here to acknowledge that in my life i am quite privileged to have a roof over my head, the access to food in my stomach and enough resources to keep the electricity on. but the grass is always greener and i do wish i was able to enjoy the childhood my peers did without the physical and mental health issues that are caused directly by situations of my youth. that could have been avoided
a vague beginning for context
German woman meets Greek man one summer, she moves from her family like her mother before her and her child after her, but she leaves country not city.
they have a fiery relationship full of argument and language barrier and then leave country again to have me, her firstborn.
she returns home to her mother to take her help, reconnects like her mother before her and her mother before that. not her child after her.
we move across an ocean, they are unprepared for the lack of support here, we're fine financially for a while, and then thanks to their teenage child obsessed with social programs and volunteering gain a house for low income families.
the child struggles, the child begs for help, the child begs teachers and calls support but nothing works.
the parents feel their grasp slipping, the mother gets pregnant, the child is assumed permanent nanny.
the child gets in trouble for getting a job, keeps it anyway, begins packing their room up one box at a time for a year, the child saves from their weekend job, child barely graduates, child later finds out they are one of only 30.3% of their type of people to graduate at all.
child moves out with first person to show them love apart from grown men online and THRIVES. they finally have friends, they have a good job, a partner and his family is amazing, they begin forgetting how bad their childhood was, and begin forgetting how to respond the way they were taught to respond.
then one day. they help their mother in law move her spinster aunt into a retirement home and hear that she only knew the possibility of fully being herself a few years prior. and then she passed.
the day after, my mom and dad said the effort of keeping up with me is too much, and the day after that i am a stick in the mud trying to sprout my own family tree.
i hope you enjoyed my vague life story and decide to stick around
a few final cliff notes if it wasn't apparent;
My writing is intentionally whimsical, english is my 4th language, i love riddles!
i am vehemently against AI and the consequences that come with it including it screwing over my artist boyfriend
why? https://www.unep.org/news-and-stories/story/ai-has-environmental-problem-heres-what-world-can-do-about
the social and economical impacts on artists as companies and individuals misuse generative ai to replace jobs in these industries are leading to the end of fun and colors without uncanny mistakes.
