The thing about being in Love is, everyone knows what a ride it can be. That roller-coaster, as everyone refers to is, is well-known for it’s ups and downs. People talk often about how difficult it can be to Love someone with mental health issues. Loving and caring for someone who had depression, PTSD, Bi-polar disorder, anxiety, has many challenges. There are challenges that come with it you may not see in a more typical relationship. But, I haven’t seen many people talk about how difficult it is to be in Love with someone when you’re the person struggling with mental health issues. Today, I’d like to talk about what being in Love may feel like for someone who battles anxiety. Of course, everyone’s experience is different. There are those who may have it far better, or far worse than me. However, I’m going to speak specifically from my perspective. It’s difficult to say the least. Each day, which is already a battle against yourself, turns into an even more intense war to fight. You fight it harder than you ever have before, because you want the people you Love to be proud of you, and not to see you struggle. Those people encourage you to be a better version of yourself. They instill in you the desire to stamp out those irrational thoughts more fiercely than you ever thought you could. But, with this new-found fervor also come many more struggles that weren’t there before, and old struggles that have become more difficult. Each day is a new trial. You may know deep within you that they truly Love and care about, but those awful thoughts creep in, even when you’re at your most confident, and tell you that you’re wrong. You may have no evidence to support that evil little voice, but it will not rest it’s case. Each time they reach out to you to help you, you are grateful for awhile, then the panic sets in. The panic that you have done some horrible misdeed that makes you appear as a burden to them, or uncaring towards them, or that they doubt you love them. No matter how many times you have expressed your unconditional love for them, anxiety tells you that you need to again. Maybe they forgot? Maybe you hurt them and didn’t realize it? Maybe those days you spend isolated for your own health have become too numerous for them to handle? Maybe they’ve finally realized how imperfect you really are, and always will be? Anxiety will cause you to doubt your partner, even when your logical mind trusts them above all others. Anxiety will cause you to repeat to the point of redundancy how much you cherish them. Anxiety will cause you to need almost constant reassurance that your partner is still here for you, even on days when nothing has happened to make your logical mind believe otherwise. Yes, we all know that it’s not easy for your partner. But, they’re here for you now. They know you. They accept you. And, most importantly, the still Love you. There may be days when all you know how to do is cry because you’re so confused. Your self-esteem will get low again, and you’ll wonder why they’re here for you at all. You’ll wonder when they’re going to leave you. You’ll wonder if, in their heart and mind, they already have. You may get so overwhelmed with emotions; your Love and appreciation for them, your fear that they won’t always be here, your amazement that they’ve stayed so long, your self-doubt. Even with all the tribulations, the bad days, the doubt, the panic, there are good days. The good days shine like a beacon for you to reflect on during the dark times. Days when you can successfully push those doubts away. Days when even those misgivings you have are not enough to dampen your happiness with each other. Days when you are able to relax, and simply bask in the warm glow that Love will cast upon you. Perhaps I’m the only one who feels this way, although I doubt it. In my opinion, those good days are worth any amount of pain, confusion, and fear that one may have. Finding someone who will be there for you even on the worst days is the most powerful weapon against those doubts one can have. Even with all the new difficulties that come with it, nothing is more worthwhile.
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