So, as I sit here at 12:08 am. Packing my boxes to leave this place, with my roommate in the other room studying for her last exam, I realize how much I’ve changed.
I probably spent 30 mins before I even started packing, just sitting on my floor crying. I’m going to miss this place. I have learned some of my most valuable lessons here. Many of which...were not learned in a classroom. I learned that I am capable of handling a lot more than I could imagine. I also learned that sometimes you need someone to lighten the load, and it’s okay to be vulnerable. There are a lot of things I would change if I could go back, but I can’t. I’ve learned to accept them and realize they made me who I am today.
A really good friend of mine said to me today, “I know you’re sad. I know you’re going to miss this place. But things are going to be different. Your starting a new chapter, it’s kind of bittersweet”.
And that’s exactly it, bittersweet. I’m going to miss my roommate’s 12 am cha time, I’m going to miss going to Taylor G (that’s a lie no I’m not) and the Timmies line (that’s also a lie, I’m never drinking Tims again).
If I’ve learned anything in the last 4 years, it’s that nothing is guaranteed in life. You won’t always be the top of your class, you won’t always be in love with that one person, and you won’t always know what you’re doing. And that’s okay. The only thing certainty in life, is uncertainty, and as a control freak, that used to drive me absolutely crazy. The truth is you’ll make mistakes, you’ll fail, you’ll fall. Things will be a mess, and sometimes you’ll believe that this just isn’t for you. That you weren’t cut out for this life. Remind yourself, diamonds are only made under pressure. Whatever it is that you want to achieve in life, it won’t be easy. Doesn’t mean you aren’t cut out for it. Because anything worth having is never easy. This applies to school, love, friendships, careers etc.
This blog was made because I went through an extremely terrible time in 2nd year. My mind seemed to be enshrouded in darkness and my soul had convinced me there was no way I could keep going on. A friend convinced me to make it, and I’m glad I did. It kept the darkness in check, gave me a distraction. Became a sort of outlet where I could let it out.
However, as I sit here 2 years later, with my walls bare and my desk empty, in the room I wrote my first ever post, I realize that the darkness doesn’t need to be kept in check anymore. It’s still there, but I can control it now.
I’m a firm believer in fresh starts. And that in order to start a new chapter of our lives, we need to close the old one. So, with that being said this will be my last post on this blog. Maybe some day I’ll make a new one. Maybe not. I’m going to leave it active because I’d like to keep those memories.
I’m excited to close this chapter, and move on to the next. I don’t know what it holds, but whatever it I shall be greeting with an open mind and an open heart.
To all my followers who actually read my post, I just want you to know that whatever it is that has you down right now, school, your love life (or lack there of) or your family it gets better. Your most important relationship is with you. Foster that, and everything else will fall into place.
Never let the world tell you your dreams are irrational, never let them tell you that your heart is too pure. Its the dreamers that have the nerve to imagine a better world, and the kindhearted who make it a better place to live in.
So, Stay gold Ponyboy. Stay gold
