𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖑𝖎𝖐𝖊 𝖜𝖎𝖓𝖊

[dimoriire]

               independent, semi-selective, oc multi! loved by maleficar/vesper (21+ & CST)

ACTIVITY : low-ish, just revamped ! LINKS : carrd promo

[heljarkyn]

                                                  ʜᴇʟᴊᴀʀᴋʏɴ :                                         A harlequin oc with fandom verses.                                               Penned by Maleficar/Vesper.

[dimoriire]

do u guys think about world's fastest transition ever thats emrys to me

[vierandancer]

Oh, no. She'd made him sad. That wasn't her intention! Damn it, now she felt bad.

"No, no, dinnae apologize. It's fine!" She waved her hands, dismissive. "Is no yer fault. Eorzeans've been through... a lot, so s'fair that they're leery o' anyone that doesnae look familiar. I still get stares from time tae time, if no one's e'er seen a dancin' rabbit afore," she gestured to her own ears. "S'just how it be!"

[dimoriire]

It's a dismissal that at first he feels is only obligatory, that is up until the mention of her own issue with being... unexpected. Depression lifting for a moment, suppose he had also never seen a dancing rabbit before... And that wasn't a bad thing. He wasn't scared, or anything like it seeing her- well other than being a bit anxious prior, but that was more so out of fear of causing problems !

❝It's been like this for years now.❞ Moving a hand to reach up and touch a short horn atop his head. ❝Cause of these things. I don't like them either, but I don't think they're that scary.❞

[solarisligatus]

She's silent for a moment - several.

What was she supposed to say to that? How could she possibly relate when she didn't know the first thing about what he was going through?

For all the answers that she had and all the advice she could give, she was lost here. Unsure of what exactly to do. What she should say. How did she help him with things he'd struggled with his whole life?

"I don't know, my love. I really don't. I would say go with what makes you happy, but even that feels... hard when you admit these things to me. I don't know how to help in that regard and i wish that I did. I wish I knew the perfect thing to say to assuage your fears, but I can only offer what I already have."

She shakes her head with a soft sigh.

"I wish that I had all the answers for you, I really do. I wish I could make it easier."

[dimoriire]

❝There isn't any way. I'll have to live like this for the rest of my life, but I'm fine with that fact. Even as I grow worse, I know that the people I care for and love don't think me a monster. Though it can be hard at times, I can endure it now. Before it was hard, I wasn't seen as my own person, I was your son or a monster- sometimes both, but that's no one's fault but their own.❞

There was no harbored hard feelings, certainly not towards his mother, but at the time it was the worst feeling in the world some days. Now he could see that it didn't matter, that so long as he thought of himself well enough, that people he cared for thought of him as only Kitty then it was fine.

❝I didn't get to understand that until a few years ago. I guess that's another thing I worry over. Will she have to deal with the same ? Will people see her as her own person, or will she resent it when they don't ? I shouldn't worry about it, not now, but I can't help but think about it.❞

[solarisligatus]

"No, no still. Besides, you're not going to tell him I said it."

Another soft laugh at the thought. He was almost like a puppy when one were to think about it. Who could really deny Aymeric something as simple as that? Certainly not Jubibi. At least, not when in his actual company. Only when she needed to for official purposes.

Her gaze turns away from him as she rubs at her arm. Not the sort of answer she'd expected from him. Not about this.

"Truthfully, I never wanted to think much on it. I had heard stories, but back then... back then everything felt justified to an extent."

And then she had been just like them in a way. Hating the dragons for what they'd taken from her. Everyone had hurt during the war. Everyone had lost. Yet - those poor souls who sacrificed themselves... they'd never get to see that things could've been different.

"I know that I'm the one who brought it up, but - these sorts of heavy conversations are hard on me lately. Thinking about what we've all been through... I know that they're getting better, but it hurts to think about how horrid things were... how they could've gotten worse if we had never taken that step or - or found out what we did."

[dimoriire]

Ends justify the means, that was something he heard many times. Something he too believed in before opening his eyes.

❝It is a difficult topic. Knowing the things that happened before, knowing who you were before, but I find it easier to make peace with it by recalling.❞

A hand raising to rest upon the front of his hip, resting, feeling for the crystals that had been placed there. If it weren't for those dreadful things...

❝Had I not been made to test experimental solutions I would've believed it to the end. I would've let a desire for revenge claim me like the commanders willed. Though mine is gone now, I don't think I can ever have it within me to forgive him. To take young traumatized children and constantly force them to remember it, to fuel their hatred, to expose them to the source of those traumas over and over, to do all that with a smile on their faces thinking they're right... No one like that deserves forgiveness or peace.❞

[lovesfolly]

     “ It just feels wrong not to. ”

     Not to mention the others would have their head if they didn't. Not that understood why he was different - but it was certainly appreciated. It made them feel warm in ways they hadn't before. Not that the fever made it obvious how that feeling factored in, but still.

     “ You say bare minimum, but you are the only one that puts any care into my well being. ”

     Surely he had to know that. Had to be aware of the fact that the others didn't care for Shoi-Ming. Of the fact that they hurt them, even. Yet, they wouldn't bring that up, just hand over the cloth now that he'd asked for it.

     “ I apologize for any inconvenience I've caused, preceptor… ”

[dimoriire]

A quiet "ugh" given in response to the mention of his "title", still unwilling to fully accept that was his role to be given. It's not like he was an actual advisor, and if the others and their actions showed anything he didn't want to be. Disgusting is what it was, and the fact that he was the only one that showed the- again- bare minimum of interest into their wellbeing was even more so.

❝I have a name, use it.❞

Better to be called an ill omen than something revolting. Reaching into the pot to soak the rag for a moment before wringing it back out.

❝If it was a bother I wouldn't be doing it. I'd rather tend to a sick person than have to deal with explaining bare basic tactics to people that should already know how to hold their own.❞

[dimoriire]

YOU ! LOOK AT LIBRA NEOW !

[dimoriire]

"Kitty." Bunny has grabbed one of his partner's sleeves and stands there. Those glassy black eyes stare up at him, expression as unreadable as it ever is. "I want a kiss."

Ever quick to snap his attention away and onto his partner, one might think he was tracking prey of some sorts. Though really between the two of them it'd probably be the other way around if it ever came to it... But that's not the point ! A questioning "yes ?" given before he's tilting his head to the side.

❝You...❞ Eyebrows knitting together as he looks around. ❝Now ? But there are people around.❞

People he says, with a tinge of nervousness, as if the "people" in question weren't just one odd straggler a bit of a ways away. It wasn't ever a matter of affection, or care, but seemingly one of awkwardness. There were problems with those... public displays of affection after all, wasn't there ?

@solarisligatus.

[solarisligatus]

"Expect things from her? My love, there's little that a name can do to give people expectations. Unless you're saying I had high expectations set on me from when I was born because of my name, hm? Or any of our other friends? If those are ones you like, then they're worth giving to her."

Ah - this came down to that more than anything it seemed. His own nature and how that could affect his child. She takes in a deep breath and reaches to rub at his arm once more. It can be daunting, being a first time parent. Being a parent at all, really. Everything can feel so hard. Like you're having the entire world on your shoulders.

"Kitty... whatever name you give her, it only matters what you and Bunny think. Your her parents and what others think doesn't matter at the end of the day. Those who love you and her will see only a bright and happy baby girl. Not someone with expectations on her shoulders or someone less than. They'll just see the love."

[dimoriire]

❝But it doesn't, I would know.❞

Yes, the love mattered the most, but the opinions of others did weigh heavy at times.

❝I can do many things. Help people. Protect them. Save them. But what always comes up regardless ? What I am. How I scare people by simply being around.❞

Something he had dealt with from the very moment those horns began to show, how his nails turned to claws, how his eyes began to change. It was easier now, but as a child ? It felt like everything was going to suffocate him, that because he was different he shouldn't be allowed to leave without someone beside him keeping watch.

❝That will always affect her, and if I choose wrong it will weigh on her as well. No matter how much I love her, how much we love her, I could very easily ruin her life before it even truly begins.❞

[solarisligatus]

Ah, there it is. No more rigidity, but a laugh that he's trying to recover from. One of her gloved hands comes to try and hide her soft snickering as the other reaches up to nudge him.

"If I'm visiting in an official capacity, the title needs to be there! Even if he'd prefer that I just forgot about it. In any other time, then he can be just Aymeric, as he prefers."

She knew too well his preferences. Knew how soft and kind he could be. Most people would forget he was in charge if he didn't act like it when the situation called for it.

"Well, maybe I still want to hear it from you. Making conversation between friends on a visit like this is important. I - knew enough, i think. Enough that I wanted to keep Kitty away from it when he was much younger, but not all that there was."

[dimoriire]

❝Still.❞

Heavens above the look of sadness that would cross their friend's face. Like a sad dog is what it was. Endearing, but also a look that made him want to cave near immediately. Perhaps for the best that their work didn't cross too often, he too tried to keep that title between them when it came to official matters.

The matter of wanting to keep her son away though, that catches his attention. Shifting from that light mood to something a bit heavier. It was justified, if he had a child he would've never let them try and join such an order.

❝Well, truth be told, your son most likely would've been better off than most of us then.❞

Sure, there was probably something there the commanders could've drawn on knowing how he had come into the family of hers, but nothing as easy as people like him.

❝Before things were horrid, twisted in ways that should've never been touched. The order used to be much bigger if you recall, but so many of us died due to negligence. Essentially being sentenced to the gallows just to do something to the population. And so many did it happily, proudly, because they wanted revenge. I, myself, should've been part of them. Would've been part of them if not for my condition.❞

[dimoriire]

my boy...........................

[dimoriire]

❝So believe you must say so ?❞

That was the tiring point. To be told something out of expectation, genuine or not. Like thanks for his "lessons", it wasn't as if he was an advisor out of his own desire, he certainly wasn't any good at teaching if his aggressive vague explanations of his tactics showed anything.

❝I don't need thanks that are given out of a desire to be polite for the bare minimum.❞

Shaking his head briefly before reaching for the cloth himself. A quiet request as he lets out a small stream of fire from his breath, reigniting the small fire under the pot of water to keep it warm.

❝Give it. If you get sicker from the cold then I'll be forced to teach guards again while you recover.❞

@lovesfolly. c.

[solarisligatus]

"Alright, that one's on me, I should've said other than that one."

She gives him a gentle nudge to emphasize that she's joking. It was certainly an idea, but not one that would work properly. And they'd already gone over that one.

"Those are very pretty. I don't think I've met anyone with names like those, but they're lovely to hear. Why not one of those then?"

Who cared if they fit coming from 'someone like him' or not? Nobody expected Jubibi to have a son named Kitty of all things. Expectations mattered little compared to what simply fit.

[dimoriire]

❝'Cause if I give her a name like that people are gonna expect something of her. I don't want people to get higher expectations, isn't it already enough that thoughts of me others harbor will bear on her as she grows ?❞

That was the issue really. To know that no matter what, his own nature would set expectations of her regardless. It's not something he could change, circumstances of birth weren't something you could switch up, but that didn't make it much easier to deal with.

❝But if I don't give her a good name, and she gets something more common, then people will think badly of her anyway. I can't choose between someone expecting something great of her that she can't live up to, or someone thinking she's less than she is 'cause she got stuck with a bland name that only serves the image that her father is setting her up for failure.❞

[solarisligatus]

"Ah, duty can certainly keep one busy. I remember that well enough from back when I was still a knight."

No reason for him to apologize as far as she was concerned. They were friends - old friends, sure, but that didn't negate the friends part. Why wouldn't she want to talk with him?

"You've certainly got a lot on your plate with the reforms. Can you tell me more while we're on our walk?"

Even if she was busy nowadays, this was still her home. Hearing how things were changing was important to her. To hear how they were getting better.

"Ser Aymeric keeps me apprised, of course, but there's a difference hearing it from a friend, you know?"

[dimoriire]

Ser Aymeric, the formality manages to get past that wall he was working to build to remain "normal" in front of their guest. Ser, the word making him laugh, it's an ugly one, one he tries to recover from quickly while shaking his head.

❝Don't let him hear you call him that. Title must be forgotten in a friend's presence, yes ? He would be beside himself if you didn't treat him as such. Think he thinks he's still that knight training alongside friends at times, forgetting his grand position.❞

Not Lord Commander Aymeric, just Aymeric. No title, only a friend. Truly a sap at heart, wasn't he ? Suppose that's what made him so approachable still to this day.

❝I doubt there's little I could tell you that he hasn't already, proud as he is. He has every right to be though, it was him at the head of everything, him who swayed the people. I'm not aware of how much you knew prior, of how things were for us- dragoons, that would be a decent starting place.❞

[vierandancer]

"--Err. No, s'no that -- just..." Well, this was awkward. Investigating someone suspicious often led to finding someone antagonistic. Then she'd beat him up and head home. But this lad -- he just looked a wee bit lost. Although no part of him was wee, apparently.

"Ye kinda frightened some o'th' locals? Someone asked me tae see if ye were friendly..."

[dimoriire]

❝Oh...❞

Anxiety disappearing near immediately as a wave of despondency crashes over him, only further emphasized by the lowering of ears. Suppose he should've expected it, that was always the reason why he was approached when not at the side of another, always stoking fires of fear by appearance alone.

❝I'm sorry. I don't mean to cause issues.❞

Hands lowering to clasp behind his back, a small bow given in apology. Eyes finding just about anywhere else as he straightens back out.

❝I know I look... wrong,❞ He was wrong after all. ❝but I don't have an ill intentions.❞

[solarisligatus]

"We could certainly find one~! They sell them everywhere, I'm sure."

She's quick to focus on something else. Grief is a heavy thing, even if she's made her own peace with it. To linger on memories, even happy ones, could hurt if he isn't quite ready to think about them yet.

"Ah, but you said that you'd had thoughts - even if they don't mean anything to anyone else, maybe they do to you. Can I ask what they were?"

Other than Baby, of course. She'd been there when that one had been suggested and it hadn't gone over well from the others' reactions. In her opinion, it mattered more what he and his beloved liked most. Who was anyone else to judge? Especially she who'd promised to always be in his corner. Even for small things like naming a baby.

[dimoriire]

❝Baby.❞

Answering mostly as a joke, but it wasn't a lie. 'Course they already worked out that no, that wouldn't work. But what were the others ? Taking a moment to think, eyes looking at the floor as he idly kicks at the air in attempts to remember.

❝There was...... Isolde, and, uh, Dahlia. I think Carmilla was one as well.❞

All names he did like, but all that also felt very... formal for someone like him to pick. Names that set an expectation when heard, and what if that wasn't met ?