Kid Stages Coup Against Elementary School; Outlaws Homework, Declares Half Days on Fridays
FORT WAYNE, INDIANA - Leaving the local community in shock that something like this could even happen, the stability of a local Fort Wayne elementary school has been left for question after a 9 year old forcibly removed the principal from power in what is now being called a ācoupā of sorts.
It all started when school administration placed a ban on energy drinks in all school vending machines, citing both health and safety concerns. This angered much of the student population, who relied on energy drinks to get them through the long school days. Many demonstrations were held to protest the ban, but they were all shutdown by staff.
One thing led to another, and 9 year old Caleb Erickson along with a group of angry students raided principal Arthur Durnās office fully equipped with NERF guns, demanding that the ban be reversed. When Durn reversed and even threatened to call the boysā parents, the boys all began shooting their NERF guns at Durn, demanding that he resigned from his position, to which he did in fear.
After that, Caleb would remove all other teachers and staff members from their positions and replacing them with students, fearing that they might be a threat to his power. Once he felt that his power was secured, Caleb Erickson would declare himself Principal for Life and Commander-in-Chief of the Little League Baseball team, much to the joy of students.
Caleb would immediately reverse the ban on energy drinks, but he also had many other plans to make student life better for his fellow students. āFor far too long, we were paraded around by a bunch of grownups who told us what to do and how to do it, with blatant disregard for how us kids felt about it.ā Erickson declared during his first speech to the school.
āWith me in charge, that will be no more. As a fellow kid, I solemnly swear to put kids first, which is why I hereby announce that homework is officially abolished, and all Fridays from now on will be half days, effective immediately.ā
Calebās speech was met with an overwhelming amount of cheers from students, but people in the outside world fear that Calebās philosophy is majorly misguided from reality, and may lead to the downfall of their elementary school.
āWith someone like Caleb in charge, the school is sure to shutdown because there will be no actual learning taking place.ā Schoolologist Rebecca Howards told the Dingleberry Times. āSchools need to meet certain standards and have certain test scores to stay afloat, and without any actual educators on staff, the school will be doomed.ā
Many economists also point towards Calebās proposed economic policy, which includes changing the price from a three minute turn on the swing from 15 noogies to simply 10, which could severely damage the playground economy.
As such, there has been an ongoing effort by the outside community forcibly remove Caleb from power, but due to his extreme popularity at school, that has proved difficult as any attempt invasion has been met with more NERF attacks.
