[dinykim]

New Blog

Hello few people who actually read my tumblr,

I have decided to make a new blog. I’m planning on adding more dancing on there, and it’s just easier for people to contact me with questions or gigs. I also really like it because I can customize it the way I want. I recently wrote my first post about the Fruit of the Spirit & how that translates into my relationship with my future husband. if you’re interested, you can follow me here:

http://dinykim.weebly.com/blog

Thanks Tumblr, for all these years. I will probably come back now & then to read my old posts, & to relive my past experiences and revelations.

[dinykim]

Dreaming With God - Bill Johnson

[dinykim]

On John 2: Jesus Turns Water Into Wine

ok everyone knows this story. Jesus is at a wedding, they run out of wine, so He makes more. another astounding miracle to be recorded in history.

but as i dug deeper into this passage, i realized there was so much more than i had noticed in the past 2395732940 other times i had read it in the bible.

 first, FAITH.

let’s start with Jesus’s mother. when the wedding ran out of wine, she came straight to Jesus. here He is, 30 something years old, and Mary had still held on to the Truth after all these years, and believed with all her heart that the son she bore is the Son of God. i believe she played a pivotal role in this miracle because when she spoke “do whatever he tells you”, she shifted the spiritual atmosphere, opening up the physical space & the servants’ hearts for the miracle to take place.

now let’s take a look at the servants. keep in mind, they were not Jesus’s servants. they were the servants of the master of the house, where the wedding was taking place. yet when Mary said to them “do whatever he tells you” they immediately obeyed. therefore it was a choice, not a duty. faith comes with action, & it’s not always going to be a small step. sometimes, you need to take a really really big step, because the bigger the step you take, the bigger the results will be. Jesus asked them to fill six giant stone water jars that hold 20-30 gallons each. imagine the strength, time, & labor required to fill these jars. & yet without a word, they obeyed. not only did they fill the jars, they filled them to the BRIM because in their hearts they had expectation. expectation that Jesus will do something crazy with their obedience! as soon as the jars were filled, Jesus tells them to bring some of this “water” to the master of the banquet. they filled the water themselves..so if they truly didn’t believe that Jesus had released a miracle, they would not dare bring this to their own master, who has the authority to punish them in whatever manner seemed fit. yet when the master of the banquet “had not realized where it had come from, the servants who had drawn the water knew.” (John 2:9). & through this, in Cana of Galilee, God’s glory was revealed.

many times, in order for His glory to be revealed, it requires 1. a declaration (whether in your heart or even physically out loud) to open up the atmosphere to make room for His glory to reside. 2. action. Yes, God can do everything on his own. But a lot of times, He wants us to take part in revealing His glory. In fact, He actually enjoys asking us to partner with Him to make this miracle a reality. & when we get to take part in releasing His glory into the world, it is the greatest honor He can give to us as a Friend.

[dinykim]

Don't question in the dark what God showed you in the light.

[humansofnewyork]

“Seven years ago, I was sitting on the ledge of a thirteenth floor window. I’d tried to quit drinking so many times but I couldn’t do it, and I’d finally given up. My mind was racing through all the shameful things I’d done, and I kept hearing this voice saying: ‘Jump you piece of shit. Jump you piece of shit.’ So I put my hands over my ears and started rocking back and forth on the window ledge. Suddenly I heard this small, still voice: ‘Say a prayer,’ it said. And I didn’t want to hear it. It was kind of like your mother knocking on the door while you’re watching porn. But then I heard it again: ‘Say a prayer.’ So I started praying, and I totally surrendered, and I felt an evil presence leave me. And I just kept saying: ‘I can’t believe you still love me. I can’t believe you still love me.’ Then I cleaned up my room, threw away my baggies of coke, took a shower, and went to work.”

[dinykim]

[dinykim]

[mailakue]

WHOA. Press on, people.

Pastor Benjamin Robinson speaking on John 6:

“The disciples tell the crowd to sit down and Jesus takes the bread. He blesses it. He distributes it to the disciples. And they distribute it to the people. And the people eat. Do you see the difference between the disciple and the crowd?

The crowd sits and eats. The disciples stand and feed. The crowd sits and gets fed. The disciples stand and do the feeding. The disciples stand and deliver. And the crowd sits and receives.

After the crowd eats, the disciples come to Jesus and they’re hungry. He didn’t allow them to eat nothin’. That’s the hardest thing, when you’re serving the Lord and you feel like everybody else is eating but me. That ain’t fair…

And [the disciples] come to Jesus, and they say “There ain’t nothin’ left. They ate everything. I told you to send the people away…” And Jesus says, “Here, each of you get a basket and go gather the leftovers.” And the disciples go out…

And it says that they picked up 12 baskets of the remainder. How many disciples were there? And how many baskets are leftover?

Jesus had not left out the committed. Actually, they got more than everybody else. Everybody else got one piece of bread and one piece of fish, but the disciples got a basket of bread and a basket of fish. But what was required of the disciples was to be willing to feed before being fed; being willing to give before receiving, and being willing to trust without even the promise of being fed.

Jesus didn’t say do this and then you’ll get. He said to give it all. What was required of the disciples was that they trust; that they believe from the depths of their heart that the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.”

[mailakue]

I have a crush on a parable.

Matthew 13

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and hid; and for joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

The pearl of great price is my favorite parable, ever. I probably revisit this passage at least once a month. And it still moves me every single time.

When I initially read the two parables together, the first one made a lot of sense. A guy finds a treasure. He hides it in a field. Sells all he has. Buys the field. And ends up with the field AND the treasure. It’s a win-win. The man loses all he owns, but gains twice at much. I think the kingdom is like that. When we feel like we’re losing something, the kingdom is actually doubling our portion, if not more.

But when I read the second parable, it made absolutely NO sense. A guy finds a pearl. Sees that it has value. Sells all that he has. Buys the pearl. And what does he get? Nothing but a tiny, little pearl, which probably doesn’t even equal the value of all his previous belongings.  My first thought: This guy is crazy. My second thought: If this is true, who would want any part in the kingdom?

It didn’t make sense to me because I don’t think the kingdom is like a pearl. God doesn’t rob us or offer us an unfair trade… does He?

I reread the passage over and over again to make sense of it until the Lord highlighted something that blew my mind:

The kingdom of God is like a merchant. Not a pearl.

Jesus is not asking for us to give up all that we have for a pearl. He’s given us the treasure. He’s given us the field. He’s doubled our portion. Instead, Jesus is the one who gives up all that He has because He saw that I have great value. He willingly took part of an unfair trade because He counted me worthy. He voluntarily let himself be robbed of all that He had because when He looked at me, He didn’t just see a sinner. He saw a pearl of great price. And that was enough of a reason for Him to give up everything, just so He could have me.

[mailakue]

What the Lord spoke to me during my MRI.

I got an MRI a couple of weeks ago. For those of you who don’t know the process, it’s not fun. You’re stuck in this tiny, claustrophobic tunnel, and also surrounded by an overwhelming, constant noise the entire time. Not a small buzz, but loud banging and clashing and thrashing that even shakes you. It’s pretty scary.

Before I went into the tunnel, the man asked me if I wanted to listen to any music to help make the experience a little friendlier. I requested the Housefires album. I have been listening to Housefires every single day, to and from work, on repeat for 2 hours a day, for the past 3 months. So it was only natural that it was the first thing I thought of.

Once the MRI started, the banging and clashing and shaking started. And I could hear the faint voices, singing in the distant “You’re a good, good father. It’s who you are…” I was pretty frustrated at first because I couldn’t hear the music. “What’s the point of even playing music?” I thought to myself. “I can’t hear anything.” The MRI was way too loud. But a few minutes into it, I closed my eyes and began to focus on the song. Even though I could barely hear it, I began to hum along since I knew the tune so well. And even though I couldn’t hear the lyrics, the music was just audible enough, to where I could hear familiar parts of the song cue me to start singing the lyrics that I have grown to know so well.  

And just as I was singing, “…and I’m loved by you. It’s who I am…” the Lord brought me to a new revelation:

What if our ability to hear God’s voice, especially in tough seasons, is not about how loud and clear He is? What if instead, it’s about our choosing to drown out chaotic, contrary voices and focus on His, no matter how quiet it seems to be? Because we have grown so familiar to His voice in seasons past…Because we have spent so much time talking to Him in our day to day routine…

I used to evaluate intimacy with the Lord with my ability to hear His voice loud and clear in tough seasons. When I could hear Him, it would reassure me that God and I were “tight.” And when I couldn’t, I would get frustrated with myself, and Him, and my relationship with Him.

I’m realizing that intimacy with the Lord doesn’t just take place in the moments when His voice is like, BAM! (which is also pretty awesome). But increasing intimacy takes place in the everyday, mundane things. When I talk to Him during my commute. When I dialogue with Him in my journal. When I say good morning, thanks for the meal, and good night. It’s in these moments that I grow familiar to His voice, maybe without even knowing it…without dramatic proof of the difference that it’s making. So that when I enter seasons that have voices coming at me from every angle, His voice is still so familiar, and it cues me, guides me, leads me through shaking seasons.  

Clarity is not in the volume of God’s voice. It’s in the familiarity of His love, His words and His truth, no matter what chaos seems to be competing against it.

[notandrewmin]

So good

[dinykim]

Freestyle Fears

it says in the bible that God dances over us. well..i figured the best way to improve in the art is to learn from the one who created it in the first place. so... i’ve been asking God to teach me how to dance. I think subconsciously I was just expecting Him to just kind of lay a creative hand over me or something & “blind” people’s eyes with favor to just suddenly make me good. haha. how ignorant of me, right? But Dad has better plans. He always does. & not always in the way that I expect. so..He has recently been taking me into a new season of acceleration in dance through none other than: freestyle. Through exposing myself to it more and more, I’m learning how to be more comfortable in my skin and dancing alone in the middle of cyphers. But today, God asked me the most important question of all:

“why have you been afraid all this time?”

and the second He asked me this question, tons of fears i never knew i had came flooding out.

“well, Dad, i have fear of control in dance. I don’t want to freestyle because I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable to my natural body movements without being able to control what comes next. it’s fear that i have limited creativity to draw from, that eventually I will run out; i’m drawing from earthly resources, not heavenly ones. fear in time: believing the lie that i will be more creative if i have more time to perfect it (ex. choreo). i am believing a lie that creativity takes time. fear of intimacy: freestyle means freedom, but it also means vulnerability. fear of judgment: that people won’t think i’m that good.”

wow. i was being such an orphan. i thought i dealt with all those fears in my life. but i guess not in ALL the areas of my life. so then Holy Spirit just totally owns me & tells me that fear in freestyle translates to a lot of personal fears in character, which is why building your character translates into your dancing. the moment you find breakthrough in character you will find breakthrough in your dance. that's why it's a switch you flip; it's a mental switch not a physical one.

for all the dancers out there who struggle with freestyle like i do, i thought i’d share this revelation with you too.

[dinykim]

[eileeeenkim]

I Quit.

God is strange.  This past month has been one of the most emotionally stressful / rock bottom ish seasons of my life. But spending the past two weeks in Korea, God really prepared me for an upcoming season of renewal.  For quite some time now, I’ve been injured & couldn’t dance to my best ability. & for the past 6 months or so, despite the constant nagging from people around me to rest & to hurry & heal, I couldn’t get myself to. Something in my heart wouldn’t allow me to let go, & being as stubborn as I can be, I kept dancing. I honestly thought to myself, “If dancing is God’s heart for me, He’ll heal me.”  & it was very naive for me to think so. God reminded me recently that He doesn’t just give everything His children wants, just because they love it or they want it. God carefully prepares them, disciplines them, & keeps them waiting patiently until they can handle the very thing that they love or want.  As I reflected on all the struggles I went through the past 6 months, sitting on my bed in the middle of a one-room that I rented out in center of Seoul, God spoke to me, loud & clear: “You’ve been a slave to your passions”  Wow. YES, God LOVES to watch me dance & YES, He supports me in it. But sitting on that little bed in the middle of the night, I couldn’t deny that as my passion for dance grew bigger & bigger, my commitment & my pursuit of Jesus grew smaller & smaller. God started to remind me of all the times I chose to go to rehearsal over a church event I wanted to go to, all the times I chose to go take class from one of my favorite choreographers instead of going to bible study, all the times I missed Sunday service because I was tired from late night practice the night before. It wasn’t about needing to attend service, needing to read the bible, needing to do this or do that. It was about where my heart lied.  I always talked about how much I love dancing & how much God was blessing me through it, but I wasn’t hungering to know Him anymore.  & a bold question flashed before me: If dance was taken away from you, if your dreams were taken away from you, can you still love God with all of your heart?  Yes. I want my answer to be yes!  I was in a community that didn’t know God, constantly dancing alongside them & having them become my closest friends. I was in a community that based my identity off of my performance & didn’t know how to encourage me regardless of how well I dance or don’t dance. Yet I clung to it, & I let it control me. Ever so desperate to succeed in that very place. & I ran to everything else other than Jesus. I didn’t have authority over my passions; I was was a slave to them. Something that God gave to me as a gift, something that He treasured in me.  I was talking with a friend in Korea, & he brought up the story of Abraham & Isaac in our conversation. My eyes probably got so wide as God began to pour out revelations over revelations on me about why I’ve been going through the things I was going through, & what He wanted me to do next.  Abraham received a promise from the Lord, that his offspring will be more than the stars, & through him, God will bless his nations. & faithfully Abraham waited, an excruciating 25 years, for God to fulfill that promise. & finally, despite the impossible, Isaac was born. To Abraham, Isaac was more precious that we can imagine- he was God’s promise, everything Abraham waited for his whole life. But not long after, God suddenly told Abraham to go & sacrifice Isaac. Yes. God told. Abraham. to kill. his one and only son. Whaaaat? Why? God’s the one that promised great things through Isaac. Abraham waited for so many years for him! Why?!  While I probably would’ve been flippin the fuck out, Abraham shows a very different response. HE SAYS… OKAY, I’LL DO IT.  Abraham trusted in God’s faithfulness. He knew, better than anyone else, that God will keep His promises. & so he obeyed.  In the end, we all know that God was never actually going to let Abraham kill his son. It was a test to see if He can fully trust Abraham with such a great destiny. & Abraham proved to Him that He can. Dance was my Isaac.  God promised me great things through dancing. & when amazing opportunities came, it felt like God was fulfilling those promises. Yet as my injuries got worse, I was forced to stop doing what I love. It felt as if God was telling me to kill the very thing He promised me. I didn’t understand. Why? He promised me. I waited so long, I worked so hard. Why?  & as I sat there receiving all the revelations God was pouring out on me, I finally connected it. Though now it may seem like God is telling me to kill His promise, He is preparing me to be able to handle a great destiny. Because God is faithful, & He will keep His promises.  So today, I quit my dream dance team.  My team was something I grasped so tightly & couldn’t let go of, but I think God purposely forced me to leave the country for two weeks in order to take me out of the bubble I was in. & as the new season began without me, with everyone already training & getting to know each other while I was stuck out in Korea, I finally was able to ease my grasp a bit, & temporarily let go. I need to rest my body & allow my injuries to heal.   I feel at peace, though. Everything God has been doing in my life, from making me realize how much time I need to be spending with Him, to physically not being able to be in the country because of a bunch of other things he’s been doing in my life (that’s a whole different story), pointed directly to the decision to leave. My upcoming season of renewal will be consisted solely of hungering for Jesus & pursuing to know Him more, while being able to enjoy my other talents that I buried because of dance. & I’ll be back up on my feet dancing real soon, with a perfectly healed body & an improved character that is able to handle the responsibilities that comes with His promises. I’ll be stronger than ever, hungrier than ever, & though it seems as though I’m being stripped of something that is most valuable to me, I will not give up. I will persevere. 

[dinykim]

This is my little sister & i'm proud of her ^_^ keep your eyes out for this one because she's gonna be famous someday!

[dinykim]

If you take the people no one wants, I will give you thousands of them.

God (In Mike Bickle's The Seven Longings of the Human Heart)

[dinykim]

this team has so much legacy & so rich in its history. i’m excited & honored to be invited to be a part of this family!!! your girl diny is now a Super Galactic Beat Manipulator =)

[dinykim]

A satisfied, fascinated believer is a spiritually strong believer who lives with a special measure of protection from Satan's schemes. Many of the opportunities for sin that come their way are rejected, not because of some moral superiority over those who may fall for the same trick, but simply because the believer is preoccupied with the beauty of God and has no attention to give to lesser pleasures. The deceptions of the enemy are more quickly exposed for what they are: unsatisfying distractions from that which is truly fulfilling.

Mike Bickle (The Seven Longings of the Human Heart)

[dinykim]

Perseverance

it will always be a fact. there are going to be people in the world that are naturally talented, where everything comes so easy and so effortless. there is always going to be someone that is better than you at something, without putting in even a hundredth of a percent as much effort as you did to get to the exact same place. what can i say, it’s just something that they are born with.

But as for me, I’m not like those people. i know how it feels like to work for something with countless tears and sweat, one step at a time, falling countless times just to pick myself back up for the hundredth attempt. and I know how it feels like to finally and confidently reach the top, standing tall. i know what I’ve worked for, and therefore the reward just feels that much sweeter.

I have come to the realization that grace and favor is not defined by the amount of talent that you’ve been born with. Favor is when God releases a kingdom culture in that environment or specific area to “skip over” circumstances that put you at a disadvantage compared to others based on their “natural-given” talent, so that people can see you through a Kingdom vision and Kingdom heart. Yes, it’s undeserved, but God’s favor takes into consideration your hard work, perseverance, and desire and turns them into assets that help you gain access to open new doors, because in His eyes, those traits also contribute to His justice.

so yeah, even if my efforts are hidden in a small black corner where nobody else can see, my Daddy sees.