my read mores werent working🥹
I've been asked kind of often about what one of the worst things my ex did to me would be and on one hand it's a bit subjective and on another there are so many things 🙃
When we had been dating for a bit already we went to a fair on a date, I ended up getting a stomach bug after i had a big corndog and a lot of soda. I obviously wasn't aware at the time that my ex had been tampering with my food so i believed until basically we broke up that this day was just a bad day for me🥹🫠
I started cramping halfway through eating the corndog and I thought maybe it was hunger pains at first cause I hadn't eaten much and they can feel kinda similar. But it felt bubbly and like my belly was being inflated. I tried to put down the food when I realized because it was physically uncomfortable to try and shove food into my body while it was bloating like that.
However my bf encouraged me to eat more and told me not to waste food. Throughout the entire time I'd known him he was like this and every time I didn't finish something he would basically yell at me for a long time and force me to do things like stay indoors if I had plans with friends🫠. At the time he kept saying i would be okay to finish the corndog🥹. He also knew i hadn't eaten much that day and pressured me into sitting down at a bench instead of enjoying the night and watched as i very slowly scarfed down the rest of my corndog. I had to stop every few bites to catch my breath as my belly continued cramping harder and harder. I did try to explain this but he would act like I was irritating him or making excuses to waste food.
At one point i did realize that i needed to go to the bathroom immediately. But i wasn't done yet and I didn't want him to basically force me back down if i tried to go to the bathroom, so despite my belly feeling fully distended and that I could feel a big massive mass building against my asshole🥹 i tried to shove the rest of the dog as quickly as I could down my throat and took quick breaths.
Finally when I was done I started telling my bf that my tummy hurt so much 😭 and he would say he knew and then insist that I should walk it off basically to get the pain to stop. I felt genuinely crazy because i felt like i knew what my problem was (that i need a bathroom) but he would act like he knew better than me at every moment.
At this point all i could think about and feel was the shit inside me building and moving down actively, and then suddenly i just couldn't hold it anymore🫠🥹 I just froze up and felt like i was letting out a huuuge fart that cramped through my whole tummy, except I was standing, and then i felt this warm, soft mess pushing out from inside me.
It felt... So good... It was so incredibly relieving and I still remember how long my asshole gaped for as I stood there with my hands on my tummy pushing everything out. The deepest part of my gut felt like it was releasing soo much and I could feel the mess pressing warmly against my pussy. It was disgusting to me at the time and it still is, but I felt like I couldn't stop :/
I think a part of why it got so... idk, "addicting" for me is because of the adrenaline i got from how absolutely mortifying and horrible it was. I consider it "one of the worst" things that Ive done as well because we had to be escorted out of the place by security and someone actually posted about it online in a very humiliating way. It remained a topic of conversation in online groups in our community fb groups for a few days.
I ended up having a panic attack over this when i was being escorted out and then again when i was at home and seeing it online. I thought my life was over and that someone would find out it was me irl. It's weird talking about it here too cause you all technically don't know me but it still feels like admitting to something...🫠🥹 And I also worry that maybe someone who knows about that would see this? But ive thought about it all and maybe it's better for me to expose myself as someone who did something like that and liked it, because I deserve to be exposed for being so disgusting🫠🙃
