[dirtbird1999]

music dudebros will really be nice to you until you’re no longer fucking their homeboy but really why am I surprised

[dirtbird1999]

you ever just sit down and think. Ive made so many mistakes and i regret them so deeply and I wish I could take them back and be a different person but I can’t and I don’t know what to do with that other than go fucking crazy. Or is that just me

[dirtbird1999]

Not sure where else to put this but I just wanted to put out into the world that I met someone yesterday and the way the sun hit their face kinda made me wanna Thank God so that’s fun and cute and terrifying

[dirtbird1999]

Sometimes you lose someone and in the wake of it you think, your love was not enough, that you don’t deserve this grief, that you have to earn the way you miss your friend. And then you remember that they are the reason you started listening to Amy whinehouse. And they are the reason you started liking your nose. And they are the reason you decided to consider converting. And you realize that even if none of those things were true, who says you have to earn anything more than the love you very clearly already have for this person? No one, certainly not my God, our God. And maybe, what it actually is, is that this person was so bright, their light so big, that you couldn’t miss them from a mile out. Maybe you are allowed to love people from afar. Maybe that is still worth something. I am praying in those last moments the earth held you like you deserved. God I miss you Blue. you are so loved.

[dirtbird1999]

Idk man I want everybody to just do what’s best for their body but I feel like those “I’m mentally ill but med free look how cool I am and hard I’ve worked” posts are actually hella harmful. There’s still so much stigma around taking psychiatric meds and people literally die every day bc they don’t have access to those meds (esp since like 70% of the unhoused population are also mentally ill) and boasting about how plant medicine has saved you I guess is fine but it seems so out of touch when there are so many people who are still fighting to get access to the meds you say are inherently harmful to you

[dirtbird1999]

The Ukraine situation has brought up a lot of feelings, almost like I can feel my grandmas fear for the first time in real life. I want so dearly to hold every single human, to put an end to borders and wars and dictators, and I know I cannot. But I will try for them, for her. For me.

[dirtbird1999]

Do you ever look at your life and think, “oh, maybe I am deeply unhappy”

[dirtbird1999]

funny because I am grieving and smiling at the same time and I know I am so lucky like a bastard out of hell and I will show God I’m thankful by Living in Every Precious Moment until I drop.

[dirtbird1999]

I just found out bell hooks’ birthday is a day before mine and I am sobbing

[dirtbird1999]

thinking about last year when I drove and took the ferry to whidbey island alone at 4am to go look through the tide pools at sunrise and my speaker had died and I turned on the radio and an indie Canadian station was doing a Kate bush marathon and the fires had just started in Washington so I came out of the forest onto the beach to an apocalyptic sun and an empty beach and wondering if it was a message from God

[dirtbird1999]

There is a straight cis white dude at my job with a full sleeve of anime tattoos like naruto and Hunter Hunter and dragon Ball Z and Pokemon and I think also some 90s cartoons and I like, didn’t know this brand of human existed? But I’m not necessarily mad about it. Humans are fascinating.

[dirtbird1999]

I do in fact feel affirmed by finding out the rich pretty yt girl who was mean to me in high school is still a bad person thank you for asking

[ojibwa]

[dirtbird1999]

Watching Chernobyl and knowing my dad knew several of the firefighters who survived and seeing what they had to go through makes me so Angry like dyatlov really lured so many people to certain death bc he and his superiors had too much pride !!!

[dirtbird1999]

thinking abt my ex-roommates explicitly telling me they wouldn’t live with a man after I’d been living with them for 6 months and then misgendering me on purpose and laughing in my face abt it and then getting a “no more men” tattoo from a local activist like ok we get it bro

[dirtbird1999]

sometimes I forget that I have a secret I’ve told maybe three people in my entire life and I don’t talk to really any of those people anymore and I’m like oooooh that’s why I don’t feel close to anyone anymore

[dirtbird1999]

thinking about the person I loved my first year of college and how I ruined that relationship so quick and they are still my ultimate type and co-star just told me we are compatible as fuck please murder me