「JOHN MULANEY AND THE SACK LUNCH BUNCH STARTERS」
“So I have a lot of fears like a big asteroid hitting the earth or other stuff like that, you know?”
“Sometimes I was afraid of getting hit by the ball in baseball”
“I did take swimming classes and I hated it, okay?”
“I’m afraid of death, but out of all the ways to die, I don’t wanna drown. I don’t wanna drown, okay?”
“{name}, suck in your gut”
“Recently I watched children’s TV and I didn’t like it at all but I liked it when I was a kid so that means it was better back then”
“I have no children of my own yet and that’s by choice”
“Sometimes I say “I don’t have kids yet” and that’s just to appease certain people”
“You can go very far in life if you pretend to know what you’re doing”
“Sometimes elderly people go steady”
“Grandma’s got a boyfriend”
“These women would love a reason to destroy you”
“Have you ever spied on your parents?”
“Even though [he/she/they] was embarrassed, [he/she/they] couldn’t deny they were right to throw shade”
“The reason I liked this movie is because it’s my favorite movie of all time”
“When I came back from the bathroom I sat next to the wrong dad”
“I can’t thank you enough for this. I mean you’ve given us your feedback but more importantly, you’ve given us your time”
“Now, no one goes home empty-handed so as you’re leaving, some woman is gonna give you a backpack shaped like a koala that’s fairly useless and it is filled with tubes of yogurt”
“I have a fear of playing soccer”
“My biggest fear is being to scared to take risks”
“That’s another one of my biggest fears: home invasions. I don’t want anyone in my home”
“What you know about real life could fit into a thimble on the thumb of tiny Jimmy Cricket”
“I used to be like you. Didn’t care for school. Didn’t care for math. Loved Creole cooking and Chopin. Just like you.”
“I’ll sing a song of karmic wrath”
“My story makes sense, on that you can rely”
“I have no fears. I believe fear, like any prejudice, or bias, or predisposition is taught and therefore learned. It’s the way we control each other in this world, in this society. I know that fear is false, an illusion.”
“Oh no, I’m too scared to leave the house, a clown might get me”
“Is there another set? Am I paying for this?”
“My biggest fear is escalators. I don’t like the way they move up and down so quickly and that you’re just supposed to know when to jump on.”
“Do you think a dog knows it’s in a movie?”
“You know the moon landing, it never happened. It was faked”
“I haven’t had a dream in over seven months”
“Seems like everything in life just works out for you”
“I think I’m a smart person and I hate when I show how not smart I am”
“You promised that you’d stop talking”
“And then when {she’s/he’s/they’ve] done a cartwheel, I will also do a cartwheel”
“You have to pay attention. This is a very big deal”
“I was just wondering… it sounds silly but… do they?”
“Do flowers exist at night?”
“I keep meaning to check but I always forget to ask if flowers exist at night”
“How long have you been afraid of dying in your sleep?”
“Welcome to paper mâché time. This is the 100th episode”
“When I was young volcanoes made me really nervous”
“I told you. And you didn’t believe me. And I’ll never forget it”
“Guess who I saw on the subway today”
“I saw a white lady standing on the street just sobbing and I think about it once a week”
“You know, once you keep your eyes peeled you’ll see crying white ladies all over New York City”
“I’m [name] and it looks like you need a friend”
“Why are you crying in a public place?”
“Spill your problems I can help you with coping”
“They’re phasing out my department and I will lose my apartment”
“I like bad guys, can’t resist them”
“Why? Why not just stand here and cry?”
“And also this whole time I’m wearing my dad’s fancy scarf and my Heelys”
“I know that the sky isn’t clear but it cannot rain every day of the year”
“And we talk about life and love and Sherlock Gnomes until it’s time to go home”
“Put away your skinny trumpet, instruments are stupid!”
“Follow me! But also give me space, okay?”
“Listen when I say what songs are about! I’m making music! You’re ignorant!”
“Damnit! I need my tap shoes!”
“I stayed up late trying on clothes I already own and I didn’t prepare and I failed”
“We want you to know we don’t judge you. We don’t care”
“My biggest fear is losing my family or the people I love and right up there with it is losing my iPhone”
“My biggest fear is someone I love dying a violent death, myself dying a violent death, and snakes”
“Can you very quickly describe your ideal funeral?”
“Is there a way of dying that you’re not afraid of that you would prefer?”
“There is no one like you. There has never been anyone like you. There will never be anyone like you. Therefore, be yourself”
romaincrisis
gamechangershow
2087
pixelskylines
