I'm Waking Up to Ash and Dust

Lumina [[Loo-mee-nuh]] Fairbain District 1 Cast-out [Indie RP | Original Character] Tracking: #disenchantedrebel

[disenchantedrebel]

IF YOU NEED ME; I'll be over here from now on --> wxngardiumleviosa

[disenchantedrebel]

cunningdisposition:

     Emory has to stop herself from retorting to insist she isn’t stubborn, but of course she knows it’s true — besides, the last thing she needs is to be in deeper water than she already is. After their previous screaming match that’s surely awakened the whole district, she’s probably got some sucking up to do.

                                  Well — say something productive.

There’s another pause as she returns her attention to the book that’s laid across the mattress in front of her, the upside down printing sparking an involuntary twitch of the corners of her lips. She’s not necessarily sure how to respond, as failure to ever admit she was wrong in the past has left her without receiving many apologies either.

                                 Just tell her you were wrong, women like that.

"— — — — you’re really cute when you’re angry, you get all flustered."

There was certainly an attempt there, though it was quite a weak one, so she’ll refrain from glancing over at the blonde and pretend to be reading something informative. “You know, you run your hands through your hair and huff a little bit… it’s kind of adorable—” Alright, she’s going to stop talking now, clearing her throat with a raise of her brows, despite wishing that she could give herself a kick in the ass.

"Can you be serious for five minutes?" Lumina sighed and sunk down into a chair. "This is the first time we've really fought. I just--I want to make sure this isn't something that becomes a pattern for us. I don't want to mess this up."

She looked over to Emory and arched an eyebrow. "We can't just ignore our issues. We'll start to resent each other, and it will all build up, and before you know it, everything is--gone. And I can't--I don't want to lose you."

[disenchantedrebel]

Lumina had been pacing the hallways of District 13 for what felt like hours. It hardly even mattered what they'd been fighting about or why; it was about what that fight meant--

--that perhaps there was a chance things wouldn't work out between them.

She still felt the same way, of course. Arguments didn't mean that a relationship was doomed forever, but she couldn't help wondering if Emory saw this as an out. 

No more pacing.

It was time to face things. Inhale. Exhale. Open the door. Go inside. She instructed herself each step of the way, though that didn't prevent her breath from hitching when Emory spoke. 

A sharp breath of air was taken in--she wanted to snap back that she certainly wasn't the stubborn one in this relationship, but she hardly saw how that would be productive. 

"We're both stubborn," she relented. Slowly, she lifted her gaze to meet the brunette's. "I--I'm sorry, too."

{ cunningdisposition }

[disenchantedrebel]

{Sorry guys, my muse for this account has taken a vacation without asking permission. Currently calling it a semi-hiatus; I'll probably just be replying to Emory and possibly a few others at the moment until the muse decides to return.}

[porcelaxn-blog]

     "Oh. No— I was just thinking and…"  She can sense the woman’s reluctance and knows that this is hardly the time for stories, though she wouldn’t make sense if she didn’t try to explain herself.

     "— Snow had initially planned to eventually marry me off to my biggest sponsor in the games… he was a really wealthy man and made unconditional promises and investments just to have my hand in marriage one day… he didn’t want me to be some Capitol whore — he wanted me to be his. At first I was disgusted, but then I couldn’t decide if I would look forward to it or not if given the scenario… despite that we’d never met, that I didn’t know him and he didn’t know me either. The whole thing gave me hope that I wouldn’t have to be alone forever, because once he got stuck with me, it would already be too late for him to turn around.”

     She draws a quivering breath because she needs a pause from speaking, a few more moments to consider the woman’s confession. Her shoulders raise as she sets her jaw in a futile attempt to hold back the tears that now begin to give her dark brown eyes a glossy and vacant appearance. But she’ll try to continue, otherwise she looks fragile.

     "… but you know me, and I can’t understand how you could still want to love me—”

     A sudden sob escapes her lips, causing her chest to raise with the weight of her inhale and break off her words; but Emory never cries because it’s like a chain reaction, once she allows the tears to start they don’t stop. She looks shocked at her own actions before she almost hears the crack in her composure, her hand raising to cover her mouth as she lowers her head in embarrassment.  It’s only a few more moments before she softly mutters her next words between teary gasps — though there is a surprising lack of hesitation she’d never thought would have been possible, but she’s certain. “— But I still love you too.”  

[disenchantedrebel]

Lumina knew exactly what it meant to be pushed into a marriage with someone you didn't even feel a shred of love toward. Her husband had been fine to live with, and a good father to Glimmer, but she'd never felt anything of a romantic nature for him. 

Nothing like this.

As Emory spoke, Lumina held her hands, not sure exactly where this was all leading, until--

But I still love you too.

Lumina was less stubborn about her tears, and let them slip from her eyes freely, a relieved smile upon her face. "You do?" she asked, almost in disbelief, before pulling the other woman into a kiss. "I do," she murmured against Emory's lips. "I love you," she repeated, gently pulling back, "Because I know you."

[porcelaxn-blog]

       The victor chuckles as she pulls slightly aback, thumb tracing carefully over the female’s cheek as she gives an amused shake of her head. “Did you just imply that you think you’re old? Isn’t that the thing most women refrain from admitting until people realize they’ve been twenty nine for the past seven years?” A cheshire grin spreads easily across her lips as the woman leans in to give her a quick kiss. “Don’t worry. You’re perfect.”

         It’s the blonde’s next words that catch her off guard and cause her to blink back shock, though there’s no time to respond before Lumina has shifted to connect their lips again. Emory leans into her arms, gripping her shoulders and growing increasingly thankful for the blonde’s tight hold as her head spins with realization and the passionance of their embrace. The last thing she wants is for Lumina to pull away from her, though when she does the victor’s forehead remains rested against the other’s long enough to catch her breath.

         When Emory does lean back again, she’s watching the other carefully, pale lips parting at loss for a proper response. It’s a few long moments before she realizes that she’s staring like an idiot, agape mouth closing to swallow roughly in an attempt to keep the quiver out of her words, but she can feel it burning in her throat for the first time in what seems likes forever. How could she love her? 

         "What?" She clearly heard her the first time, despite that the words were foreign; though she should have known that eventually one of them would tie up any loose edges by uttering them. As unfortunate as it is for her image, Emory is sure to burst into tears for the first time in ages. "— are you sure?" 

[disenchantedrebel]

It was almost torturous, watching Emory stand there, staring blankly. Lumina's heart sank. She was certain Emory was attempting to figure out how to tell her she didn't return those feelings, and she didn't know if she could handle that. When her response finally came, Lumina cleared her throat and stepped back, tears stinging the corners of her eyes.

"I, um--yes, I'm quite sure, actually," she said. "But if you--aren't there--" Her head was spinning. Why had she gone and said that? She should have sensed that Emory wasn't ready. It was too soon. She was so out of practice with all of this, and truth be told, she'd never really been in love before. She'd never felt anything like what Emory made her feel; without her, she'd never have gotten through losing her daughter, and it killed her to think her feelings might not be shared. "You don't have to say anything," she told her. "You can pretend that I didn't say anything, either, if you want."

[porcelaxn-blog]

       To say she’s a bit relieved would be an understatement, but Emory knows if the day comes when the woman actually wants another child, she couldn’t ever tell her it’d be best otherwise; though for now, at a time like this, she’s certain a little brat would surely drive her even further towards insanity. She’d never be fit to aid in being anything close to a mother figure — it’s no secret either.

      "I didn’t mean to imply it was a bad thing. I just — you can’t send kids back. I think they’re un-refundable.” Obviously.

      The brunette nods in response, previously wide brown eyes fixating over the woman’s shoulder as she pulls her into an embrace, one hand brushing down the back of her blonde hair as she sighs and holds tight to the female in her arms.  

      "But… maybe someday things could be different.         I don’t know if I could ever be capable of helping.          I mean — I’m not good at looking after people, but maybe someday…”

      Emory’s not going to downright blurt out that it’s an awful idea and throw the documents away, but she’s never thought the scenario through before; she’d request a dog if she thought it’d be of any use. Her head turns to press a soft kiss to Lumina’s cheek, her grip around her tightening as she draws a strangled inhale — God, she’s making her much too soft .

      ”— we could be different.       But you’re enough right now.”

      Sure, having a child surely wouldn’t be as horrible as she’s anticipating,  but Lumina’s enough to keep her happy and sane, she wouldn’t ever ask for anything else when she doesn’t even deserve what she has.

[disenchantedrebel]

Lumina let out a soft laugh. "Yes, a bit un-refundable," she agreed, relaxing into Emory's embrace. "Don't worry too much about it, okay? I'm not getting any younger, you know. Raising a child from infancy wouldn't be a very practical thing for me to do at this point in my life." It would hurt too much. Trying to replace Glimmer with a substitute child wouldn't help her to heal, either. Right now, all she needed, she had in front of her.

"You're enough for me, too." Lumina leaned in and pressed her lips to Emory's, then gently pulled back. Three words danced on the tip of her tongue; words she'd wanted to say for so long, but had never been courageous enough to attempt them. For reasons she couldn't pinpoint, now felt like the moment. She let the words go.

"I love you."

Immediately, her lips met Emory's again, and she wrapped her arms securely around the brunette as she deepened the kiss. It was a relief to have finally voiced the feelings she'd been holding back, but now she was a bundle of nerves. 

[disenchantedrebel]

                  It had been done on a whim. 

      A relatively stupid whim, if she were to admit it. Here she was, in her late 30s, entering a very new relationship for the first time in 20 years, and she'd decided that asking for information on adoption was a bright idea. 

                  It wasn't. 

      It had seemed all right at the time. Of course, she'd been in a mood - one which made her miss her daughter more than usual - and looking at a booklet filled with children orphaned by the war had sounded like the best idea ever. Now that she'd had a while to calm down and think, she knew it wasn't the right thing for her at all.

      So, when she walked in on Emory gazing at the papers, she sighed at her own stupidity for keeping them around and stirring up this conversation in the first place. "It's not what you think," she said, approaching the brunette. "I just--I had a moment. I was just looking, but--taking care of another child is not something I could do. Not after--" 

                  --losing Glimmer.

      "I'm sorry. I meant to get rid of those papers." 

[deadlyhavok]

If you are a THG roleplayer (OC or Canon, even Crossover) please reblog this so I can add you to a masterlist.

[disenchantedrebel]

Muse is being a fickle bitch at the moment. Will get to things very soon ♥

[shxlls-deactivated20140414]

          “I know.” There were some muffled giggles behind her hand.           “The more you try to handle me, the harder it gets.”

[disenchantedrebel]

                   "Ridiculous. You are completely ridiculous. Sometimes I forget that we're actually adults..."

[shxlls-deactivated20140414]

                    “I know. It’s getting very hard now.”

[disenchantedrebel]

                   "I just don't even know how to deal with you right now..." she said, stifling a fit of laughter.

[shxlls-deactivated20140414]

                    “Don’t walk away from me! We were having a dick jokes                     match and I was winning!”

[disenchantedrebel]

                   "Do you realize this is exactly why we can't have nice things, like mature, adult conversations?"

[shxlls-deactivated20140414]

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[unseenmockingjay]

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[disenchantedrebel]

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✘ THG Original Character - Glimmer's mother ✘ 8 years of roleplaying experience ✘ Crossover and AU friendly

[alowlysilvanelf]

Tauriel could only begin to imagine the depth of the pain she knew Lumina must be feeling, yet as she came to a stop beside the older woman, it was almost as if she could feel the sadness radiating off of her. It was an awful thing, she thought, a mother having to bury her daughter, especially one so young.

She hesitated a moment before responding, not quite sure of what to say under the current circumstances. This was certainly not the ideal way to meet again after so many years apart. “Alright, I suppose, considering…” she trailed off, glancing down at her feet before looking up at Lumina once more. “How are you doing?” she asked gently, concern and sympathy written across her features and audible in her voice when she spoke.

[disenchantedrebel]

Lumina cleared her throat and gave a subtle shake of her head. "I'm--" 

--not sure how to finish that sentence?

"I'm--just trying to get through today, really," she admitted softly. She felt as though she were in a perpetual trance; she was going through the motions and trying to downplay her grief, but it was all-consuming. No one understood that. Even Glimmer's father seemed to be having little trouble adapting to life without his daughter, but for Lumina, it was different. Her husband had been absent for most of their marriage, and she had been fine with that, but it also meant that he wasn't nearly as close to Glimmer as she was. His grief, while genuine, was also less severe. 

Slowly, she moved closer to Tauriel and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. "Thank you for coming," she whispered with a broken voice. "It means a lot to me."