fading away

ares, 27, he/him, i follow from saturnsdead ¤ bpd and epilepsy mainly

[disorder-d]

i cant wait for these nodes to be OFF of my head

[sacred-portal]

[disorder-d]

epilepsy has ruined every single part of my life. from my schooling to jobs to relationships, even down to simple things, epilepsy has taken everything from me.

i now am on year 6 of very active epilepsy, and i would choose MAID in half a second if it was available to someone like me. every single part of who i am now includes seizures alongside it. new people need a disclaimer about me, because i could drop at any time without an aura, without a warning. i cant remember ANYTHING and have forgotten so much about myself. i keep making people upset with how little i can actually do.

i hate that my loved ones pretty much also qualify as my caregivers. i hate that my meds barely do anything and no one seems to care. i hate that people would rather me just be asleep all the time if that means i wont have a seizure. sure im never around because im sleeping so much but who cares! he's not being a bother anymore!

i wish i could just not be here anymore

[disorder-d]

"hanging out" but its me listening in on the rest of my family because i know if i go out there they'll scatter

[mihai-florescu]

"Are you more of a family or career oriented person?" Babygirl im a bed oriented person. Snork mimimi

[niyarest]

[jupitertears3]

fuck i just remembered i’m fundamentally unlovable

[lilithhhm]

i hope one day i’ll finally have the courage to kill myself

[memento-meliora]

forced to say “it’s okay!” Instead of throwing a fucking chair at their head

[echoesofsaturn]

as my final act of love, I will swallow every "please stay" and turn it into silence so you don't feel trapped by my ache

[yellow-cat]

(voice of a person spiralling) its embarrassing but i still havent figured out if its ok for me to be alive

[disorder-d]

first mom comes home and tells me i look "moody" and then no one wants to talk to me. love seeing how supportive people talk to me when i'm having a bad time <3

[disorder-d]

truly wtf is wrong w me man

[eelofpureevil]

when you character so hard that you are them

[soundenjoyer]

They should let you kill yourself once like just to see what it's like

[disorder-d]

i think i may not understand friendship very well

[freakoutgirl]

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

[disorder-d]

i wish i wasnt alone i hate always ending it alone