After a year of mostly living a mundane, cautious life with my parents in the times of Corona, i decided yesterday to take a plunge. For the last nine months, i have maintained a daily text correspondence with my Sir, and a couple months back, we had spoken about the possibility of me moving in with Him. Due to personal dynamics with my parents that i needn’t go into, i felt at the time that, while such an arrangement sounded wonderful, it wasn’t feasible. Despite my answer at the time, my Sir graciously left me an open invitation to move in with Him, should there come a time when such an arrangement would be feasible.
Since that discussion, the idea of me moving in with my Sir often circled my mind. And the more i thought about it, the greater my desire became to turn that fantasy into a reality. And so, it was the day after Christmas that i broached the subject to my parents (albeit the PG version so as not to shock their… traditional mindsets). And after some emotional back-and-forth over the next few days, they eventually came to understand my desire for a change of pace, especially in this rather soul-crushing time.
And so, i was able to have the pleasure of informing my Sir yesterday on His birthday that i had navigated the emotional minefield of my parents and that i could move in with Him as early as next weekend, assuming circumstances hadn’t changed regarding His invitation. To my relief, He informed me that they hadn’t and that He’d be happy to welcome me into His home next weekend.
And so this brings me to today. my Sir texted me not too long ago tasking me to articulate my feelings about this formative moment of my life: a moment when my submission will no longer be a text-based correspondence or a weekend tryst, but rather a lifestyle. The start of journey in which real life and a life of submission will start to blend together.
By the racing of my heart as i type this, i would be lying if i said this step in my life doesn’t, to some extent, terrify me. Over the course of my life as a gay man, having experienced it closeted and out, i’ve developed a hyperawareness of what society — even in Southern California — deems worthy of being accepted, worthy of being tolerated, and worthy of being scorned. Maybe i have too cynical a view of the Zeitgeist, but i am fairly certain that being a submissive bottom boy in a live-in Dom/sub relationship would fall in the latter category for most of society — even in Southern California. There is a part of me screaming right now, demanding i suppress these deep impulses of my id, reverse my decision, and revert back to satisfying my urges in solitude (via porn or erotica). i have stringently compartmentalized my two lives for this long, i think to myself. Surely, i can keep this up for a few decades more.
However, on the other hand, a part of me knows that such a reversion would be too bleak to bear. Over the last nine months, there have definitely been moments where i have felt very low. Moments where my spirit has felt constrained, where my mind has felt stagnant, where my being has felt unnourished. As much as a part of me wants to deny it, submission has a deeply energizing effect on me. It satisfies something in me that i can best describe as a sexual life force: invigorating me when it’s gratified, paralyzing me when it’s neglected.
Additionally, when i snap out of the sort of catastrophizing that leads to nightmarish visions of the cruelest forms of public shaming in that puritanical part of my brain, i realize such visions are ridiculous fears rooted in ego. Realistically, most people probably don’t care what i do in my private life. Most often, people are too concerned about their own lives and how they are being perceived. And since i have no aspirations of being a politician or A-list actor, i highly doubt the tabloids would ever care to write an exposé on me. Also, taking this step doesn’t mean i can’t have a public and private life. All it means is that submission will play a more significant role in my private life.
More than anything though, i feel excited about this move. i’m taking this step with not just any man, but with my Sir, an intelligent Dominant man with whom i’ve come to be well-acquainted over the last year or so, who makes for an excellent conversationalist, who fulfills me both in and out of the bedroom, who i feel very fortunate to have as a part of my life. my Sir is a man that i find very physically attractive, with whom i feel very compatible sexually and otherwise, and for whom i feel i would feel invigorated serving as a live-in sub boy. When i picture a life living with Him, it sounds perfect: a life where i’d remotely work my 9-to-5, have an hour a day for my artistic pursuits, another hour to get a workout in to keep molding my body (particularly, my ass) for His pleasure, and then be able to dedicate the rest of the time to serve my Sir in all the ways He pleases. my Sir has proven time and time again how skilled He is at making me as a sub feel so submissive, making Him as a Dom feel so in control, and making sex feel so damn sexy. The thought of taking that taste of submission i’ve gotten from my weekends and texts with Him and amplifying it — to a point where i can feel so much more submissive than i ever have in my life — has made my rockhard boydick ooze pre-cum all over my briefs as i type this.
So despite the multitude of emotions i’m feeling, the prevailing emotion is certainly excitement, not just about pursuing my submissive desires and feeling more fulfilled in life, but specifically pursuing them with Someone with whom i’ve built what i feel is a strong, compatible relationship. i have one life to live, and i’m glad i’m taking this step toward living it to its utmost potential.
izzy806
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blakekathryn
snowghoul
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