“But EVERYONE gets that...”
When we talk about neurodiverse (ND) conditions* like ADHD and autism, we’re talking about differences in how the brain processes information as opposed to the brain being in a state of illness. Our brain tissue is healthy, but the functioning of the brain is different.
The result of these differences in functioning results in differences in strengths and weakness for ND people.
These strengths and weaknesses are generally not unique to individuals with these conditions but instead exist along a Bell curve of natural human variation. Most people exist somewhere in the middle of the Bell curve (of course!) and will occasionally experience ND traits from time to time.
This is because ND traits are human traits, and we are all human.
If you never experience any of these traits, it means you are on the other far end of the Bell curve rather than in the average middle.
The difference between someone who is in the middle of the Bell curve and someone who qualifies for a ND diagnosis is that ND people
Have a significant number of these traits;
Are affected by these traits in every area of their life or almost every area of their life on a daily or near-daily basis;
Have symptoms, behaviours, or problems are unexpected for someone of their age or intelligence;
Cannot overcome these symptoms by just “trying” or persisting;
Have had these problems since childhood;
May spend a great amount of effort and energy in trying to “keep up” and “be normal”;
Experience these symptoms regardless of stress levels, lack of sleep, other mental health conditions, or external factors;
Experience significant problems and suffering for them across multiple areas of their life on a daily or near-daily basis;
Feel as though they are struggling due to these symptoms on a daily or near-daily basis;
Feel the world isn’t designed for people like them and doesn’t accommodate them;
Experience significant impairment in social, school, or work performance because of these difficulties.
While the idea that “everyone gets these things…” is somewhat true, it doesn’t take into account the frequency or severity of the problem for ND people, or acknowledge how intrinsic such functioning is to an individual’s brain.
When we say we struggle with these traits, we’re talking about how we live with this struggle as a significant aspect of our lives, not just merely that we have experienced a trait that most other people have experienced too. Our experience is about the frequency and severity of the thing, and how we have to constantly plan for it. We’re talking about what it’s like to live life far from the centre of the Bell curve.
When someone is trying to express what it is like to live with a processing difference, is not sympathetic to say that you know what it is like when you don’t, or to insist that everyone has the same thing. It is far better to ask questions to help the other person to open up, or to ask how you can help or make adaptations for them.
If you don’t have a diagnosis but still genuinely believe that these problems are typical for everybody, you might want to consider that you might qualify for a diagnosis yourself.
*As something can be in good or bad condition, the word condition here is intended to be neutral. Not having a condition is a type of condition but we don’t have labels for these variations because they are assumed to be the norm. Some people with ADHD etc feel that disorder better expresses how their differences in brain functioning affect them and their lives.
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