Veni, vidi, scripsi

Czarina // Double ruling since '99 // I's Susubukan kong magsulat ulit.

[diwatangdyocza]

state of grace 🌷

[quotemadness]

Read a ton, write a ton. That’s how you’ll get it done.

Stephanie Kuehnert (via quotemadness)

[hedonist--poet-deactivated20240]

Your body still remembers the time you hurt yourself Your body still remembers the time you cried yourself to sleep Your body still remembers the time you moved cities with a look Your body still has the scars from that night when he left you Your body still remembers the time you were left between death and life Your body still remembers the burns you gave it because it felt good Your body still remembers the hell you’ve been through to feel your soul Your body still remembers even though you don’t Your body still remembers every touch and every breath And your body still remembers every lonely moment and every lost second

Just look at your body and you will see your past

- Hira

[diwatangdyocza]

Ngayon ko lang napagtanto na ang pagsuko ko ay ang hudyat ng pagkawala ng kung anong mayroon tayo.

[ex-masbitterpasakape]

I admit, i am torn between holding on and letting go… But what makes it more difficult is whatever I choose ill end up crying in pain.

[escafeism]

You saved me. You don’t know how much thankful I am that you came to rescue me. You’re the one you lifted me up when I was drowning. You’re with me to guide me when I don’t know what to do anymore. You enlightened me, you stayed with me while I was fighting with darkness. I don’t know what to do before, you know? But you happened, and I’m glad that you came. I know, I am stubborn for doing such silly things you’re always warning me about and even if I am being a pain in your ass, you’re there, fixing the mess that I made. I’m really grateful for knowing you, your existence is such a blessing. I would love to do the same thing for you and if you needed someone to lean on, you can run to me and I’ll try to heal the wounds and I’ll help you ease the pain as much as I can. I won’t let you down. You’re supposed to be on top because you’re such a great person. You’re supposed to be loved, you deserve everything in this world that you wanted and needed. I will always be here for you and I will always be ready to save you even if it means losing my life. I will pay what you gave away and I will stay even if you push me away.

(via escafeism)

[diwatangdyocza]

At Rest

I have forgotten the day    I stopped writing you letters Little love notes, reminders    and stories of how my day was You’ll never really know how    fast the year goes But you’ll notice it once    things change The fact that we grew older    and knew more things    and needed more space    took its toll I badly wanted to write    you a letter and tell    you sweet nothings But all of my time was    spent for academic writing Oh, the stories I’d love to tell    the warm hugs and kisses    I’d like to give But time is so crammed up    opportunities came and went I miss you, more than     the phrase suggests I wish we could catch up    and be in each other’s    arms, at rest.

[diwatangdyocza]

What is it like to date suicide?

I cannot care anymore about my mother’s screams    The day she’ll see my corpse on the bed Or my body from the ceiling hanging from a string    I cut myself too deep the blood dripping red

I am a head smashed into a wall    I am a stab or gun shot to the heart I tried to ignore it all    But I guess it was really too much from the start

Please let him know it was not his fault    I love him so, but I have to go I’m losing the battle, I’m sorry for the sudden halt    I am in constant pain and filled with sorrow

I’ll miss all the chances I could have taken with you    Somehow I’m just another face, another waste Tell everyone I’ll miss them, too    As memories flood me from the good old days

I’m writing the last of this as well as the last of me     I’m sorry you had to take this date with me

[diwatangdyocza]

Because

I’m able to say this      on a quite normal night: “He’s my greatest love.” “Why?” You’d ask. Because he’s made every      moment of pain bearable Because he’s made every      sacrifice worth it And if asked where      and how I’d want to die, All I’ll say is “in his arms,” Because he’s worth it Because he’s made everything,      even dying,           worth it. 

[diwatangdyocza]

Minsan May Isang Puta

Nagtirik ako ng kandila sa may      parokya bago umuwi; Patay na ang iba ngunit nagawa      kong sindihan muli. Hindi lahat,       ngunit tatlo; Nang ako’y nakauwi,       tsaka ko napagtanto: Maaring simbolo ito ng       pagmamahal ko sa’yo. Mahal kita ngunit ako’y iyong      binalewala na; Ang sabi pa’y tulad din ako      noong una. Inosente, ngunit binigyan mo      ng malisya; Minsan may isang puta.      Pero mahal ko,           nagkakamali ka.

[diwatangdyocza]

fuck love,

I say as I stare dreamingly while watching a romantic movie

[diwatangdyocza]

Ang Kwento Nating Dalawa.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ko sisimulan, Kung sa unang-una o sa kadulu-duluhan. Marami akong pwedeng ikwento; Paano nga ba tayo umabot dito? Sa kalagitnaang magulo; Sa pinakaunang masayang alaala; At sa katapusang sakit ang dala.

Ayoko nang ikwento yung masaya; Dito tayo, sa dulo na. Kung paano ka nagbago, Kung paano tayo naging malabo. Kung paano nabalewala ang lahat; Kung paano isa-isang nawala ang lahat.

Pero mahal ko, ‘wag kang mag-alala. Mamahalin kita hanggang dulo. Pero papakawalan ko na ang sarili ko. Sa hirap, at sa sakit; Dulot ng pag-ibig na mapait. Ang tanging hiling ko lang, ay maging masaya na tayong dalawa. At tulad ng sabi niya. Ito na ang huling tulang isusulat ko: Ang kwento nating dalawa.

[diwatangdyocza]

Had another fit last night, and now my head’s hurting, I have three cuts on my arm and a messy room. Great. :-)

[feelingsfrommoviesandseries]

[diwatangdyocza]

Parang kanina lang ang saya saya ko.  Tapos ngayon, bigla nalang ako nalungkot. Gaano nga ba kasakit maiwan? Ng kaibigan. Kamag-anak. Minamahal? Paano mo ipapaliwanag ang sakit na hindi mo maintindihan? Tipong masakit and dibdib mo na halos hindi ka na makahinga, tapos itatanong ng doktor kung anong pakiramdam at anong klaseng sakit ba. Paano mo maipapaliwanag ng hindi mo ipinaparamdam sa kanya? Kaya minsan naiisip ko, ikaw at ikaw lang din ang makakaintindi sa sakit o sa kahit na ano mang nararamdaman mo. 

Ang sakit lang maiwan ng taong mahal mo kasi hindi ka niya naiintindihan. Hindi niya naiintindihan yung sakit na ipinaparamdam niya sayo. Minsan wala ka nalang magawa kung hindi gumanti sa kanya. Ang tanga kung iisipin pero yun ang naiisip mo na paraan para maramdaman niya yung sakit na nararamdaman mo. Madalas nga lang ay hindi niya naiintindihan. Madalas nauuwi lang sa away at paghihiwalay, dahil sa isang simpleng katangahan. 

Bakit nga ba ganoon? Bakit hindi nalang sabihin? O bakit nga ba napakahirap sabihin ng nararamdaman mo? Siguro dahil kulang ang mga salita sa mundo para ilarawan ng eksakto ang nararamdaman mo. O sobra sa paglalarawan gamit ang salita na naiiba na mismo ang direksyon papunta sa tunay na nararamdaman, Ang hirap.

Paano nga ba?

[diwatangdyocza]

1st birthday ni Calix kahapon!

2pm natapos yung meeting kaya dumiretso na ko sa SM Calamba. Kulang pa yung regalo ko at di pa nakabalot kaya nagpunta ako agad sa toy section, naghanap nung mga bola thingy kaso out of stock na daw. =((( Kaya stuffed toy nalang hinanap ko! Nakita ko yung chicken stuffed toy na gusto ko tapos naghanap ako ng hotdog na unan, nagbayad at pinabalot. Buti nalang pwedeng isama yung nauna ko nang binili sa Solenad. :) Hinintay ko na din si Ian kasi pupuntahan niya daw ako at magkikita din sila ni Chester dun. Ang tagal tagal niya dumating as usual tapos bumili kami ng sanrio para kay Calix sa may supermarket. Nagkitakita kami nina Chester at ni Dwaine sa may department store na tapos naghanap sila ng regalo kay Calix. Nauna na din kami ni Ian kasi late na, baka pagalitan pa siya ng ate niya.

Ang cutie nung sa party hahaha, nagphotobooth kami habang wala pa masyadong tao. Mga 5.30 pm na din halos nagstart tapos kami pa yung pinili para sa unang game. Kami ang pabebe girls at walang makakatalo sa’min! Jusko po huhu medyo nakakahiya pero buti nalang nakapagpalit kami ni Dwaine at the last minute tapos panalo kami yay! Nagphotobooth na kaming apat bago kumain, at hahaha, ang dami din naming nakain kagabi! Double date feelz at nagkalaglagan pa kagabi. Sumabay na kami ni Ian sa tito niya pauwi at dun na ko bumaba sa kanila, tapos hinatid niya naman ako samin. :)

Sobrang nag-enjoy ako kagabi. Hahaha <3

[diwatangdyocza]

After namin magenroll kahapon, pumunta ko sa Rizal lobby para manood ng Cle vs GSW, tapos 5 minutes to 10am nagpunta na ko sa bus stop para sa org meeting. Eh super init so lumipat kami sa ETY :D Ang sarap ng meeting namin, salamat nga po pala sa upperclassmen (QE Passers, yay!) para sa pancit at pizza, nabusog po ako (kami). :D Working lunch at meryenda kahapon dahil pinapagusapan ang activities for 1st term, dahil ETY week at syempre Accountancy day, at GA :) 

Madaming masayang activities for the first term, heads up MCL JPIANS!