You’re more honest with each other.
Bodily functions are something to laugh about.
Sweatpants and tee shirts are a regular thing.
They know what you look like without all the makeup.
Being “laid up and watching Netflix” is the only thing you’re looking forward to after work.
You don’t go on fancy dates as often but you trade that for quality time.
You find yourself being more vulnerable and you open up more.
They become your best friend.
You will able to talk about anything.
You won’t be worried about impressing their parents, you’re just gonna love them anyway regardless of how their parents may feel.
You will have inside jokes that no one else will get.
Sex is not as often but, twice as passionate.
Little fights will happen, but you’ll learn not to sweat the small stuff.
You’ll learn what compromise really is about.
You’ll dream about the future together. Grow together.
Be on each other’s team.
See their ugly crying face, and be the one to wipe the tears away & do something stupid to make them life.
things are amazing after the honeymoon stage. However, it’s a time about giving up your walls and open up some doors you have locked a long time ago.
That’s why some people don’t make it past this point, because they don’t know what unconditional self-love means.
Remain open and optimistic, love will never fail you.
Janis Hunter was a mother of two in her early 20s when her longtime lover, father of her children and one of the world’s most lusted-after soul singers, Marvin Gaye, suggested an amorous liaison wi…
“After the Dance,” a memoir by Gaye’s mistress-turned-wife Jan Gaye, written with David Ritz, recalls a love affair propelled by just these sorts of mind games. Marvin Gaye’s immense, undeniable talent for singing and songwriting, and his equally impossible-to-dismiss sex appeal, were accompanied by increasingly heavy drug use — freebasing cocaine eventually did him in — and erratic moods, a constant tug of war between thrills, love, lust and terror.
George Clinton and Bernie Worrell would often drop by to shoot hoops and drop acid with Gaye. The couple were invited to watch Ike Turner in the studio, where he “carried around his coke supply in a suitcase.”
They also partied with Richard Pryor, who invited them one night “to watch bikini-clad dancers having sex with each other.”“The evening was uncomfortable for me, but I went along with the program,” writes Hunter.Another night at Pryor’s, the comedian “got so coked up that he hit his wife over the head with a wine bottle and called everyone at the table ‘a f—in’ whore’ except me. Marvin laughed and said I should be flattered.”
Gaye developed a habit of steering Hunter toward other men, whether out of some perverse masochism or genuine delight.
Noting a chemistry between Hunter and Maze singer Frankie Beverly, Gaye did everything he could to set up an illicit liaison between the two. When Beverly came for a visit, Gaye not only booked him a room at a local motel but booked the adjoining room for Hunter, saying he needed her out of the house so he could focus on music.As Hunter and Beverly smoked a joint in Hunter’s hotel room, well aware of the awkwardness, there was a loud bang at the door. It was Gaye, seemingly hoping to catch them in the act. Beverly crawled back to his room on his hands and knees, and Gaye found Hunter alone.
In time, torn by Gaye’s cruel treatment, Jan slept with Beverly and also hooked up with Teddy Pendergrass, Gaye’s main musical rival.
I never understood the advice that you should be happy single before you seek out a relationship. If I had the potential to be *that* happy being single then what would be the point in romantic partnership?
Nobody says “you should be happy being childless before you have a child”…Why do they use that line of logic for dating and marriage? Idk
I really think it’s a toned down (or even camouflaged) extension of the whole “if you seem too eager you lose” thing.
Which is why the dating “game” sucks a lot of the time. People are more conditioned to see relationships and dating as a power struggle rather than the manifestation of a genuine desire to be with/get to know someone.
I also think it’s a gendered thing because when women actively pursue romance they’re viewed as desperate, lacking in self-esteem and etc. But being active in dating is pretty normalized for men.
It just means you should be content with YOU, before you enter into a relationship. It’s the extension of, if you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else.
I think if that’s what was meant that would have been what was said. But in any case, while I definitely think it’s ideal to be 100% content with yourself and your life and all of that prior to getting into a relationship…I don’t think that’s a requirement.
Most of us are imperfect, a lot of us struggle with issues from prior experiences or familial issues and I think that love–real and healthy love–can actually be a salve for a lot of those problems. You don’t need to have it all together to be ready to enter into a relationship. In my opinion & personal experience.
It’s definitely not a requirement. However, when I finally did get to that point in my life, that’s when I met my husband. I worked out all my past issues from relationships and anything else. Got to a point where I was so focused on me and just in love with myself. So when our relationship started I had no baggage. Granted I wouldn’t say I had it ALL together, but the real and healthy love came from within first. So based on my experience, I would have to say that was the way to go. I loved myself before I truly loved someone else, or allowed them to love me.
For me, when I met my soon-to-be husband I didn’t even know I would ever date him never mind marry him as I was still dealing with issues from past relationships, mostly psychological. When we started dating, I had severe trust issues that were mitigated over time by his constancy and his patience.
I never knew what real, tangible romantic love felt like or looked like until this relationship and it’s something I grew into with him. By most people’s standards I wasn’t “all together” or “ready” to start a relationship but it was the best decision of my life that I did. His love has been transformative to my life.
So while it’s wonderful when circumstances are different and better I know for a fact that you can have a happy and successful relationship without perfection at the outset.
Yeah I mean, with those requirements someone with a mental disorder would NEVER be able to be in a relationship unless they recovered completely and permanently/were cured, which isn’t the case for many people. I’ve always been afraid of being in relationships with people because I’m afraid all my flaws and struggles will make it impossible to have a healthy one, and keep thinking I need to “get everything together” first. But for some people, a relationship is what helps them get things together. Not that you should be unhealthily dependent on someone else, but yeah. This post made me rethink some things about myself in a good way.
> If I had the potential to be *that* happy being single then what would be the point in romantic partnership?
Because other people can’t make you happy if you aren’t even happy with yourself. Yeah, they can bring you happiness, but at the end of the day, if you aren’t happy with yourself, that’s probably going to cause problems in your relationships. You can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.
The point of romantic relationships isn’t to hope someone will make you happy, it’s to find someone to share life with, good and bad, happy and sad. If you’re just looking for one, when the other comes your way, it’s not going to be a good time for anyone.
I agree with your last paragraph and that’s precisely why I would never find lasting happiness in a single state. I desire having somebody to share my life with.
when people say it’s important to be happy single before being in a relationship, it’s meant more in the sense of having good self esteem and healthy understandings of what a solid relationship looks like before getting into a relationship. i think that it’s easy for people who have not been in situations where they have struggled with self esteem or understanding what a healthy relationship looks like to think that skipping the stage of being happy with yourself before being in a relationship is no big deal. but for people who have been through trauma, hardship, and heart ache, sometimes you have to work to be ok and happy alone before being in a relationship.
and there’s nothing wrong with knowing that you need some time to work on yourself and your heart before being in a relationship. no, you don’t have to be in a place where you say you’re HAPPIER alone than in a relationship before you enter into a relationship, but to be in a space where you’re happy single is important. because not everyone gets the perfect happy ending. and you have to know that you’ll be ok on your own. that your happiness is not dependent on you being in a relationship. that your heart can both desire companionship and love, but that your life will not be meaningless just because you don’t end up married with kids.
Just speaking personally, I was generally happy when I was single but I wasn’t happy about being single. And that’s what I’m saying in this post. For me, I don’t feel that I’m meant to be single in any long term capacity and marriage and children, just like obtaining an education, is a solid part of what I want and envision for my life.
And nothing you’ve said is wrong because everybody is different but people don’t have to be happy about being single or satisfied being alone as a prerequisite to entering a relationship. And even for somebody who is single long term, they don’t need to be happy about it to prove that they love themselves and are self-satisfied or whatever else.
I think that you can love your friends and your family and your job and your money and your degrees but for some people that’s not enough and there’s an unassailable desire for romantic partnership and that’s okay. Because I believe that when you want something and you remain open and take steps towards it you’ll get what’s on your heart.
Your original post said you didn’t understand why people would give that advice. Outside of your personal experience, I was explaining why being happy single is both a valid perspective and also not mutually exclusive of also wanting to be in a relationship. The advice to be happy while single does not bar a person from also having a heart that wants a relationship. The advice doesn’t work for you, understood. The explanation was because you said you didn’t understand the advice. @danielle-mertina
To be concise, what I meant is that nobody should feel like they should be happy about being single before they can pursue a relationship because some people are never going to be happy about being single because life partnership is on their heart.
I didn’t mean that the advice works for nobody but I am critical of the ubiquitousness of that advice and I see it as being manipulative and gaslighting towards people who really want to be in a relationship.
1. you have made it to 20! what a whirlwind year it has been but if you can survive 2016 you can survive anything.
2. remember that love trumps hate any day, everyday. just keep spreading love and being the best person you can be.
3. last year was definitely not your year for romance, try it this year though. I have a feeling a lot of love is coming your way.
4. school is a priority, do not ever forget that. you are so fortunate to be able to even attend college so just try your hardest in each and every class.
5. DO NOT SKIP YOUR 8AM! you signed up for it, you now have your afternoons free to study as you please. it’s an important class and really an hour difference of sleep is not going to kill you.
6. go to bed early, you’ll thank yourself when that 8am roles around.
7. take care of your body. eat healthy but eat good. make sure you are hydrated and exercise on the days that you can. you know that you always feel so good after you exercise.
8. keep meeting new people and keep making friends. talk to people in your classes, make new friends and study buddies.
9. when you are not feeling good on the inside remember to just take time to unplug and go outside.
10. remember your worth. this can be applied to friendships, to relationships and even when you are with just with yourself. you are worth so much and you have purpose, you are just starting to figure out new parts of your journey, don’t be so hard on yourself.
11. you can change your mind.
12. don’t let people make you feel bad for not wanting to do what you used to do, for changing and growing.
13. do not be afraid to let this love inside. when people give it to you sometimes you make up excuses to not take it. don’t do this, embrace the love and keep giving yours as well.
14. last year was so hard there is no doubt. but baby he doesn’t think about you anymore and you were not worth anything to him. that was not love and there is no love there. he is in the past, he is not your future. just let it go. let him go. no more.
15. you make each day what you will. it’s up to you and you are writing your story, you get to decided the paths that you take and the people you get to take it with. mistakes happen along the way and you can recover. you are in charge.
16. just spread love. give it to yourself in abundance and give it to the people you meet and want to keep getting to know.
17. be who you want to be in 2017. there are so many possibilities and so many different outcomes and lots of things that we do and do not have control over. make sure that the things you can control that you do. make sure that you spread love and light. we all are going to need it.
17 things I want to remember in 2017 (via tthematics)
Can’t believe I’m still up at this time working on an assignment. Kinda can because when you’re inspired and determined, you’re inspired and determined. (YAAS girl, grinding while they sleep! Slay us...LOL)
Seriously though, why couldn’t my inspiration strike a decent time? Urgh, imagine.
dededos
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
snowghoul
gummygunk
yousharknotpass
