hopeless wanderer

I cannot stop this S I C K N E S S taking over It takes control and drags me into N O W H E R E

[dixonmitchell-blog]

If anyone wants to pair up with Adrian or Dixon for the event hmu, they have nobody so far...

[ibnjihad-deactivated20140409]

How you make others feel about themselves says a lot about you.

(via itcuddles)

[ofteddy]

“We’re closed so unless it’s an emergency then you can come back tomorrow.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"Uh... My car won't start and I kind of need it to get home. Can you help?"

[cosmicwizdom]

Psychology says, you’re not afraid to love, you’re afraid of not being loved back.

(via missinyouiskillingme)

[dixonmitchell-blog]

i THINK i've finished all of dixon's replies so i'm gonna head off to watch some more of legends of tomorrow before starting on adrian's. if i've missed anyone's reply then lemme know, i'll have it posted asap!

[alessandragiamatti-deactivated2]

“I think I’m a bit too short to be a cop. Not to mention, I don’t think my family would ever approve of that anyways. But what job doesn’t have competition with another. Everything’s a competition it’s almost ridiculous. Is that why you’ve join the police? To try and make a difference?”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"You are short, but as long as you can make up for that in other ways I don't see that being an issue. My parents didn't approve of me becoming a cop but here I am. Your family shouldn't really have a say in things if its really want you want. That's true, it's most definitely ridiculous if you think about it that way. I guess so? It was part of the reason, that's for sure. I didn't think I was right for anything else either."

[xaurorablack]

“Hopefully it’ll stay that way. I don’t like getting on the wrong side of people.” She nodded, “Yeah, I am! It’s pretty cool I guess although can be tiring after a long shoot.” Aurora shrugged “Positive.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I'm sure it will, it takes a lot to get on the wrong side of me mainly because I'm not rattled easily," Dixon chuckled. "That must be fun, though. Do you get to travel a lot and stuff? So, is modelling all you do? Not that not doing anything is bad, I'm just curious." He looked at her for a moment before deciding to drop it. "Okay."

[sephtobias-deactivated20160820]

“Good for you, having a good state of mind to turn away steroids.” Seph said, smirking slightly as she handed them back to his waiting hands. “And why exactly are you denying yourself the two greatest gifts of this world - sleep and food?”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I just have no reason to take them, that's all. Not much to be celebrated or congratulated. Just common sense, really." Once they were back in his possession, he slipped them into his bag. "Work, mainly," he offered as an explanation. He didn't want to have to talk about the fact he was having nightmares, too. "I guess I've just been so tired that I forget to eat."

[ofteddy]

“So she’s either into being a cougar or weird witchcraft? Is she just asking you or is it other officers she asks when they answer the calls? Probably frowned upon if there was something serious going on.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"In this town, neither option would surprise me. I've only lived here for like a month and a half in total, but almost everything I've seen makes this encounter seem tame. At first it was different officers, but I was there one time and then she just kept demanding for me to come. In all honesty, I think she's just lonely."

[dixonmitchell-blog]

Puppy Power || Dixon & Ryan

[peaceryan-deactivated20161121]

“I was seven! You can’t judge me for that, I was innocent!” She said with a laugh in response to his sigh. “Oh my god, yeah I saw that. After that movie I swore to never go tanning ever again. Besides that its not like I need to tan anyways, the sun kind of does that for me.” She said with a shrug. She nodded her head as he spoke, knowing that there was quite a bit of truth to what he said, and she kind of felt the same way too most of the time. “I know, I mean I do like having people like me, but there’s a few people I don’t care about such as the smelly meatball sub guy down the hall. Like literally I think he bathes in sandwiches, so his approval isn’t something I’m too keen to have. As for the rest of the neighbors, I think you could win their affection with just baking them some cookies or something.”At the mention of buying flowers for her parents, she let out a small laugh holding her hands out, “No no, that’s really too desperate. I mean they’ve never complained about you so thats honestly a good thing. You’re already on their good side. Because believe me, my mom complains about nearly everyone.” Ryan laughed as he pulled her off the ground and spun her around and pulled her towards the door. She quickly grabbed her keys of the table in the entryway, still grinning ear to ear, “Okay well I think it should be named after someone famous, like F. Scott Fitzgerald. That would be a really good name right? We could call him Fitz for short!” She laughed, locking the door behind her and heading towards the elevator.

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I don't think you've ever really been innocent, Ry," Dixon teased as he nudged her shoulder with his own. "Oh my God, right? I swore the same thing... not that I went tanning in the first place, but you know... for future reference. Lucky you, I'm just pasty. I may as well be the Michelin Man or Casper!" The officer rubbed his nose as she spoke, his eyes half glazed over from the alcohol he had consumed. His mind was completely focused on the fact that they were getting a puppy, but both of their words struck a nerve. "God. That smell, right? I wake up hungry and its the worst feeling in the world because its actually disgusting. I hate meatballs. I guess not having his approval won't make a difference in the long run, but then again; what if I became friends with him and convinced him to stop eating those damn sandwiches? The possibilities are endless! Ryan, please. We both know Meatball has more skills in the kitchen than I do and he bloody orders in all the time! Mabe if I buy the cookies and put them on a plate and pretend I made them they would be none the wiser, right? God, so many options so little time." When she laughed, Dixon wrinkled his nose up as his smile showed his teeth. He was always highly amused when Ryan was about, regardless of topic. "Okay, okay. No flowers. Besides, if I tried to give them flowers they'd probably think I was trying to sleep with you or something. I'm glad they don't dislike me, at least. That would make meeting them again highly awkward." Now that he had his neighbour moving, he continued to pull her by the hand to the lift, he didn't trust himself on the stairs when he could barely walk in a straight line. "I can get behind that idea," he replied as he pressed the lift button. Dixon then placed a hand over his heart and turned to face the woman, a serious expression on his face as he did so. "'And in the end, we were all humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness'. --- Fitz it is!"

[ctrlmila-deactivated20160802]

“Very philosophical of you, Dix.” She smiled softly, her eyes still on the computer even though her words were directed at him. She took another gulp of her coffee and closed her eyes blissfully as he closed his laptop and she nodded her head with a friendly smile toward him. “No worries at all, I’m honestly happy to help. It gives me purpose aside from the hospital and I like that.” She kept her gaze on him somewhat curiously, “Sure, where do you wanna head off to?” She asked as she stood up from beside him on the booth, finishing off the last few sips of her coffee.

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"Who knew I had it in me, right?" he laughed quietly. "I'm sure you have purpose outwith the hospital and my confused ramblings," he replied as he busied himself with packing up his work things and putting them in his bag. He then grabbed his jacket and threw the bag strap over his shoulder. He hadn't really thought his question through when he had asked her, he just knew he had to move or the cafe walls would suffocate him further than his exhaustion and over-caffeinated body already had. "Anywhere, to be honest. A walk... back to mine? Anywhere that isn't this place."

[anothermusic-blog]

Visit Original Link

[dixonmitchell-blog]

Nobody loves no one

[princessaddiex-blog]

“That’s not so bad, right?” Lottie teased him before grinning upon hearing his challenge. “You know, you’d think that was pretty hard but it actually isn’t since I’m going to tell you something that’s not really that big of a secret but… I’m a major Rick Astley fan. I would totally, and without hesitation whatsoever, sing Never Gonna Give You Up at the top of my lungs if it starts to play on the radio, but I’m warning you right now that it’s going to be very hard on your ears,” she added with a laugh. “I have a lot of faith in you, stranger. I’m sure you can totally do it. Oh, really? So if we never see each other again, you won’t be able to tell anybody?” Lottie raised her eyebrows at him, though the smile was still on her face. “I don’t like not knowing either,” she murmured, her voice quiet as she listened to his words and Lottie immediately shook her head. “Hey, hey, you’re not a coward, okay? It’s natural for humans to want to run away from things that have hurt them, or the mistakes they’ve made. I know for a fact that I tend to do that too, just run away from everything and everyone sometimes, even tending to push the people I love away due to all the thoughts that are just going on in my head, so it’s completely and totally natural for you to feel the way that you are. I’m also a firm believer that things that are supposed to happen will happen eventually, and that everything happens for a reason. I know a lot of people scoff at that, but I think it’s true. Whatever you did in your past isn’t something you should beat yourself up over constantly, since you’re doing your best to make up for whatever mistake you did, right?” Lottie asked, showing him a concerned glance. She bit down on her lower lip nervously, her eyes never leaving his as she continued to listen to him. “I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. If there’s anything at all that I can do, please let me know, okay? I don’t think I can even possibly imagine what you’re going through but please know that I want to help,” Lottie murmured, smiling gently at him. “I’d love to be your friend too,” she said honestly. “I… I don’t really have a lot of those,” Lottie added, inhaling deeply. She eyed him curiously for a moment before resting her face on one hand. “Tell me, stranger. Do you think you’re a bad person? Because I… I sometimes think I am,” Lottie said, her voice low enough that it was almost a whisper. If he had shared parts of his life, then she figured she should too. She was drunk, they didn’t even know each other’s names and she wasn’t entirely sure she would remember all the details about tonight but Lottie figured it was worth a try. “I just have… really loud thoughts in my head and they become noise rather quickly. I feel like… being around the people I love would make those thoughts quieter, yet at the same time, louder, since I don’t really know if my presence is something that’s beneficial to… well, anybody, and I keep telling myself to either stop thinking, or to let them go, and I can’t seem to be able to do either.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I suppose it's not, no. Maybe... I think... I don't know," Dixon wrinkled his nose up as he chuckled. "Risk Astley? Really? I mean... great choice!" he snorted. "Maybe you just haven't met the right person to bring out your voice. I've heard that I sound pretty decent, maybe a duet will send our voices to stardom. Though, don't expect me not to upstage you... unless it comes to ancing, of course. We can just go ahead and crown you the dancing queen right now." With that song now echoing through his thoughts, Dixon had to try extra hard to focus on what the brunette was saying. It was a catchy song, and unfortunately for him it was infectious. "I appreciate the faith, but do you ever wonder why you have such a faith in the first place? I don't know how anyone can have faith in something they can't see or don't know. I guess its the cynic in me, and a part of me wishes I wasn't like that, but... doubts, you know? If we never meet again, I don't think I would want to tell anyone else," Dixon said matter-of-factly. "Don't you not think that it's better to just keep running, though? So you never have to worry about hurting or freaking others out when you stop? What if never stopping means that I am a coward and nothing will ever change that? I mean, I know its the truth or I wouldn't be saying it, but still... what if I don't want that to be the truth anymore? Does that mean I have to tell someone everything or do I just keep lying to everyone and myself and have that be my life? The fact that I haven't made these decisions -- that I'm scared to -- proves that I'm a coward. Sometimes running is all we have."

Dixon nodded. He had been doing is utmost best to make up for his past crimes ever since he got acquitted, but sometimes his best didn't seem to be enough. Nothing he could do would erase his past, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, but all he could do was try. "I wish I had a small portion of the faith you have. It would make everything easier, you know? If I could just... just believe in something - anything - then it would be all okay, but that's not really how it works, is it?" Faith required work, and it was never easy, and getting himself to put that work in while he had the unwavering belief that he didn't deserve it was one of the biggest road blocks he would ever face. "I'm sorry you feel the way you do, too. I hope there's someone that doesn't make you feel like this because you seem to deserve that kind of life and I want you to have that." Dixon pressed his lips together in a thin smile. Normally he wasn't this sentimental, but what with the alcohol in his system and the topic of conversation between them, he couldn't help it. His ability to control what he says seemed to be slipping with every sip he took. "Neither do I," he admitted. "I have a few friends and they're great, but I don't really have someone who I can be myself with. I spent so long forcing all of that out that I just never had time nor desire to make a proper friend and now I don't know if it'll ever get back to the point where I'll be able to have one of those." When she questioned him, Dixon's eyes fell to the almost empty glass in his grasp. "I don't think," he muttered, "I know I am." Regardless of how he made himself appear to others, he would never appear like that to himself because he knew the truth and that was inescapable. "What are your thoughts like just now?" he couldn't help but ask. "If it makes you feel any better, your presence has been everything to me tonight. You gave me something that I've never really given myself, and I'll never be able to thank you enough for that. So, if the thoughts ever get bad, just remember that a stranger once told you that you were everything to him. I hope that helps you a little..."

[drwebber]

“If she’s makin’ shit up you gotta tell her to fuckin’ stop, ‘s her that needs to change. Not up to you to ignore her. Jesus Christ pal, you soft, or somethin’?”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I'm not soft."

[ctrlmila-deactivated20160802]

Camilla ran her tongue over the inside over her cheek as she took the coffee in her hand and listened to him speak, nodding her head occasionally as though she was listening – which she was – she was entirely intrigued in the police business. “Maroon lined jacket… I mean that could be something? If you find another case that hasn’t been brought to your attention with the same details isn’t that enough to take someone into questioning?” She ran her tongue over her lower lip now as she brought the coffee up to her lips, a shrug of her shoulders warning him that she didn’t really know what she was talking about. “I’m just saying.. go with your gut feeling. That’s what I always do, it get’s me in less trouble than not.” She watched intently as he ran a search through the Internet, hoping something came up. “And hey.. if I see any freaks come into the hospital with that jacket I’ll be sure to call.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"Anything could be something if given the right context," Dixon scratched the back of his head. "I'll probably have another look at it all once I've slept. Hopefully things will make more sense when I have a clearer head. Thanks, though. You've given me a lot to think about and a direction to follow. I would have just been staring at the screen for the rest of the night otherwise." As his eyes scanned the search results, he clicked on a few and saved them to look at more in depth later on. He then saved the rest of his work and closed the lid of his laptop. "That would mean I would have to trust my gut first, I've been second guessing a lot lately. Still, there's something there and I will find it, I'll just take a small break first. I appreciate that, Mila. Any help is great right about now." With another stretch, the officer looked around for a moment before turning back to the blonde. "Want to get out of here?"

[dixonmitchell-blog]

H E A D C A N O N #1: POLICE ACADEMY

Killing someone, even if by accident, would surely have been enough for anyone to sink back and go into hiding, but not for Dixon. Not long after he was acquitted for that drunken night by both the law and the victim's family -- which he has still to come to terms with -- he made a promise to himself that it would never get that bad again; that he would get his life back in order and do something with it because, as a result of his actions, someone wouldn't get their future and refusing to live his own felt like he was slapping the whole thing in its face. It took him two years to get past the whole ordeal, with help from guidance councellors, youth workers and therapists before he could actually make a decision about the direction of his life, and when he finally did; he grasped onto the idea and refused to let go no matter how much opposition he got from himself, his parents (especially his father) and the world in general.

Once he had signed up for the police academy, and got in, Dixon made the decision to try and have a clean break from everything. He packed his bags, moved out then tried to forge a life as Cadet Mitchell. And it worked. For a while, at least. He stayed focused on his mission and worked his way through the academy like his life depended on it. He kept his head down, his mind trained on the finishing line he had built up in his head, and with an end in sight, Dixon did everything he could to force the fact that he had once killed someone out of his head. After all, he wanted to be an officer of the law. Not many people killed a person then woke up the next day with a burning desire to catch criminals. It just didn't work like that, but for Dixon; it did. It was all he had to hold onto at the end of the day. His baseball team dropped him the second it became public knowledge that Dixon was the cause of a star athlete's death. He had no friends left from his hometown, his father could barely look him in the eye and his mother had no clue what to say or do. The only thing he had left was this conviction growling in his head and heart, forcing him on each day; convincing him that he could make up for the evil act he had done and got away with -- in law terms, Dixon himself knew he would never get away with what he had done, no matter how many people he saved or put behind bars because, at the end of the day, he wouldn't be behind the bars with them --- where he deserved to be.

So he worked and worked and worked. Nothing else mattered and he cared for nothing but his goal. While others went out at night to party and celebrate passing exams and getting through their physical trials, Dixon remained in his room and studied. While none of his classmates knew of the person he used to be, Dixon knew. He didn't want to have to reveal that side of himself out of fear that he would be rejected like those in his hometown rejected him. So, to save himself from experiencing that, he just flat out refused to allow himself any given opportunity to socialise outwith his classes. He knew he shouldn't have been so reclusive, and he knew people would view him as differently as they would if they were actually able to get a conversation out of him, but the self loathing from within always put up a barrier before he could get past his own walls. It's why, now that he's in Vegas, he yearns so deeply to connect with someone; to have a friend. His goal had been reached when he finally graduated amongst the top bracket of his class, he had nothing else to work towards, leaving a gaping hole in his life that was wide enough to swallow an entire city.

While he did work towards becoming a police officer, and while he did eventually become one, Dixon was left with another daunting question.

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

[ctrlmila-deactivated20160802]

“My lips are sealed.” She smirked, pretending to throw away an invisible key after locking her lips. “No no, it’s fine.. he was under a lot of.. duress I guess, he got hit by a car after downing a bottle of Jack so I guess he’s feeling shitty enough already.” She laughed throatily, “I know this one time when I used to work at a café… we had all our tips stolen overnight and all we had was the camera footage of what shoes he was wearing and a glimpse of his hat….turns out that was enough to prove him of being the guy that was also at the train station bashing up some old guy.” She let a shrug fall from her shoulders, unsure if that helped. “Maybe look at the smaller details and see if anything connects.” She ran her tongue over her lower lip considerately as she ordered herself a coffee and then looked back over at Dixon. “The sister sounds dodgy though, maybe check on the public disturbance details and see if there’s anything about a female.”

[dixonmitchell-blog]

"I guess I'll just let it go," Dixon scratched at his jaw as every inch of him failed to argue against his resignation. He could relate after all. Not with the getting hit by a car, but the downing a bottle of Jack thing, which had happened more times than he'd like to admit. "Shoes and hat?" Dixon mused as his eyes fell upon the reports again. Nothing particular had been noted about the clothing other than the perp had been wearing a dark jacket with red or maroon lining. "I'm glad that son of a bitch got caught," he stated matter-of-factly. "I don't think much was noted about the way the people involved were dressed. There's a note about a jacket, but that's about it. Though, I think I remember the sister wearing something like that. Then again, I suppose it's a common kind of jacket so that would be a stretch to base a connection on this fact alone." As she continued to offer help, Dixon ran both hands through his hair and stretched his back. He must've been sitting there for hours now. "She does, doesn't she? I've been watching a lot of Criminal Minds reruns these days, and maybe that's causing me to look for things that aren't actually there, but I feel like there is. I'll run a cross search," he said as his fingers started typing on the keyboard after he brought up the search directory. Public disturbances... female... late twenties..." he muttered to himself as he read through the results.