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@djhotchimp
Help me get this smol little side blog rolling
open starters
starter call
memes
“Ya know, usually people shut up when they’re gettin’ stitches. Or at least have the decency to cry like a baby. What’s with motor mouth, Sweetart?
Help me get this smol little side blog rolling
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COMIN’ AT YOU LIVE. JERRY SEINFELD OVERDRIVE!
🙉|STARTER CALL|🙉
⨳ — VINES;
send one for my muse's reaction!
“I thought you were bae. Turns out, you were just fam.” “Ahhhhh! Stop! I coulda dropped my crossaint!” “Happy Christhums. It’s Chrismah. Merry Crisis. Merry Chrysler.” “This bitch empty. YEET!” “Get to del taco, they got a new thing called freesha… freeshavacado!” “You better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out, you better watch out.” “Mother trucker dude, that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick.” “It is Wednesday, my dudes. AhhhhhhhHHHHH!” “Whoever threw that paper, your mom’s a hoe!” “Has anyone ever told you you look like Beyonce?” “[Name], did you eat my tater tots?” “Next time you fuckin put a hand on me imma fucking rip your face off bitch.” “I love you, bitch. I ain’t ever gonna stop lovin you, bitch.” “I just got one question. What are those?!” “I don’t have enough money to buy chicken nuggets.” “Aw, fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this.” “Look at all those chickens.” “Hi, welcome to Chili’s.” “Two bros, chillin in the hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay.” “Whaddup, I’m [Name], I’m [Age], and I never fuckin learned how to read.” “I can’t sit anywhere. I have hemorrhoids.” “Damn [Name], back at it again with the white vans.” “I don’t get no fuckin sleep cause of y’all, y’all not gon get sleep cause of me.” “Try me bitch.” “Pepsi bottle. Coca cola glass. I don’t give a damn.” “I wanna be a cowboy.” “Stop saying I look like Chicken Little, he’s dumb, and he’s a coward, and I am not a coward!” “Hey, I’m lesbian.” “I thought you were American.” “I won’t hesitate, bitch!” “Lipstick in my Valentino white bag?!” “When there’s too much drama at school all you gotta do is walk a waaAAAaaaAAaay.” “Hoe don’t do it. Oh my god.” “I’m in me mum’s car, broom broom.” “A potato flew around my room before you came.” “When will you learn that your actions have consequences?!” “Well, when life gives you lemons.” “Give me my hat back [Name], do you want to go see uncle kracker or no?” “I’m [Age] so shut the fuck up.” “You better stop! Stop bitch! Stop! Ahhh!” “Is that a weed? I’m calling the police!” “Daddy? Do I look like-?!” “It’s fricken bats, I love Halloween.” “Excuse my potty mouth, shut the fuck up!” “I’m washing me and my clothes.” “So I’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my tiddies-” “Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?” “So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift, on my birthday, to my birthday party, on my birthday, with a birthday gift?”
“This is now a conspiracy theories channel rockin’ your waves, motorbabies. And before you ask why, this decision was entirely based on my recurring problem with havin’ no damn self control. And it was a dare. So buckle up, simmer down and listen to the sound of my voice hockin’ you the same shit you’ve known for years to be true.”
“Hey! Do you remember heelys?”
Kid Gorgeous sentence starters
“You ever seen a ghost?”
“Say more right now”
“I used to see the ghost of a little girl in a Victorian nightgown”
“Let’s change the subject”
“This is a weird topic”
“None of us ever really know our fathers”
“We don’t have time to unpack all of that”
“STREET SMARTS!”
“Sit up straight! Be respectful!”
“So say a kidnapper grabs you and throws you in the trunk of their car”
“Brush your teeth! Now BOOM orange juice, that’s life”
“That’ll throw him off his rhythm”
“Weird, psych-out, backroom Chicago violence”
“As any Chicago cop will tell ya, a phonebook doesn’t leave bruises”
“Okay, when you get kidnapped- not if, when”
“If you get taken to a secondary location, your odds of coming back alive are slim to none”
“I thought I was gonna be murdered my entire childhood”
“What would Leonard Bernstein do”
“Give us some money! As a gift! We want a gift! But only if it’s money!”
“Now you have the audacity to ask me for MORE money?!”
“I gave you more money than the Civil War cost and you spent it already?!”
“She’s not gonna do anything else for you. It’s done.”
“I thought our transaction was over”
“Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?
“College was like a four year game show”
“Well if it’s too big you can just wear it as a sleep shirt”
“These meaningless politeness rules”
“I like to throw in I’m kidding at the end of jokes now”
“See you at improv practice”
“Of all the sentences that I would be ashamed to hear read in court”
“I am damp all the time”
“I don’t think it’s anything serious”
“I’m gross now”
“Y’know, life?”
“Monkey monkey monkey man”
“I don’t know what my body is for, other than just taking my head from room to room”
“It’s tough to not get grumpy. It’s so tempting”
“I’m trying to stay nice though”
“Maybe they have a different definition of nice”
“If we must go on with salt alone, we will go on with salt alone”
“Famous people are weird as shit. They’re all weird. Your suspicions are correct”
“That must change you as a person”
“Everything was slower in the old days. Because they didn’t have enough to do so they had to slow things down”
“We gotta think of some weird, slow activities to fill the day”
“Everything is too fast now and totally unreasonable”
“Everything is run by robots, and we spend most of the day telling them that we’re not robots”
“Prove to me you’re not a robot. Look at these curvy letters!”
“How’d you like to be indoors and out of doors all at once?”
“May I introduce you to THE GAZEBO”
“It seems like everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time”
“There’s a horse loose in the hospital”
“What’d the horse do, what’d the horse do”
“We’re well past that”
“Okay okay okay okay okay okay”
“I have fired the horse catcher”
“How come you opened the door for the horse?”
“I used to pay less attention”
“I’m lazy by nature”
“And you can quote me on that”
“We bought a stroller for our dog”
“Just one more follow up question”
“What did they say in there, what did they do, what did they tell you”
“That’s the same joke twice”
“A charming anecdote that was fake and never happened”
“It’s a word you’re meant to mishear”
“The bread of bread is bread. The bread is good”
“God can’t hear you”
Send 💬 + a rumor and my muse will react to it.
“Lookin’ pretty rusted there.” A crooked grin spread across Chimp’s features. “What brings ya ‘round? And who scarped your pretty face off the windshield?”
| @twiceshiny liked for a starter |
COMIN’ AT YOU LIVE. JERRY SEINFELD OVERDRIVE. WHITE KICKS AND LIGHT BLUE JEANS. SLEEP DISORDER ON THE AM ©
I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was once and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight
this same idiot: what kind of animal is the pink panther
me, already taking off my clothes: benjamin you’re so fucking stupid
(I can’t believe this girl right here is the type of person that will just call you out all day on the shitty pirate radio for being an idiot/doing something embarrassing. )
(Also like getting names wrong on purpose like almost right but not really. Like fun Gus okay BYE)
If I run and leap at Terry, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.