If these thoughts were heard I would be judged and forgotten in a mind deep. So I keep them slurred and never heard, and every night I drift off to sleep. Sometimes I think about how I lost you. When you lose someone you often think how much wasted time has cost you. I've lost before but not like this. And even though I can count it being months ago, it never shows, the scars on my heart. Knowing that I'll lose again troubles me and you were the start. Nobody knows this but I contemplated losing myself many times. Thoughts of how it would happen and the reaction were scribbled over many lines, but I ended up declining to that door every time. I know one day I will lose them...those closest to this heart of mine. Do you think to them I come on too strong? I know that you're intangible and a hug isn't quite manageable but I wish I spoke to you more. Stephen said "No good friends. No bad friends. Only people you want, need to be with; people who build their houses in your heart." What if there's too many houses? I just want to make as many memories before memories become forgotten history as I lay there sleeping as someone visits me. I saw a video that said cherish every moment and I realized I didn't when you were here. Now I tell them I want to see them all the time because I know that one day they won't be near. They won't be able to share any more moments or conversations. I won't be able to provide them any elation. When that day comes I picture their smiles in pictures and realize that all of the moments we once shared became fixtures...in time. I can't press rewind on time wasted, only face it and try to do better even though I may come off as annoying. I keep a tab on what they said about you because it's the only thing I have with your picture. As long as I have that I can't forget the memories. Maybe that's why I'm so attached to these photos...attached to these people who've built houses within me. I just hope they know I love them. Not one soul has brought up the toll it took on me for you to leave. Yes, I know it wasn't abandonment, but I often wonder where my grandma went, and wonder why I couldn't have more time.
dededos
blakekathryn
stormborns
pixelskylines
turnnoffyourmind
annaxmalina
germansingergirl