You can read this on my Neocities site, along with more of my writings both fiction and non-fiction.
Hi. Iâm of the opinion that people donât eroticize transmasculinity enough.
People sexualize trans men and mascs, but not our transitions. So long as we fit a very narrow threshold of androgynous twinkiness, itâs totally fine to be sexualized and objectified. But any transmasc who isnât a twink? A transmasc who doesnât meet the appropriate standards of thinness, whiteness, and ambiguous tomboy-ish masculinity? Or who, God forbid, isnât exclusively a bottom and submissive? Itâs as if we donât exist.
Trans men and mascs are sexualized for the ways we refrain from transition. A transmasc can bind, wear menâs jeans, and have short hair, and still be acceptably fuckable. But I know too many guys who were shamed by their âsupportiveâ partners for wanting to go on testosterone, because it would make them too masculine, ruin their attractiveness. Countless transmascs are told their goals for transition are disgusting, especially when it comes to phalloplasties and other types of bottom surgery. Too many of us have been shamed out of HRT, top surgery, bottom surgery, or even exploring ourselves in diverse sexual ways, because wider society tells us that transmasculinity taken âtoo farâ is destined to make us ugly and unfuckable.
Considering there are a lot of places today that continue to treat women and people assumed to be women as though their physical appearance and fuckability is the most important thing about them, itâs no wonder that so many transmascs are susceptible to this fearmongering. Being an unattractive woman gets you criticized by your family, your friends, your partners and potential partners, your co-workers, and confidently rude strangers. Especially if the transmasc in question was considered a âbeautiful young ladyâ before coming out, why would they want to transition? Even if it would make them feel happier internally, their external life would get materially worse. Shouldering dysphoria against this burden sounds like a good optionâa better option, even, than becoming unworthy of affection for being who you are.
There are plenty of ways to combat this regressive, transphobic attitude. Overthrowing patriarchal and white supremacist standards of gender and sexuality, of course, but thatâs not something we can do overnight. For the purposes of this post, Iâm going to advocate for roachification as a way to reclaim transmasculinity and eroticize our transitions like we deserve.
Now, like a lot of terms trans people have reclaimed for our sexualities, the idea of roachification started as a transphobic term to describe âwhat happensâ to someone going through a transmasculine transition. If you feel like being upset, you can go on Urban Dictionary and find a definition neatly sketched out that reiterates all of the above-described fearmongering in a single sentence:
âthe process of a ftm or trans masculine person metamorphisizing from a beautiful girl to the most disgusting, vile, greasy, horrific boy there ever has been, in extreme cases; an incel.... or sid from skins.â
Even disregarding the transphobia inherent in the idea that an unhappy but âbeautifulâ cis girl, is more valuable than a happy but âdisgustingâ transmasc, I think this person is just making up a strawtrans to get mad at. The incel accusation makes me laughâthe famously open, accepting, gender expansive incel community. The community of cishet men who are so misogynistic they disparage the idea of being kind to anyone they think is a woman. Just overflowing with trans people, Iâm sure.
Getting away from the transphobia, how does one reclaim the idea of roachification? I believe it lies in accepting every part of transmasculine transition, including the parts that may, actually, be perceived as ugly, gross, and/or a downgrade from a previously-attained cis womanhood. Allow me to explain.
Fundamentally, anyone going on any sort of HRT is going through puberty a second time. Itâs being a teenager again, which is why so many trans people go through a sort of âsecond adolescenceâ if they transition later in life. You get to discover yourself all over again, and thatâs a beautiful thing! But, just like being a teenager, there are things that make you feel weird, uncomfortable, or insecure.
Considering testosterone here: your skin breaks out, you gain weight, you grow hair in places youâre not used to, you get hungry, and you get horny. Speaking only for myself, I had to up my snack budget because I was destroying family-sized bags of chips by myself. I would wake up in the morning, masturbate, go to work, masturbate as soon as I clocked out, and then one more time right before bed (okay sometimes I still do that). My skin was already oily, but itâs greasy now. Thereâs the inside joke in that the hair on your ass grows in before T even touches your facial hairâand when it does grow in, it can be patchy, uneven, and weird looking. Your voice cracks make you sound like youâre 13 and your body odor smells way stronger. Transition can be awkward and uncomfortable, and, yes, you might even feel a little gross.
But why is that bad? The journey to becoming more of who you are might be a little messy, but I think thatâs a perfect excuse to play in the mud.
Consider roachification as the gendered opposite of bimbofication. For a transmasc who is moving from a status of âbeautiful young ladyâ to âgross, sweaty manâ it can be hard to release the fear of losing that conditional acceptance, but a great way to combat that fear is to indulge in it. Lean in and explore the âuglyâ parts of transition. It might turn out that you like slouching around with a hand in your pants, gorging yourself on snacks and your brain-melting media of choice, throwing on whatever you picked out of the laundry pile this morning, and forgetting to shower for a few days. Youâll realize you kinda stink. Maybe you like that, too.
Roachification is about playing in the mud. Itâs about reveling in the behaviors that are supposed to disgust you. Itâs about the hedonism of the base instinct, doing what your body desires with absolutely no higher functioning involved. Itâs the idea of moving from an uptight, controlled appearance that you canât relax into, even when youâre alone, into the kind of vulgar bliss that comes from sitting in the same spot all day and rubbing one out without washing your hands. Your dick is calling and thatâs the only thing that matters, after all. And when youâre done, you sit in your dry cum for a few more hours before getting up to clean offâand, hell, might as well jerk off in the shower while youâre at it.
If transition turns you back into a teenager, roachification is about embracing your inner teenage boy who has full run of his parentsâ basement. Itâs about being sloppy, gross, horny, and not caring that youâre acting that way. The greatest balm to any insult is being able to say âlol, so what?â and roachification puts the power back in your hands. To enjoy being disgusting, vile, greasy, and horrific. To become what you always feared, and realize you like it better.
Obviously, I didnât come up with the idea of roachification myself. I am not the first person to make any of these observations, and I will certainly not be the last, but the longer Iâve sat with these thoughts, the truer they feel to me. The more I think about this kink, the more important it is to me.
I love roachification as a way to show a transmasculine person finally being able to relax out of femininity. Not just leaving it behind, but being too lazy to pick it back up once the masculinity âtakes over.â Now that youâre comfortable enough to be lazy, dirty, and self-indulgent, why would you ever go back? I love a transmasc leaning into who they areâincluding, perhaps especially, if who they are is smelly and sweaty and hedonistic.
As for myself? I love my transmasculine transition and everything it does to my body. I even love the things I thought Iâd hate, because the fearmongering got to me too. It was only by transitioning did I realize just how wrong that transphobic âadviceâ was, so now Iâm more than happy to indulge in my âugliness.â Being smelly, greasy, hairy, and horny has never felt more liberating, and itâs only going to âget worseâ by these peopleâs standards. Frankly, I welcome it.
Transmasculine sexuality shouldnât be confined to the narrow box mainstream sexuality has decided it needs to fit in. Trans men and mascs deserve to become who we are, unapologetically, and every aspect of transmasculinity deserves to be captured in perverted amber. We deserve to make our transitions as erotic as we damn well please, regardless of who jumps out of the woodwork to complain that we were prettier when we shaved. We deserve to be human beings, with the full range of beauty and ugliness that can be attributed to any person.
At time of writing, Iâm still early on in my transition, just over a year on testosterone. Iâm growing hair and a bigger clit and a bottomless stomach. I hope I get even more disgusting by next year.
When I was a kid I thought Master Chief was gender fluid bc I didn't understand who Cortana was so anytime she talked I just thought it was chief being a girl for that sentence
random PSA, I know a lot of people use duckduckgo as a Google alternative search engine, but it always kind of annoyed me when I was using it because it felt like No Name Brand Google
I have switched to using Startpage.com and vastly prefer it. for one thing, instead of displaying an "AI summary" at the top of the search results (unless you turn it off, yes I know), it displays the first paragraph of the Wikipedia article, with link, whenever it finds one that's relevant.
also a waaayyyyy better sense of design than duckduckgo
also private, European based, least annoying search I've used lately (RIP old "don't be evil" Google)
i have one of those, scraped from multiple different rec posts:
Search Engines
Infinity Search is an alternative search engine with a special focus on privacy
DuckDuckGo is a popular search engine for those who value their privacy and are put off by the thought of their every query being tracked and logged. Uses bangs, ![site] for in-page search (sells your data to microsoft and draws from fucking bing)
WolframAlpha is a privately owned search engine that allows you to âcompute expert-level answers using Wolframâs breakthrough algorithms, knowledgebase, and AI technology.â A data search engine.
Boardreader is a search engine for forums and message boards. It allows you to search forums and then filter down results by date and language.
Based in France, Qwant is a privacy-based search engine that wonât record your searches or use your personal details for advertising. Uses â&â as a bang search.
Another privacy-based search engine is Search Encrypt, which uses local encryption to ensure that usersâ identifiable information cannot be tracked. Metasearch across multiple engines.Â
Offering unbiased results from several sources, SearX is a metasearch engine that aims to present a free, decentralized view of the internet. Can be self-hosted.Â
Gibiruâs tagline is âUnfiltered private searchâ and thatâs exactly what it offers. Requires AnonymoX Firefox add-on for privacy.Â
Disconnect allows you to conduct anonymous searches through a search engine of your choice.
Swisscows provides fully encrypted searches to protect your privacy and security. Built-in violence/porn filter cannot be overridden.Â
MetaGer offers âPrivacy Protected Search & Findâ through its anonymised search. A plugin will allow it to be made a default.
Gigablast is a private search engine that indexes millions of websites and servers real-time information without tracking your data, keeping you hidden from marketers and spammers. Variety of filtration and refinement options for searching.Â
Oscobo is a search engine that protects your privacy while you search the web. By not using any third-party tools or scripts, your data is protected from hacking and misuse. Has a Chrome extension to allow use in toolbar.Â
https://search.marginalia.nu/ an independent DIY search engine that focuses on non-commercial content, and attempts to show you sites you perhaps weren't aware of in favor of the sort of sites you probably already knew existed. Use old-school searching rather than query-based for the best results.Â
https://www.mojeek.com/Â
https://wiby.me/ - Itâs goal is to index as many personalized websites as possible, and NOT commercial sites.Â
https://4get.ca/ it works a lot like SearX, but honestly better. It doesnât have its own index, but pulls from many others. I think itâs the best for research, since it allows you to search for answers from different indexes, is easy to configure, add free, and avoids censorship as much as it can.
https://www.searchenginemap.com/ for more on how search engines relate to each other.
https://yep.com/ is a crawler
https://www.etools.ch/ retrieves from Google, Mojeek, Bing, and Yandex, like Searx
https://www.dogpile.com/Â
https://searxng.org/ (next gen Searx)
https://luxxle.com/ - possibly conservative?
https://presearch.com/ - good for academic?
https://kagi.com/smallweb - free/randomised Kagi.
Other Searchers
www.refseek.com - Academic Resource Search. More than a billion sources: encyclopedia, monographies, magazines.
www.worldcat.org - a search for the contents of 20 thousand worldwide libraries. Find out where lies the nearest rare book you need.
https://link.springer.com - access to more than 10 million scientific documents: books, articles, research protocols.
www.bioline.org.br is a library of scientific bioscience journals published in developing countries.
http://repec.org - volunteers from 102 countries have collected almost 4 million publications on economics and related science.
www.science.gov is an American state search engine on 2200+ scientific sites. More than 200 million articles are indexed.
www.base-search.net is one of the most powerful researches on academic studies texts. More than 100 million scientific documents, 70% of them are free.https://cosine.club/ is an electronic music similarity search engine
why is "mummies are so rare bc the british ate them" always presented as like a morbid fun fact and not an example of heinous racism and dehumanization of people of colour to the point of cannibalism. a little bit odd if im honest.
just wanted to add that this is the first time i've seen "british people ate mummies" referred to as "cannibalism," which is a really interesting thing because like. so many times in history classes growing up, "natives" and "indigenous peoples" were purported to engage in "cannibalism" as some sort of explanation for why they were colonized/murdered/etc., but. i just googled. cuz i was curious when british people started/stopped eating mummies, which is definitely cannibalism, yep, human eating human = cannibalism, and.
oh.
would you look at that.
Englandâs King Charles II took medication made from human skulls after suffering a seizure, and, until 1909, physicians commonly used human skulls to treat neurological conditions.
huh.
Nobleâs new book, Medicinal Cannibalism in Early Modern English Literature and Culture, and another by Richard Sugg of Englandâs University of Durham, Mummies, Cannibals and Vampires: The History of Corpse Medicine from the Renaissance to the Victorians, reveal that for several hundred years, peaking in the 16th and 17th centuries, many Europeans, including royalty, priests and scientists, routinely ingested remedies containing human bones, blood and fat as medicine for everything from headaches to epilepsy. There were few vocal opponents of the practice, even though cannibalism in the newly explored Americas was reviled as a mark of savagery. Mummies were stolen from Egyptian tombs, and skulls were taken from Irish burial sites. Gravediggers robbed and sold body parts.
Same source:
the poor, who couldnât always afford the processed compounds sold in apothecaries, could gain the benefits of cannibal medicine by standing by at executions, paying a small amount for a cup of the still-warm blood of the condemned. âThe executioner was considered a big healer in Germanic countries,â says Sugg. âHe was a social leper with almost magical powers.â For those who preferred their blood cooked, a 1679 recipe from a Franciscan apothecary describes how to make it into marmalade.
sorry didn't realize the bridge has to be plain beige concrete. that was a load bearing plain beige concrete if anyone tags it the whole bridge collapses
Thinking about a girl I grew up with who spun her dog's fur into yarn, then knitted gloves out of the yarn and how all the other kids made fun of her mercilessly for it.
And how she's now used those gloves for over thirty winters and each time she puts them on, she gets to pet her beloved dog's fur even though Ginger is long gone. And how even though her bones have long since been swallowed by the earth, Ginger is still protecting her owner from the cold.
Just an ancient pact, passed down from the earliest dogs that slept beside humans to keep us warm, continuing on for decades after one of their deaths.
saw a twitter video of a dude making like fried broccoli with bacon or whatever and everyone in the replies was going âcanât believe he took something healthy and turned it into poison!!!!â i donât really know how to explain to you that youâre still eating broccoli, and the healthy nutrients do not magically leave the broccoli just because you fried it
so interesting news but after using both for a bit, while they initially seemed the same, it has become clear that the right tumblr app takes place in a timeline where 9/11 did not happen
Iâve said it before and Iâll say it again. Hippie church moms donating quinoa chips to my local food bank have done more for me materially than any internet idealist ever has.
People get pissed at me for being a pragmatist in my political ideals but Iâve been in the position where I was out of food right now.
And who helped me with that? Not people calling for some nebulous revolution. Not people telling me that the system was useless. Not people preaching at me to grow my own food. It was a church food bank partially funded by the state of Texas that some southern hippies donated a bunch of Whole Foods nonsense to.
And you know what? Iâm sick and tired of defeatism. What can we get done right now, huh? Are you gonna accept something a bit better to help people right now or are you waiting for your perfect utopia to come to you?
Yeah, UBI is better than the quinoa chips. Sure. But right now the quinoa chips are stopping people from going hungry and if all we can do is get the food bank quinoa chips to more people, then I say so be it. Thatâs something. Iâll almost always take baby steps over nothing.
hate to break this to you but if you call yourself self aware but you are only aware of your faults and never acknowledge your strengths you are not self aware. you have repackaged your self hatred
areudirty
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
prguitarman
yousharknotpass
