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Beware the Sniffarobe

The legend of the Tequila Mockingbird tells a tale of the ultimate villain. He is the flat-footed, chiffarobe-bustin’, Mayella-lovin’, cocaine-sniffin, fried chicken-eatin’, long-legged, pipe-hittin’, guilty-as charged Tom Robinson.

If you’re walking around at night, you’re gonna wanna make like an asian and squint, or else you wont be able to see him. If you come face-to-face with the large-nostriled beast, first off, be wary of his black magic. He can blind you by moving his hand back and forth like the Queen of England.

There is, however, a clever way to lead the foul demon astray. When confronted, just say the words of the ancient hymn, “I have some chicken here and I can use it against you.” The Sniffarobe will commence to look about and sniff the air. He will then dissapear into the night, and this is how you know you have won. You must be able to do this quickly, or he will snort you like a pixie stick and bust up your chiffarobe/woman, depending on availability.

This is why all the peoples of the Trumpire must fear the power of the Sniffarobe, because when there’s smoke, they pinch back.

Sparks fly when a teenage witch makes a deal with a demon. What happens when their lives become ENTWINED? http://thndr.it/1MJjxfz

idiotsonfb

starglitteredsky-deactivated201

Isn’t it nice how people twist their religious scripture to suit their weds but when it’s used against them it’s suddenly not okay

crippledcuriosity

I talked to a monk about this quote once (we have mutual friends, and he came to a New Year’s Eve party at my shared art studio). He said this isn’t even talking about homosexuality. That the bible never actually says homosexuality is wrong. What that passage means is this:

Women were treated as subservient and it says that you shouldn’t treat other men as subservient, like they are beneath you. It is not talking about homosexuality. If it was, it would say it outright since the bible lists other things outright.

I take the word of a monk who have studied the bible extensively more than a self proclaimed Christian.

theguilteaparty

The above text, I would like to point out is from the point of view of this translation of the original Hebrew. I spoke with my cousin’s rabbi on the matter and his response was different, saying that it was a mistranslation. See, the true translation says that a man shall not lie with another in the bed of a woman, which is to say, the Hebrews had a shit ton of rules about when a man was or was not allowed in a woman’s bed and private quarters (including, if she didn’t want you there, you weren’t allowed there. Hebrew women were also allowed to divorce their husbands and the image of the ‘oppressive Hebrew people’ is an image that was propogated by Christianity which, historically speaking, doesn’t treat the Jewish people too well and liked to paint them as being rather barbaric and backwards and cultish with their traditions, which, another piece of fun info, their traditions were one of the main reasons why the Jewish people were less likely, in medieval times, to die of the plague. Because washing your hands and avoiding the dead and vermin and the like was a lot of help. Of course the Christians persecuted them for not dying but that’s another matter. I’m sidetracked). So the verse is literally saying ‘Don’t fuck in some lady’s bed because that’s just goddamn rude’

Also, whenever a Christian brings the book of Leviticus up, you should feel free to point out that these are rules that were given to make the Hebrew people prepared for when the son of God came to earth. In Christianity, it’s believed the son of God was Jesus. So by following the rules set in Leviticus or pushing them as things we should follow, they’re saying that Jesus was not the son of God, and that Jesus did not, in fact, die for our sins. Jewish people believe, in their faith, that the son of God hasn’t yet been born, so many choose to follow these rules.

Most people of course roll their eyes when I explain the translation of the verse (full breakdown found here) but it’s always fun to point out the nature of the rules in Leviticus and the implications of following them.

bedbugbookworm-deactivated20150

I’m a theology student and I am on the verge of crying because of how accurate this commentary is. Historical context is simultaneously the most interesting and most important part of interpreting any texts.

zorobro

Most religious people seem to base their beliefs on things that are severely mistranslated. I wish they would do their research before using the bible for hate.

justnahok

I studied theology extensively and was going to become a theologist until I switched majors. The above commentary is 100% accurate and what I try to stress in a lot if conversations with Bible Thumpers.

Jesus also affirms the homosexual relationship between the Roman Centurion and his “slave”. The particular Greek word used to refer to this special slave was “pais”. Greek language studies and contexts show that a “pais” was a male love slave. Regular slaves were called “dolos”. The Centurion makes this distinction clearly when he asks Jesus to heal his slave (pais), and then to prove his status he tells Jesus that his slaves (dolos) go when he tells them to. But this slave (pais) was special. He was the Centurion’s lover.

Hearing this, Jesus was so amazed he says he had not found ANYONE ELSE who had such great faith. He then blesses the Centurion and heals his male lover.

Matthew 8:5-13

THIS IS WHAT THE BIBLE REALLY TEACHES ABOUT SAME SEX COUPLES.

In short, the English adaptation is a mistranslated farce.

zorobro

^^^^this