Ok, i'm sure Polka-Dot Man is plenty pathetic in his own right, don't get me wrong, but he's going up against the KING of absolute soppy disappointment here, so strap in and let me tell you a tale about the Star Clown of Cross Guild, Buggy, also known as the most cringefail babygirl jester in all of One Piece. One Piece spoilers for the anime, obviously!
Buggy is a man so utterly pathetic that despite being part of the crew of the literal legendary pirate king Gol D. Roger and one of his adoptive children, 20 years later, he was somehow one of the most unremarkable and weakest pirates in the world fucking around in East Blue while his former crewmate Shanks went on to be one of the four strongest pirates in the world (Four Emperors). Buggy took incredible pride in his ability to swim to find treasure and then he ate a devil fruit (which permanently removes it). By accident. He got sick right before the Roger Pirates were going to the One Piece and missed it and they all decided not to tell him or Shanks. His devil fruit ability isn't even that good. It's just detaching his limbs harmlessly and letting them fly around and this is in a world where some devil fruits can let you destroy islands with earthquakes or turn into a dragon or rip out people's souls.
Every single good thing that happens to this man, happens by complete fucking accident and either as the result of something stupid happening to him or to set something even dumber up. In fact, every time he appears for an arc, something tremendously pathetic and hilarious happens to him, and it bizarrely leads to an increase in social status that he never accounted for and it is GUTBUSTINGLY HILARIOUS. This man could fall UP a flight of stairs and somehow become president and it wouldn't be out of place for him.
When he fought Luffy for the first time, he lost his entire body except for his head, hands, and feet and had to run around like this by himself on a deserted island for weeks:
And even though it led to a friendship, his body and crew back, and a pirate alliance, when he attacked Luffy at Loguetown, not only was he so unremarkable to Luffy that he DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER HIM DESPITE THEM MEETING LESS THAN A WEEK AGO, he also managed to trap him and almost kill him...
...only to suddenly get fucking STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.
Buggy would then get caught by the marines and somehow escape by blind luck when a gust of wind blew the nets off him, so he opts to chase Luffy into the Grand Line. This would then lead to him first meeting a cool guy named Portgas D. Ace, who turns out to be none other than Luffy's older brother (who he fucking detests), then later getting suckered into giving free labor to a mining company by complete accident because he thought he was mining for treasure, and then when he left, he walked directly into a marine base by accident, and got sent to Super Underwater Pirate Hell Jail (aka Impel Down).
While Buggy was in Impel Down, his punishment was to run around a razor sharp metal jungle (Crimson Hell) because they didn't know he had devil fruit powers because he hates using them, so he was fine until LUFFY (who STILL doesn't remember him) SHOWED UP AND MADE HIM HELP HIM GET TO THE WORST PART OF IMPEL DOWN so they could save Ace from being executed. Buggy only goes along so he can abandon Luffy at an opportune time but that time just never comes and he ends up accompanying Luffy all the way to Marineford. He just goes through Dante's Prison Inferno with an annoyingly determined polymirate, a living candle, a drag queen, and a living sword until they find out Ace isn't even there, and Luffy did all this shit to him for nothing.
THEN all the people accidentally broken out think Buggy saved them so they all force themselves into his crew, and at the Marineford War he steals a camera and broadcasts himself because of his ego which fucks up the entire world for years because the World Government cant lie about what happened at Marineford now, and because word got out that Buggy was in Roger's crew and all these people love him, they give him the title of Warlord (which means he's a government-sponsored privateer) and now Buggy is entangled in a web of lies and bravado because every single person in his crew is now magnitudes stronger than he is and are like head-over-heels loyal to him.
THEN. things start to look up for him as he makes a mercenary company called Buggy's Delivery, and things go great for maybe 2 years before the World Government abruptly shuts down the warlord program and they all decide "hey! let's kill this blue haired bastard!" and Buggy gets overwhelmed until two ex-warlords save him and so to repay them, he makes an ad for their service, Cross Guild, which puts bounties on marines. Except, because his crew loves him so much....
THIS is the ad they produce. Buggy doesn't even get to review it before it's shipped out WORLDWIDE. Buggy isn't even part of this group, he just asked them to make an advertisement for it.
The World Government, thinking Buggy is the leader of the whole thing and has Crocodile (a notorious criminal mastermind) and Mihawk (the World's STRONGEST SWORDSMAN) as his underlings, is so terrifying to them that they immediately declare buggy as one of the FOUR EMPERORS OF THE SEA. THE SAME RANK AS HIS EX-CREWMATE SHANKS. ONE OF THE FOUR MOST POWERFUL PIRATES IN THE WORLD.
Croc n' Hawk aren't too jazzed about this development.
The absolute funniest thing about this is that Buggy achieved all this by complete and total accident, and is just as weak as he was at the beginning of the series. People used to joke in a tongue-in-cheek manner about how pathetic and silly it would be if he somehow fell-upstairs to EMPEROR, and then it fucking happened.
This man isn't just the king of pathetic, he's the GOD of pathetic.
I'm sorry Krill, but you're simply too outmatched to compete with the Bombastic Clown.
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
discoholicmusic
andulkaphoto
prguitarman
pixelskylines
kianamaiart
theartofmadeline
