right, lets be real here, i have no real purpose for this blog. nor do i really expect anyone to see a lot of the bullshit i’ve posted from here over there years. i know a couple exes and ex bestfriends still follow me on this, frankly, idc rly, i just wanna write. why? well, mainly cos i feel lost.
im losing everyone ive ever gotten close to. everyone. you name it. ive probably lost them. the people i never thought would be gone, left. repeatedly. and, like, id say this to a friend but, it gets to a point where i question myself amongst my friends. am i the reason people leave? or do i just have shit luck?
ive tried improving as a person over the years. never said i was a saint. ever. but i just dont wanna be the devil, or the villain, so to say. yet, without without a doubt, i still end up being one. i dont know what i do to be one, but, it just happens. i take pride in being the best rendition of myself that i can be, given that moment, but when you do all you can, you show you care, you be there for the people you care most about, only for it all to be thrown back in your face?
maaaaan fuck lol
causing me to drown myself in working on music (yes i still make music no need to pester me about it momma never raised no quitter), but even that drives me into insanity alone. several insecurities you get from making art, that people wont like it, wont care bout it, and itll be another drop in the bucket. giving me more stress, naturally depressed, never impressed. i just made that up. damn.
so, its gotten to a point where im looking at everyone ive ever lost, and just wondering where the fuck it all went wrong. was it me? am i the asshole? is it them? or is it nobodys fault?
idk. i just want my friends back. i’d tag someone specifically but i know they’d rather burn me alive than say another word to me. eh. fuck it.
new music really soon. doubt you care. but. in case you do.
<3
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