Oct 27, 2025
aaand on day #63739442737384 of ‘imagine if heizou existed irl’…
i would be such a bad starer. like, i would not be able to keep my eyes off him when he was around and he would catch me every time and it would be mortifyingly embarrassing but i’d STILL keep doing it anyway because i (1) have no sense of self-preservation and (2) physically cannot tear my eyes away from people i find attractive
and he wouldn’t even have to tease me about it outright to end me. all he needs to do is make eye contact and smile or wink or raise an everyone (basically make the most microscopically minuscule indication of smugness) and i’m done. dead. melted in a puddle of my own shame.
#i’ve come to be aware of the fact that i have a LOT of shame/ embarrassment about being like. noticed#comprehended#registered and acknowledged as something that exists#like… being drawn out of obscurity against my will and thrown into conscious attention (if that makes any sense at all)#i much prefer blending into the background unless it’s like. me talking about one of my hyperfixations lmao#in which case i’m too preoccupied with going AAAAAAA internally and gesticulating wildly to care#but anyway heizou (bless his heart) would be ALLLL over the noticing thing. he would notice and acknowledge everything#which i would at first find mortifying and horrible and uncomfortable… but eventually it would probably be good for me tbh#he’d find some way or other to coax me out of my shell and get me accustomed to that kind of thing#aaaanyway. enough unpacking the depths of my heart to random people on the internet#r’s random thoughts
